


bad guy

by Queenofthefaceless



Category: Narcos (TV)
Genre: Angst and Porn, Blood and Violence, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Gun Violence, Javi is kind of an asshole, Mentions of alcohol and drugs, Mutual Pining, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:36:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 46,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28771722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenofthefaceless/pseuds/Queenofthefaceless
Summary: To you, being colleagues with Javier Peña was easy. But to him, concealing his feelings for you was the toughest mission he had ever been on.
Relationships: Javier Peña & Reader, Javier Peña/Reader, Javier Peña/You
Comments: 40
Kudos: 173





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> some angst (mentions of violence and death), soft!Javi (boy needs a hug cause he’s messed up and tired; also yearning Javi, some sexual tension, bickering reader and Javi because we know what that leads to *wink wink*)

“Why am I here, exactly?”

You’d never been in his apartment before. It was insanely clean for someone who lived on the edge most of the time and was on the go from morning till night and it was surprisingly leeched with zero evidence of his lustful after-hours activities.

At the very least not on first sight.

Rule number one of whoring around successfully: always get rid of the evidence. Ironically that rule applied to criminals and outlaws as well, so the line was pretty thin to begin with.

The question you had asked seems to dumbfound him so he takes another sip of his whiskey, slowly, and he stares long at you.

“Are you drunk?” is the next question you pose.

“No,” he responds. “I called you here to have a drink with me. That’s all.”

“That’s all?”

“Yes.”

“Because we couldn’t have met at the bar.”

“Because I didn’t feel like going out.”

You huff disapprovingly and distrustfully. “Okay,” you then laugh.

“What?” he cuts your laughter.

“Don’t get me wrong, but… Javier Peña calls a woman to his apartment at midnight just to share a drink and a conversation? I don’t know, it sounds a bit twisted to me.”

“I’ve been having a rough and shitty time lately, alright? I felt like having a drink with a friend, indoors. Is that something inconceivable to you?”

“No, but the fact that you called me your friend kind of is. I’m your friend?”

Javier furrows his brows, looking at you dead serious.

“You’ll have to do,” he replies bitterly, eyes now off of you. “Every other gringo at that office is annoying the shit out of me and some of them can’t even hold their liquor, which is just plain embarrassing.”

_“Oh my God.”_

“And now you’re well on your way to annoy me, too. What now?”

“It finally… happened. Didn’t it? You fucked your way through every prostitute in this town, multiple times, and now you’re resorting to your colleagues. At least tell me that I’m the first one you thought of. Or was it Steve? Was Steve first? I was kinda rooting for the two of you a while back before the Connie ordeal.”

Javier would’ve normally laughed at your witty comments and admire your spunk and playful sarcasm, but truth be told, when you put it like that in perspective, it sounded incredibly filth and it only enhanced the terrible mood he was in.

A huge pit formed in his stomach, so he downed his drink and poured two more, one for him and one for you.

“Huh. No comeback, no snarky comment… you really _are_ having a tough time,” you concluded, slightly ashamed of the prior banter.

“As advertised.”

“And you really just… need a friend to talk to.”

“I do.”

“You know, I… I have to admit, I am a bit disappointed. I put on my sexiest underwear for you tonight.”

You proceed to take a seat next to him at the table whilst he lets out an involuntary yet honest chuckle and you accept his drink at last.

You slap his arm playfully as he jokingly checks you out from head to toe.

“You’re not even doing it properly, stop! Stop it, cut it out, Peña!” you laugh, prompting him to do the same.

“My apologies. Is there another way you prefer being checked out, agent?”

“No. Cut it out.”

You keep on smiling, but the tone of the room changes drastically in the blink of an eye: there was clear tension from the job, and a sober aura coming from Javier. He fell deep in thought, staring at the glass of whiskey before him. 

You felt it, too. You felt how heavily and unstable Javier had been carrying himself lately.

“It has been a rough couple of months,” you mutter after a while, seemingly affirming some of his dark thoughts.

“It’s been worse than hell. Too many deaths, too many fucking problems… things were supposed to calm down after Escobar died. Things were… supposed to get back to a certain degree of normality.”

“I doubt criminals give a shit about peace.”

“Yeah… I know. It’s just… too much of everything… all at once. They teach you early on that you gotta have the guts, the mind and, ideally, no heart to deal with these situations. It’s the only way to survive what you see and what you do. They tell you to have thick skin. And I’ve fucking done it. I successfully made it through a lot of shit that I thought I couldn’t. I’ve been doing it for years. But now… especially seeing those kids brutally murdered… I think it’s finally catching up on me.”

“No one can remain indifferent to seeing innocent children dead. It is overwhelming.”

Javier nods, his eyes shifting their focus back on you.

He was a rough agent, a rough man. That you had learned on your first days in Medellín. He was rough, demanding and insatiable when it came to carnal pleasure, but he was fair and square.

What struck you the most, however, was his compassion. He had a soft spot for children and women alike. He was, in fact, very attentive, gentle and warm towards you or whenever he was interrogating a woman in particular. However he treated them in bed was none of your business, though you couldn’t help but think he was a very giving and caring partner either way. 

He had shown a great deal of compassion to Steve when he had been separated from Connie and you had been pleasantly impressed by his attitude towards his partner and friend.

As much as he despised showing he had a soft side to his otherwise rough persona, Javier kept revealing it in the most unexpected circumstances, and you kept being impressed by it.

Your own softness had vanished many years ago.

“I cannot believe that I came here tonight with a prepared speech against your advances,” you smile. “At least I won’t have to waste it now.”

“So… what? No super sexy underwear? Or was that a trap?”

You chuckle, and so does Javier.

“What was it?”

“The speech?”

He nods.

“How were you planning to reject me?”

“Well… firstly, I imagined you were drunk out of your mind and incredibly horny.”

“I’m hurt that you have such a bad impression of me, agent Y/L/N.”

You cock an eyebrow at him, which only makes him chuckle in that coarse voice of his and lower his head in amusement.

“And so… I was going to say that I don’t care one bit that you might be the self-proclaimed sex god of Colombia because I am not a piece of meat. You want your girls pretty, legs spread for you and with a fair price. That’s as far as it goes for you and I understand that, but that is not me. Those women are also not pieces of meat. They do their job, and you do them. And it’s the easy way, which again, I get. I was also going to say that you got a lot of nerve making a move on me when I am clearly not eager of surrendering to a man whore and especially not to one with whom I work.”

“Hmm. Great speech. Convincing. Very powerful. Hurtful to the male ego.”

“I know, right? Thank you.”

“But what if I would’ve asked you out? Sober, of course. What if… I would’ve asked you to go out with me, on a real date? Maybe at a candle-lit restaurant, the best one in town, where you could order whatever you want off the menu because it would be on me, followed by a walk through the town, in the moonlight, back to your place, and saying goodnight to you with a kiss?”

You stare at him, trying to determine whether he was serious about that made-up scenario or not. You knew him for long enough to recognize when he was sarcastic or not, and that was not one of those times.

Taken aback, you huff, taking a sip of your drink.

“Not a chance,” you respond, avoiding his eyes. “Also, since when are you a romantic sap?”

“I didn’t say that I am.”

“You said all of that way too fast and explicit for them to not be embedded into your brain for a little while.”

Javier clears his throat, takes another sip of whiskey and ignores your remark.

“One thing you got wrong in your speech, though. I do not treat women like pieces of meat.”

You giggle, but this time Javier frowns instead of joining you, feeling a little flustered and mad.

“Oh, come on,” you smile widely at him, eyes filled with mistrust. “Seriously? _You?_ A regular at every brothel in Medellín?”

“You never went to bed with me and you never will, so how would you know? I can understand why you might be tempted to think that way, but don’t break my fucking heart, agent Y/L/N.”

Only then did you realize how serious he was. You could see the hurt and anger in his eyes. Nonetheless, Javier did not act up on it and maintained his gentle mannerisms.

“Rapists are the ones who treat people like pieces of meat and don’t give a fuck about anything else except their own pleasure, and that is _not me._ Let’s get this straight. Those women do their jobs, as you said. I get what I want, and they get what they want. Win-win. Actually, it’s more of a win for them now that I think about it. They get at least one orgasm and good money for their effort.”

You raise your eyebrows, suspicious and surprised alike.

“Yes. _At least one_ ,” he emphasizes shamelessly, his cockiness returning. “But I treat them like a partner, as they are when we get together. I ask them what they want, they ask me what do I want or like and how they want it, and I deliver. As do they. Sex is no good if only one person gets relief.”

“You are full of surprises tonight, Peña.”

“I got a lot of those up my sleeve.”

“I’m sorry if I offended or hurt you.”

“No harm done, baby.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you, Steve and Connie decide to liquor Javi up in order to ensure he is, indeed, feeling okay, things go south a little too fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some strong language, mentions of alcohol and drugs, unexpected double confession

You had noticed a significant change in Javier’s behavior over the next few weeks, not just at the office, where he was much more focused and open to discuss with potential informants about the Cali cartel, but also whenever you hung out privately with him, Steve and Connie. He seemed to be going through some internal crisis of some sort, you figured, and Steve had gone as far as to say that Javier hadn’t enjoyed any company in at least a month.

Now that was the piece of information which really tipped you off.

Of course you were more than glad that he was being a proper agent - and also a bit glad that he laid off the cigarettes and questionable encounters - but you still made a plan with Steve in order to figure out whatever was going on with Javier.

All four of you agreed to go out for some drinks after work on a Thursday night, with you and Steve planning to liquor him up in exchange for information. Though with Javier, he needn't be asked nor invited to drink.

There you were, ordering drink after drink, sharing a joint and talking about work and life and relationships all the while playing “Never have I ever” at 11:48 p.m. in a busy pub, all laughing at the bluntness and stupidity of the game and your answers, respectively. 

“Wait, wait! You _swallowed??_ ” Connie laughed, glass of Martini almost slipping from her hand.

“One time!” you laughed as well, ignoring the looks and smirks coming from Steve and Javier, both several beers and whiskeys in.

“The question is, who hasn’t?” Steve interfered, winking at Connie. “Don’t act like you didn’t, honey.”

Connie slapped him lightheartedly but kept laughing nonetheless. 

“See? What are you judging me for?!” you exclaimed.

“That’s valuable information you provided us with, ladies,” Javier spoke, eyes glued to you.

“Don’t be crude.”

He did a little bow, and you could practically feel his burning gaze going right through you, so you cocked an eyebrow at him in return, finishing your gin and tonic and ordering another one.

“Ask the next question then, Peña,” you commanded him.

“Never have I ever… wanted to pull an all-nighter.”

There was a brief pause, Steve and Connie being the only ones perplexed. “As in… studying and shit?” Steve eventually asked.

Javier said nothing in return as he took a sip from his glass, eyes intently watching you and your expression change from surprise to smugness. He shamelessly watched your tongue glide across your bottom lip, wetting it, and staring right back at him.

“No,” you cleared for him. “He means _fucking_ all night.”

“Holy shit!”

“The - the _whole night?!_ ”

“Just wanting to,” Javier specified.

“Aren’t you a bit old for that?” you asked him, an indecent and playful smile smeared across your mouth.

“You underestimate my willpower and stamina, agent.”

"You certainly think very highly of yourself."

"Someone has to. Self-love, isn't that right?"

You chuckled, shaking your head.

“Well shit, I guess all four of us gotta drink, right?” Steve conferred.

“I mean - I don't know about - "

“Oh, come on, Y/N, like this hasn’t at least crossed your mind!”

So all four of you drank.

No time was left for any additional question as “Maria, Maria” by Santana began playing in the background, and many of the people present headed towards the designated dance floor immediately, bodies swaying eagerly next to each other. Connie and Steve followed suit, leaving Javier and you alone at the bar, pondering over your two very obvious choices.

“Would you like to dance?” Javier asked you, hand extended to you.

You smiled, unaware of how that seemingly mundane gesture made him feel on the inside.

“Yes.”

Javier led you to the dance floor so effortlessly you could’ve sworn you floated over there; you were stunned by the fact that he did not seem neither drunk nor high in the slightest. On the contrary, he moved smoothly along with the song, one hand resting gently on your back, barely daring to touch the fabric covering your skin, and the other hand holding yours, your fingers intertwined with his, carefully and tightly so, as if terrified to somehow lose him in the drunken crowd.

Your eyes shifted from his chest, ever so slightly and teasingly exposed, to the floor and then to his face, a flustered smile now revealing itself.

“You got some moves, Peña,” you noticed with a little chuckle. “Who would’ve guessed?”

“I like to bring them out once in a full moon.”

“Now _that_ is valuable information.”

Javier fully laughed this time, eyes still lingering on your face, absorbing every inch of detail there was. His look was one of admiration and, if he didn’t knew it any better, _love_.

He hadn’t been in love with anyone before. In all his thirty six years of life, he never had those kind of emotions when he looked at someone. He figured that he simply had to be infatuated with you, for what other explanation was there for the way his skin was on fire each time you returned his look?

A part of him wanted nothing more but to be alone with you and make you feel like you are the indisputable best, in every way he could think of, but he was not so sure anymore that an out of the blue confession would work, especially given how your surroundings were.

You had looked absolutely ravishing the entire evening, more so than usual, which was of no help to him: you wore a knee high dress which embraced your body wonderfully, silver jewels sprayed across your ears, neck and wrists, red lipstick enunciating your plush lips and black eyeliner across your lids, making you seem even _more_ eye-catching than you were on a daily basis.

Javier found himself wondering and dreaming of how it felt to kiss those fiery, soft lips, to bite them and abuse your mouth in the most pleasurable and passionate ways he knew – 

“What’s going on in that handsome head of yours, Peña?” you asked him, a hint of flirtatious intent behind your voice.

“Not much has changed since the last time we spoke one on one.”

“You mean when you called me to your apartment at night at I legitimately thought it was a booty call, three weeks ago?”

“Yeah, that would be the time.”

“Still a bit disappointed that I wasted fine lingerie on you.”

“You shouldn’t have.”

Both of you smirked, finding odd comfort in the sassy way you managed to carry out a conversation. It had become the standard in your friendship, and Javier truly felt at his best when he was with you.

“If you wanted to sleep with me, you could have just said so. I’m easy like that,” Javier added, gently spinning you around and bringing you back to his chest, nearly feeling your heartbeat.

He licked his lips unconsciously, staring down at yours.

“Oh, I know you are easy,” you replied.

“Set myself up for that one, didn’t I?”

“Yes. What did I tell you last time you indirectly propositioned me?”

“Not a chance?”

“Not a chance.”

Javier looked defeated for a moment, but he sure was damn good with women and it was no secret to anyone. He knew exactly how to flirt and do it so slickly that you wouldn’t even realize it, or that he made you flirt back. And he knew when someone wanted him.

He flattered himself by thinking all of that sassy talk and all those innuendos were not just words.

The music changed, and neither had realized. Both looked at each other, longing and craving, despite your best efforts to hide it. Javier eventually lowered his head, feeling for what was probably the first time in his life intimidated by a woman, truly flustered. He smiled to himself, not even acknowledging the fact that Connie and Steve had disappeared.

All he cared about was that he felt absurdly happy and content whenever he was around you, and he wanted that feeling to stay.

He wanted you to stay.

“Still feeling overwhelmed?” you asked, snapping him out of his daydream.

“Overwhelmed?”

“By work.”

“Oh. Right now… not so much, no.”

“Hey! Did you ask him what’s wrong with him?” Steve shouted in both your ears, subtlety clearly abandoning him.

You frowned at Steve, disregarding his tactless way of handling things.

“Yes. I did.”

“What’s going on?”

Connie did a few desperate hand gestures behind Javier in order to signal her husband to shut up, but alas, he was too drunk to pick up on anything.

“What the fuck did you mean by that?” Javier asked Steve directly, who panicked and went in silent mode.

“Oh, now you know to shut up!” you scolded him.

“Javi - “ Connie began, flustered.

He might have smoked and drank, but his DEA instincts kicked in and he began piecing everything together. He felt anger boiling in his veins, taking control over him.

“Is this why we went out tonight? For a fucking interrogation?”

His tone was betraying anger by far. He couldn’t hide it. He had raised his voice above the music, veins popping on his neck and temples, nearly bursting out. He had done so in retaliation and self-defense.

He suddenly felt disappointed and betrayed.

“It’s not an interrogation, Javi. We’re just… a bit worried for you, that’s all,” Connie told him gently.

“Worried about what?!”

“You’re being weird, man,” Steve told him.

And realization hit him like a truck.

He finally realized what you considered so bizarre about his habits lately.

He hadn’t been going out excessively or by himself like he used to except for when he hung out with the three of you for a night cap, a nice dinner or even some casual nights at Steve and Connie’s. He wasn’t hooking up with prostitutes anymore, and he wasn’t smoking anymore.

He knew damn well why he was doing all of those things. Just like he knew it made him feel much better and lighter.

But to his friends, it seemed he had become a stranger.

“So I’m acting fucking weird because I’m trying to fucking change for the better? Is that it? For trying to do something that’s actually fucking good for me?! Is that it??”

“Easy, Peña, you’re making a scene,” you said, hand gripping his arm.

Even in his vague drunkenness, Javier felt his skin itch and burn where you touched him. For a split second, it seemed like there was no one else at that pub but him and you. Like there existed no one but you. All he could think about again was the taste of your lips, your mouth, your body, all that he wished to take in and drink like the finest wine known to mankind.

“And _you_ ,” he cooed, hand still gently removing yours away.

“Careful, Peña, neither one of us is really in a stable mental place right now,” you warned him, carefully observing his moves.

“You started this.”

“Started what?”

“Every… fucking thing! Everything starts and ends with you! This - this fucking trick of yours to get me to confess myself and to make me… vulnerable and - and worried sick, all the fucking time!”

“I think the weed is making him paranoid,” Connie whispered, visibly concerned.

“Listen to me, that was not what - “

“Don’t bother to fucking lie! Is this - is this what you all want me to do? Is this what I’m supposed to be doing for the rest of my life, how I am supposed to be? Smoke my lungs out and fuck pretty ladies whose names I really don’t give a shit about anymore? Is it? Tell me, agent.”

He had gotten dangerously close to you and, to your hazy mind as well, his anger did not match the look on his face. He seemed rather pleading and desperate for something comforting.

“What do you mean you don’t give a shit about anymore?” you asked.

“Is that what you want me to do, agent?” he repeated, forehead nearly touching yours. “Because I can easily go right now and find the nearest whore, the nearest woman in need of – “

“That’s not what I want,” you whispered only for him to hear, teeth clenched in fury and –

 _What the hell was that?_ you muttered in your mind.

_Jealousy? Jealous of what?_

The idea of Javier sleeping yet again with a random woman suddenly seemed like a very threatening and painful prospect.

Javier moved even closer to you, his whiskey-infused and hot breath on your face now.

“Then what the fuck is it that you want from me?” he gritted.

“If you couldn’t tell when you’re sober, what fucking chance do I have when you’re fucked up in the head?”

Javier felt disarmed for the first time since he knew you and, being way too drunk and high to process anything properly anymore, he felt completely terrified of the moment and completely intimidated by you.

He watched you make your way out of the crowded pub, unable to move his body despite the loud voice shouting at him in his head to run after you. Fear crippled him entirely and he could make no gesture, no sound. Only when you were out of his sight completely did he freak out.

Perhaps having a hit of that joint and mixing it with alcohol hadn’t been such an inspired choice.

“How about we call it a night? I’ll go check on Y/N,” Connie proposed.

“She - what was she talking about?” Javier asked frantically, eyes still glued on the far off exit.

“Javi - “

“What was she talking about?? I know you know!”

“She’s got the hots for you, you fucking moron!” Steve finally yelled, sobering up slightly.

Javier’s eyes widened, his mouth agape. Shivers ran down his spine as realization hit him, more like a tidal wave this time around.

He had to re-evaluate his flirting skills, it seemed.

“She has a much better judgement than you though,” Steve continued, “and she doesn’t wanna get involved with playboy Peña.”

“She… _no_. She - she _likes_ me?”

“She’s… pretty crazy about you,” Connie added.

“I was just as shocked.”

“But I… oh my… fucking God. Fuck!! I - I fucked it up. Oh fuck, did I fuck this up!! Oh my… fucking… God. I’m - I’m fucking crazy about her, I - I gotta - “

“What??”

Connie’s scream seemed to sober up Javier as well. His eyes were open wide still, the unexpected confession electrifying his entire body all at once, painfully fast.

“That’s why you stopped doing all those things,” Connie realized softly. “For her.”

Javier could only nod, majorly disappointed in himself. If he hadn’t been so cynical and such a major jackass, maybe things would have taken a better and easier turn.

“What - what else did she say?” he asked Steve desperately, hands gripping his collar.

“I don’t know, she… somehow manages to see something else in you that the rest of us don’t.”

“Look, Javi. Hey, listen to me. The point is… yes, she is pretty nuts for you, too, but she doesn’t want to make working together awkward in any way. And she definitely doesn’t want to be another number on your long list of… conquests.”

“That’s why I stopped - oh, for fuck’s sake! I mean - I just wanted - I thought that - FUCK!! I just wanted…”

“I’ll be damned. I lived to see the day that Javier Peña is nervous.”

Javier shot him a deadly look, but Steve followed him out of the pub without any further words.

“I gotta go talk to her,” Javier said, eagerly looking for a taxi. “I gotta explain to her, I gotta - “

“Hold it right there!” Connie said, raising one hand. “You’re not going to her when you’re like this. You cannot have a conversation with her about how you feel when you’re messed up.”

“Yeah… okay. Yeah, maybe - maybe that makes sense.”

“I’ll go check on her. Steve, you take him home and make sure he stays there.”

“I can’t drive like this, honey…”

“I meant in a cab.”

“Oh. Right.”

Connie turned to Javier, gently grabbing both his arms and inspecting his face closely. Her eyes were so honest and calming that they managed to soothe even Javier.

“Go home, get your head right, and then go after her. Maybe… ask her some place nice.”

“I can do that.”

“Don’t miss this chance, Javi. Don’t fuck it up.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of what’s probably Javi’s biggest mistake, you decide to call him out on his bullshit and take matters into your own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pure angst (some sexual tension thrown in there bc it’s Javi we’re talking about; contains strong language; also reader is a badass)

Javier fucked it up.

Bigtime.

There was no way to go around it, no way of lying his way out and certainly no way of explaining it. It was as obvious and retched as it could be.

When you had shockingly barged into his apartment to drag him back to the office for an unexpected raid at a supposed Cali laboratory, Javier’s heart nearly sunk completely. He had not once felt embarrassed or ashamed in bed, and yet now, there he was, flushed, miserable and regretful. He recognized from a single look on your face that you were also disappointed and hurt.

And it made him feel like the dirtiest, cheapest and most cruel man in the world.

There he had been, pounding into that woman’s ass like there was no tomorrow, harshly grabbing the flesh on her hips, almost desperate to thrust his cock into her as deeper and faster as possible, and the second you saw and heard them… he was so close to throwing that prostitute out the door, butt naked as she was without a single trace of remorse.

There was nothing he could explain about what happened. You had caught him red-handed, and he had no way out. He wanted to defend himself, claim that it was a momentary lack of judgement or that his needs had gotten the worst of him yet again and he chose to follow that primal instinct, but that was not the truth.

The truth was, he overheard you and Horacio Carillo talking at the office about some dinner.

He saw the surprised look on your face as he had asked you out, your shy and sincere smile as you accepted his invitation.

He saw Carillo’s momentary smugness, his evident pride at the triumph he had just achieved, and he loathed it with every fiber of his being.

He felt everything at once, eating him alive like never before: jealousy, anger, disappointment, self-loathing… all of it.

Of course you would accept to have dinner with Carillo, Javier thought grudgingly. He was, by any female standard, he supposed, a charming, handsome and determined man. He knew exactly what he wanted and he went for it without hesitation.

Something which Javier severely lacked in the romance department.

He was afraid, that much was true; he was terrified of having a significant other when his life was so tumultuous. And especially one who worked in the same environment and who could get injured or killed in the field at any point during the day.

When you did get shot, months ago, Javier felt a pain like no other. He had been so frantic that Messina had forced him to take a leave of absence to clear his head. And when he finally saw you back at the office, he smiled wider than he recalled doing in years. You were tough, and he knew it damn well.

But this time, he fucked it up.

You haven’t spoken a single word to each other at the office. You did not even throw him a single glance, which both Javier and Steve remarked, but Steve knew better than to meddle in between the two of you after the last time. He observed quietly, and even he saw how polite and gentle Carillo was with you. It got him wondering if the two had somehow became an item, but the thought made no sense.

If you were crazy about Javier and he was crazy about you, then… what was standing in your way?

“Are you gonna give me that fucking folder or do I have to get it myself?”

 _Javier_.

That’s what’s standing in your way.

Javier _fucking_ Peña.

The insatiable, low-key self-destructive womanizer.

Steve threw him the folder from his desk and watched as a mindless and incredibly jealous Javier looked through it with mechanical motions, his eyes glued to Carillo and the conversation he was having with you. He growled, barely perceptible, but Steve could clearly hear it.

“Alright,” Steve said, closing the folder in front of him and leaning over the desk, “what the hell’s your problem?”

Javier looked up, frowning.

“I’m just trying to work here, Murphy.”

“The hell you are. You’re not even here. You keep looking over your shoulder, you’re restless and you’re snapping and every single thing and person.”

Javier only stared at him in return.

“Mind your business, will you?”

Steve leaned more over the desk, whispering only so that Javier could hear him. Even he began feeling frustrated at how downright idiotic and stubborn his partner could be.

“What the fuck did you do to Y/N?” he muttered.

“Nothing.”

“Really? Nothing?”

Javier shrugged, disgust and shame creeping their way back into his heart, shrinking it to the size of a peanut. 

“Then why isn’t she even looking at you? She hasn’t said a damn word to you in two weeks.”

“You’re so quick to assume that I am at fault here.”

This time, Steve raised his brows, somehow hoping that Javier was joking.

“I am. Because you always seem to find a questionable and fucked up way to cope with how you’re really feeling and to avoid actually dealing with it. My instinct tells me you fucked up. Bigtime.”

Javier did fuck up.

_Big, bigtime._

And there was no way of taking it back or fixing it.

He huffed, lowering his head so that he could avoid Steve’s judging eyes as well. He hated how transparent he had become as of lately, especially to Steve.

“She… saw something… she wasn’t supposed to see,” he mumbled, pretending to read the words spread out before his eyes.

“Such as?”

“I had company.”

Silence.

There was no response for a while. Javier looked up after some time and was met with Steve’s dumbfounded and frowny face, which told him more than enough. Of course he was annoyed with Javier. He was annoyed with himself, even. Javier had ruined any progress he had made with you, and he was incapable of being honest with you regarding his feelings and intentions.

And now, Horacio Carillo had beat him to it.

Out of nowhere, Steve slapped him across his head, angering Javier for a moment until he realized that it had been a well-deserved hit.

“What the fuck’s the matter with you??” he whispered. “That’s a good woman who, for some reason, is head over heels for your thrill-seeking ass!”

“I know that, Murphy - “

“No, scratch that. She’s a fucking _incredible_ woman who could kick your ass any day, and she should. Especially now.”

“I know that! I know that, okay??”

Javier rose from his chair, gaining the unwanted attention of some of the colleagues present, including Carillo and you.

“Don’t you think I know that??” he rasped to Steve. “I know everything you might have to tell me, Murphy!”

“Then why are you being a fucking idiot?”

“That’s who I am! That’s how I am! An irreparable man with issues who fucks whores and drinks the night away!”

His eyes accidentally intersected with yours, who watched him with a blank expression. He maintained the eye contact ever so viciously, feeling his heart hurt in unimaginable ways, all the while making his way out of the office.

“And I can’t seem to be able to change,” he muttered as he walked past you and Carillo.

»»————- ♡ ————-««

It was around one a.m. when he heard the big thump against the door. There was no other sound succeeding it, so he opened, expecting Steve, but he sucked his breath in as you stood in the frame, face betraying hurt and anger clearer than ever.

You were wearing a black dress, knee-high which accentuated the beautiful outline of your legs, displaying just the right amount of cleavage, and a long coat over it. You had clearly been out, and the sudden thought of you returning from a late night date with Carillo made Javier _blind_ with rage.

He didn’t say a word to you and you didn’t either. You simply walked in, the sound of your heels clicking on the floor and seemingly judging Javier from just the way you walked.

“What are you doing here?” Javier finally muttered, positively confused.

You crossed your arms, being several feet away from him.

“What am I doing here? What am I doing here… good question, Javier. What do _you_ think I’m doing here at this ungodly hour?”

There was no answer from him. He seemed to be too shocked to reply, which made you frown, only now with concern.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

Javier gulped, quite amazed by his own reaction. “You’ve never… called me by my first name before.”

You took deep breaths and resumed your irritated speech, forcing yourself to ignore how affected and in how much of a trance Javier looked at you.

“I am here… because you are a complete and absolute idiot. An absolute moron. A complete, absolute fucking moron. You see me talking to Carillo and your first instinct is to go fuck the first whore you can find? Seriously?”

“You’re angry.”

You clapped mockingly a few times, which made Javier feel much worse than before. He failed to look at you. It was pointless, really; he could practically _feel_ your death stare and disappointment from your voice.

“You could have come to me and ask me. You could’ve just asked me. How difficult would it have been to simply ask me what was going on? Like a friend. Or not. Who the hell can tell anymore? But you said I was your friend.”

“You are.”

“Am I? Didn’t I used to get on your nerves for talking and being so efficient?”

Even though you were clearly pushing his buttons, Javier did not feel the need to respond in any way. It was somewhat true that, once upon a time when you first came to the office and got introduced to the team, he thought of you as overly ambitious and high strung, but within the first two months of you working together, his impression had changed _drastically_.

He soon found that you were everything an ideal woman was: strong, fierce, independent and resourceful, intelligent and gorgeous beyond measure, with the right amount of sarcasm and cockiness to spice it all up.

He failed to recall, however, when was the first time he started to realize that he had feelings for you. It might have been when you got shot on the field, for he vaguely remembered how agitated he had been. He never felt anxious and pained like that before. 

It might have been the first night you two hung out after work and you laughed for hours on end like neither had.

Or it might just have been that very first day when you came into the office and introduced yourself.

“Am I really your friend, _Javier?_ ” you asked again, accentuating his name. “Cause I sure as hell don’t see Steve or any other dick possessor reacting the way you did.”

“I… can’t explain it, okay? It just… happened.”

He hadn’t a single clue as to what kind of force took over him as he approached you, trapping you against the wall.

“It just… _happened_ ,” you repeated with a gulp.

“It’s what I do. It’s what I always do when I need some distraction.”

“That’s the worst, most pathetic excuse I have ever heard.”

“I know.”

“Really? It _just_ happened? You just so happen to bump into a prostitute, with your dick shoved up her ass?”

The way you were letting out your anger and displeasure at Javier’s filthy actions, paired with the accentuated obscenity of the words and the way you made no visible action to escape, it was all conspiring against Javier and his instincts, making him feel especially terrible and yet incredibly aroused, for some sick reason.

Which further made him feel like the scum of the earth.

“At least Horacio had the decency to ask me out,” you continued, at last moving away from him. “At least he had the guts to do it instead of sitting around, moping and telling me bullshit stories about how he sees me as a friend when in reality, things couldn’t be farther away from that.”

“ _Horacio?_ Are we on the first name basis with him now?”

You frowned, anger boiling in your veins upon witnessing his impertinence and stubbornness. “Are you surprised that I know his first name or what? Are you just thinking that we’ve already fucked?” 

“No offense, but I really _don’t_ want to know the kind of things you did or didn’t do with him.”

“I also didn’t need that image of you and that whore stuck in my brain, but it’s too late for that now, isn’t it?”

He looked at you bewildered, filled with shame.

“I would say we’re even, but you thinking of me and Horacio is _nothing_ like what I have seen,” you cooed. “And we didn’t do anything, you fucking moron.”

Javier stared at you, eyes ecstatic just as he was. Those simple words went rapidly through him, changing his mood within a second.

“But you… were with him tonight. Weren’t you?”

His question carried no hints of accusation, nor anger or jealousy. He had become genuinely curious and interested, although fear seemed to have replaced his other previous emotions.

“Yes,” you replied, voice breaking a little. “Yes, I was with him tonight. We had dinner.”

“Then why are you – “

Your desperate laughter made him gulp. He regretted asking the question as soon as it came out. He had realized immediately how stupid it was.

Just like he felt.

“I turned down a good man tonight. An attentive, gentle and kind man. I traded that, all of that… for a fucking womanizer. Does that answer your question?”

“Carillo isn’t exactly a holy or gentle man. Trust me.”

“But he is, Javier! He is! He fucking is, with me! And I don’t particularly trust you right now. He is kind and caring and funny and… all that I could think about tonight, and every other night when we went out… all that I could think, see or hear in my brain was the damn day that I went in looking for my partner, my colleague… and found him fucking the shit out of some woman with very loose morals.”

Javier lowered his head again, embarrassment sweeping his body like a tidal wave. It hurt him immensely to simply look at your teary eyes, your mad, flushed face, and to realize how badly he had fucked things up and how badly he had hurt you.

“You cannot possibly be so blind or so arrogant and pretend to not see or feel… the gut-wrenching way that I come looking for you. Every day, every night. You are in my head… so much so that it’s like… it’s like you own it. Like I… belong to you. And I _hate_ this more than I can put into words, more than anything else. I cannot even begin to express the hatred that I feel because of the way you make me feel.”

“You’re in my head every goddamn day and every goddamn night, Y/N. Every minute of every day, all I can think about is you. I swear.”

A single tear fell down your cheek as you watched, astounded, an exhausted Javier finally lowering the walls around his heart. His husky voice was breaking down as much as he was and his eyes were glued to yours as he walked up to you again.

“Then what the hell is wrong with you?” you asked, nearly choking on your words.

“Everything.”

You gasped, taking a good look at the broken man in front of you. His thumb ran across your cheek and wiped away your tear and you distanced yourself from him, sensitive to his presence.

“No, don’t – don’t do it. You know, I – I thought, at some point… that you really did give up those old habits. I thought that you really were trying so hard to be better. Not that I expect you to change for me or for anyone, but… silly me just thought that maybe you’d like to give something real a chance.”

“I did. I did do it. And then… Carillo came and… had the guts to do what I couldn’t because… I’m a coward when it comes to these things, Y/N. I am… a fucking coward. The idea of losing someone when dealing with criminals on the daily is what I do for a living terrifies me.”

“You’re not the only one who feels that way.”

“No, I – I know. I convinced myself for a long time that I should just deal with things alone because I can’t have someone, because I shouldn’t.”

“Again, weak excuse.”

You were simply unforgiving, and one thing was clear for Javier: it was exactly what he needed.

“When I met that woman at a bar and brought her back to my house… all the time, all the fucking time, from the moment we kissed until you found us… I imagined you. I imagined those sounds were yours, I imagined the skin I was touching was yours – “

“Oh, _please!_ ”

“It’s the truth.”

“Screw your truth. You can’t say things like these to someone and expect them to melt and fall on their knees for you!”

“I’m not – “

“I am _not_ a trophy. I am _not_ a prize, I am not any inanimate object, Peña. Is that clear to you?”

“Yes.”

“I am not the grand prize you have to win by saying you always picture me when you’re with another woman. That’s a shitty excuse for shitty behavior. And this – this just makes you the biggest idiot and jerk on this planet.”

“I know.”

“Stop… agreeing with everything that I say!”

“What do you want me to do then, Y/N?”

There was silence for a little bit. The only audible sound were your breaths, uneven and nervous.

“I don’t think I can trust you outside the job,” you whispered unsteady.

“What do you want me to do, Y/N? What do you need me to do?”

“Many things, honestly.”

“Tell me.”

Your lungs nearly gave out on you as Javier placed one hand around your waist and pulled you in, practically gluing your body to his.

“Like I said… I don’t trust you outside of work right now. And I don’t know the whereabouts of your mouth well enough to let it do more than talk right now.”

Javier chuckled, much to his and your surprise. “I’m very sorry for what I did,” he mumbled. “For hurting you.”

You tried to keep your ground and remain impassible to him, but he was looking at you with those big, regretful brown puppy eyes and you felt your heart flutter against your will and better judgement. You could feel that he was being honest. You couldn’t explain it, but you just knew he was truthful.

Still, that did not change how you felt. It did not change the pain you felt seeing him with that woman, though he had every right to do what he wanted with anyone. You were certainty nothing more but colleagues, barely even friends since their feelings for one another were entirely different.

“If you want me, you have to gain my trust first,” you replied.

“How?”

“Be open with me. How fucking hard do you think that is? Ask me out like a normal person. Ask me out… the way you said you would that night when you called me to your apartment.”

Javier let go of your waist and unknowingly bit his lower lip whilst staring at you with an unbelievable hunger.

Hunger which you now shared as well.

“Would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow night, in the best candle-lit restaurant in town, where you can order anything you want? Would you like to take a walk with me afterwards through the hot streets, under the moon-lit sky while I walk you home and kiss you goodnight?”

An eternity passed before you gave your answer.

“Yes.”

“Then I’ll… see you tomorrow?”

“See you tomorrow.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected death brings you and Javi closer, both of you in need of comfort and a shoulder to cry on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst + some fluff along the way + MENTION OF CHARACTER DEATH!!

You have always been a strong woman with strong moral principles. You believed in what you could see or touch. You valued rationality and logic above all.

But when Horacio Carillo’s death pressed an inevitable and rushed pause on your developing relationship with Javier, you just knew it had to be a sign.

A sign that you shouldn’t go down that road with him.

It was, most likely, a relationship doomed to fail. Javier was not someone to be easily convinced of change, and you were not as ridiculous or demanding as to force him to change his habits and ways for you, regardless of how he might have felt. You even had a hard time believing that he was truly in love with you. 

You convinced yourself over and over again that he only had carnal lust over someone he knew he couldn’t have.

You sat through Carillo’s beautiful memorial service with Steve by your side the entire time. You had been thinking of how hard Carillo fought in his war against Pablo Escobar and the Cali cartel, the extremes he had gone to in order to catch the self-proclaimed drug lords and how respected and feared he had been among his peers.

And you had been also absentmindedly thought about Javier. Just as you always had been, it seemed.

Steve drove you home after the service, saying few words during the ride. He had been just as affected and shook by Carillo’s passing and you knew it well. You saw him sob hopelessly into Connie’s arm and felt his pain all too much. 

You hugged him tightly for a little while as he pulled in your driveway.

“Thanks for the ride,” you said.

“Not a problem. You take care, alright?”

The look on your face as you gazed at him displayed immense care.

“Connie really won the lottery with you, you know that?”

Steve furrowed his brows and chuckled shyly, taken aback.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re a really, really good man, Steve. And... in an ideal world, I would definitely be chasing after you or Carillo rather than...other questionable people.”

And Steve finally understood. Flattered, he chuckled once more, fondly responding to your glare.

“He’s a really good guy, too,” he told you. “He might have his fucked up methods to ignore his feelings, but... he’s still a good man.”

“I know. I just wish - “

You frowned as you noticed Javier’s car parked out front.

“What the - “

Steve squinted as well, realizing that Javier had indeed parked his Jeep in front of the building.

“Is he just... waiting out there... in the car? Alone?” you asked, stepping out.

“I... don’t know.”

“We should probably go talk to him. Come on.”

“Or... _one_ of us could.”

The look Steve had exchanged with you had let you know that he was practically _insisting_ for you to be the one to take one for the team. You rolled your eyes and offered Steve a kiss on the cheek nonetheless for his chivalry and support throughout the day, approaching the black Jeep with your heart in your throat and a certain fear building up within you.

The closer you got, the more you feared that Javier was in no good state of mind, and that was something you could not have coped with in those moments. 

You knocked carefully on the driver’s window, making him turn towards you and, mere seconds later, step out of the car. He arranged his belt, and you quickly noticed that he was wearing an all-black outfit.

“Did you host your own private funeral today or what’s going on with you?”

Javier pulled out a grey flask from the pocket of his leather jacket, took a sip and put it back where he took it from. He barely looked at you, and though you might have felt a tad relieved at first, now it was beginning to feel downright upsetting.

“You could have come today,” you told him resentfully. 

“I, uh... I don’t do funerals.”

“What are you doing here, Peña?” 

He put his hands on his hips whilst seemingly having a staring match with the concrete, but you were having none of it. You got right into his face and pulled his chin up, eyes shooting at him in a vicious and intimidating way which let him know he should not have messed with you.

“I asked you what are you doing here?”

“I just wanted to check on you. See how you’re doing.”

You sucked your cheeks in, trying to suppress the crushing need to scream and sob right there. Instead, you crossed your arms at your chest and stared at Javier with an inexplicable rage.

“One of our colleagues got shot yesterday, one of our best colleagues and friends. He got shot five times, even though he was already dead by the second bullet. This was a hate crime, Peña. We all bid him goodbye today, while the monsters responsible for this are still out there, snorting cocaine and drinking merrily. I’m not exactly in my best shape today. I’m not in the mood for... whatever it is that you want, so - “

“I just... wanted to talk. That’s all.”

He took another sip from his flask, but you couldn’t help but acknowledge the subtle tremor in his voice as he spoke, how guilt-driven he seemed to be.

You sulked, thinking that Javier Peña was more affected by Carillo’s shocking death than what he chose to show. His lower lip trembled ever so slightly, and it was your cue, against everything your practical self was preaching to you, to grab his hand and rub your thumb against it like he had done to you the other day.

To your surprise, he let you and he even smiled a little to you.

“Why don’t we go inside?” you proposed, and he nodded in agreement.

Javier followed you patiently and silently, not even daring to make himself comfortable once he stepped into your apartment. It was, just as he had expected, highly clean and organized. He only felt it was appropriate to sit down in a chair once you had signaled him to do so.

“I know you’re more of a hard liquor fan, but can I offer you some wine?”

“Yes, please.”

You poured two glasses of red wine and sat down next to him, huffing as you took the first sip.

“I don’t do funerals anymore,” Javier blurted out suddenly, “since - since I attended my friend’s funeral. Years ago.”

He spoke gravely, his eyes fixated on the wine glass. You frowned, attentively listening to him and allowing him his freedom of speech.

“We were twenty. A stupid hit and leave. I caught that son of a bitch once I joined the DEA. It wasn’t an official case, but... you know, I had the power and resources.”

“Legitimate abuse of power. I get it.”

“I have never felt more terrible than I did at that funeral. It was the worst feeling in the world. And I never wanted to go through that again.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

Javier took a sip of his wine as well, licking his lips afterwards.

“I know you could’ve used someone there today,” he spoke gravely.

“Steve was there.”

It should have been you, you thought fleetingly.

“It was a really nice service, though,” he added.

“How do you know?”

And Javier finally locked eyes with you, a terrible sadness residing behind them.

“I was way in the back. I blended in. I didn’t stay for the whole thing, but - it was a nice service.”

“What do you think will happen if you just allow yourself to care for another person, openly and freely?”

He shot you a look that left no room for another response from you.

“People tend to die all around me, Y/N. Death is literally every fucking where. You got shot, for fuck’s sake!”

“That was ages ago, I wasn’t properly - “

“You nearly fucking died! What do you think would have happened with me if you had died? Do you think I would’ve stopped blaming myself? Do you think I would’ve ever allowed myself to feel anything, ever again? The answer is hell to the fucking no.”

Javier finished his wine and graciously poured himself more as silence installed itself in between you two. You processed the words he had angrily spat out at you and they made you feel, despite everything, like the most important person in his life.

“i know you... cared for him,” Javier said after a while. “I know you liked him.”

You smiled bitterly at him, sensing the raw honesty and regret in his tone.

“When he first asked me out, weeks ago... I was halfway through dinner when I told him that I really do hold him in high regard, both as a colleague and as a friend, but that I didn’t really see it going further than that. He didn’t ask me why. He accepted it and said that we can of course be friends. Which made him appreciate him more. And I thought... _fuck_. This man is so... kind and gentle and dreamy, and... all I can think about is this problematic asshole with a drinking and anger addiction that I know he can be kinder than anyone. I know he can be charming and down to earth, but he is just too terrified of allowing anything good in his life.”

Javier remained silent and avoided your gaze yet again.

“You are a good man, Javier. Stubborn, arrogant and messed up in many ways that I have yet to understand, but a good man still.”

“I am as selfish as it gets, Y/N.”

“Selfish?”

His eyes found yours, the contact causing him to gasp involuntarily.

“I was there today mostly because... I wanted to see you. I wanted to see if you’re okay, if - “

He stopped, but he needn’t continue. You realized what he meant.

“We said tonight we’ll... have a date.”

“Given the circumstances, today is definitely not the day for that.”

You offered no verbal or physical response, though you agreed with him. Going out to celebrate or flirt was not as tempting as it had been less than 24 hours ago. You only wanted to curl under the blankets, slightly boozy and wait to fall asleep.

You quickly dismissed the mental image your mind had enforced onto you about falling asleep into Javier’s arms, an almost unattainable feeling of safety and closeness devouring you.

You knew that was not about to happen.

The sudden brushing up against your fingers brought you down to earth. You looked down only to notice Javier caressing your hand with his thumb, simply admiring you. His glare was shy by no means; it burned through you like the most powerful flame known to mankind.

You licked your lips, mouth now agape as you returned that very same look.

“I should let you rest,” Javier cooed, not breaking the touch or the stare though.

“You shouldn’t drive home like this. You drank.”

And just like that, Javier became flustered. The prospect he had before him now made him shiver with excitement and fear alike.

“I - I shouldn’t - I can’t stay,” he tried to excuse himself.

 _What the fuck is wrong with you, Peña??_ He yelled at himself for how idiotic he must have sounded.

_You know exactly what is wrong with you, shut the fuck up. And it’s nothing wrong about it whatsoever._

“I promise you that the couch is very comfortable,” you told him.

Gulping, Javier maintained a much too stoic posture and nodded once, rising from his seat and hesitantly removing his leather jacket.

“Javier,” you whispered in his vicinity.

He widened his eyes at you, making him appear so much like a puppy that it completely softened you.

“Goodnight,” was all she said.

“Goodnight.”

Neither of you moved. There was a thick, intoxicating tension in the air that both wanted to clear, badly, and yet you found yourselves unable to move or add any more words, though your eyes have not separated from each other.

Out of the blue, you were the one who moved closer to him, pressing your lips against his freshly shaven cheek, offering him a chaste, mind-fogging kiss that made Javier’s legs turn into putty. As you stepped aside, you licked your lower lip, driving him into a delicious frenzy like none other.

The feeling of his skin against your lips made you gasp and before you could offer another smile, Javier gently grabbed your wrist, pulling you close to his chest, tilted his head in the slightest and pressing his lips on yours this time.

The kiss was spontaneous, to be sure, but it was soft and passionate and lustful at the same time. His lips were just as poisonous as his personality, but they carried a sensuality about them that you simply could not shake. He was an absolute addiction, and you found yourself wrapping your arms around his neck, giving it all in. You wouldn’t normally react that way, but Javier Peña was no ordinary man. The adrenaline rush he gave you each time he looked at you, let alone touched you, was pure ecstasy in itself.

Javier’s hands now rested on your waist, not doing any forced or rushed gesture as he normally would; he took the time for once to explore your mouth and feel your breaths, your movements in apparent slow motion, and to feel your body against his.

The kiss deepened once your tongues found each other in a blissful entanglement, your skin burning to a matching temperature and your breaths collided together as one. It turned from a soft, restrained kiss to an intimate, passionate and sloppy one within bare moments. You felt the nervousness and exhilaration Javier’s hands contained as his fingers roamed aimlessly at the hem of your shirt, but he did no gesture to cross the line. You loved the feeling he offered to you, unwillingly, and you could not let go of him regardless of how out of breath you were.

You found yourself wanting more of that man, in any possible form, in any way.

And, unbeknownst to you, Javier wanted more and more of you all the same.

A phone began to ring, and Javier felt compelled to pull away from you, breathless and grumpy. Both your mouths were red and swollen, peppered with an intensity and fury unknown to many, and he answered his phone between clenched teeth.

“What is it?”

 _“We need you back at the office, Peña,_ ” Trugillo’s voice was heard through the speaker.

Javier growled as if in pain.

“Why?”

_“We got a call from someone about Cali. A man. He said he’ll only talk to you.”_

He frowned, looking confused and apologetically at you, but you encouraged him to go with a simple head movement. He fleetingly remarked how flushed your face was, but then again, he reckoned he was equally as red, so kept any comment to himself.

“Fine. Give me twenty minutes.”

_“We’ll wait for you.”_

Javier put the phone down, hands at the back of his neck, clearly irritated with how rapidly the tension-filled moment had evaporated. 

“Go,” you told him, hands on his chest. “Duty calls.”

He stared hungrily and adoringly at how lenient your hands rested on his chest but alas, he knew you were right. Duty called, and you sure as hell understood things better than his ex- fiance.

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning,” he told her from the door frame, still hesitant to leave. “Thank you for the wine. And for... well... that.”

You smirked.

“I’m beginning to really like flustered Javi.”

“Don’t get too used to him.”

“Mhm. Whatever you say. But I do flatter myself to think that I am the only one who can get you like this, and I must say... I really do enjoy doing it.”

“You’re a big tease, aren’t you?”

He managed to flash a coy smile, but it vanished just as fast as it had appeared when you unexpectedly pulled him back in for another kiss, your hands playing with his hair in the meantime and earning a stiffed, husky groan from him that was so damn attractive you could’ve melted instantly. 

His voice vibrated through your mouth and your body, and the sheer pleasure you received from that action alone had been worth every single thing you had endured to get to that point.

“Goodnight, agent Y/L/N,” he teasingly returned to your shared formalities.

“Goodnight, agent Peña.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Overwhelmed by work and feeling betrayed and lacking control over work, Javier goes to the only place he feels safe and secure: you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angst, fluff (Javi’s emotionally & physically exhausted, soft!Javi has a bit of a meltdown, some mutual pining and sexual tension)

It had been the third time that week alone that Javier had dozed off on his desk.

There was no set schedule at the office anymore; whoever was available, preferably 24/7, they were expected at the office. No room for argument or complaining. The Cali cartel was still thriving with their business, and Javier made the mistake of believing that having direct contact with them would help him in his endeavors.

That couldn’t have been farther away from reality.

He and you have met with Don Berna a couple of days ago, eager to get any information from him as to where the hell Judy Moncada has “mysteriously” vanished, but the meeting solidified itself with nothing but secrets and more lies, and Javier had enough of being played. Regardless of the calls and meetings and raids he did, he simply could not get close enough to Cali to prove just how guilty they were of so many wrong doings.

A gentle tap on his back woke him, and he half-blindly noticed Connie’s silhouette above him, one hand around someone else’s waist.

“You should go home, Javi,” her soft voice fully woke him up. “It’s late.”

Javier rubbed his eyes and rose from the chair, confusedly looking for his jacket.

“Do you want to join us for dinner?” she asked him.

“No thanks, I’m good. You should enjoy your romantic dinner by yourselves.”

“Take care,” Steve patted his back.

Javier lifted one hand as a goodbye to the couple and gathered his things before he closed the office. He felt oddly rested for someone who had been getting only three hours a night, tops, for the last two weeks, but he also felt frustration and anger accumulating fast inside of him. He was getting nowhere with anything, it seemed. He hated the lack of control over things.

He wanted to regain his control.

He hastily drove to your apartment, knowing very well that you were also not asleep. You had been working just as hard as he had in order to gather information about the cartel. 

His mind raced like crazy, developing dozens of scenarios and possibilities of what he could do once he got there. Truth was, a large part of him wanted nothing more lately but to put his badge on Messina’s desk and move some place exotic, no one but him and you. He dreamed rarely of peace and quiet, and more importantly, you. The only person who could calm him, soothe him, read him like a book and figure out his needs before he could.

He knocked on your door, mind empty. He held his breath when you at last opened, a jumped look residing on your face.

“Javier,” you greeted him, surprise evident from your tone. “You’ve made a habit out of late night visits, haven’t you?”

He said nothing as he remained in the door frame. He examined you fugitively, remarking the loose t-shirt and shorts you were wearing, and he softened at the thought of mere comfort. But he also found relaxation in the notion that you were safe in your apartment, far from anyone who could hurt you.

“Do you want to come in?” you asked.

“I - “

He was stuck. For possibly the first time ever, Javier was truly stuck. He had no clue about the words he could say to you. As he drove to you, millions of reasons and words seemed to be sprouting from the depths of his mind and now, upon being face to face with you, nothing. Completely blank.

He exhaled, completely unaware of the fact that he had been holding his breath that entire time, and his voice cracked without a warning. He let out a pained sound, similar to a groan, one that was sufficient for you to grab him inside by the arm and close the door behind you. You pushed him down onto the couch, sitting next to him and closely examining his entire body.

You knew he was exhausted. You knew he was frustrated and mad that he couldn’t uncover the truth about Judy Moncada’s disappearance or the rest of the Cali cartel.

You took his hands into yours and waited.

“I should’ve... called first,” Javier rasped.

His voice was throated and grave, and you realized that he must’ve been under a much more severe pressure than you had originally thought. Even when you worked a case together, he did everything he could to spare you of any unnecessary effort, taking more tasks upon himself, and it was only then that you saw just how deeply it had affected him.

His big, chocolate eyes were tired, hiding a sadness behind them that sunk your heart into your stomach.

“It’s okay,” you reassured him.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For not being... whom I should be. For you. I should be... like Murphy. I should be kind and caring, despite all of the shit that I’ve seen and done. I don’t know how he does it. But I should be like that. For you.”

You ran your fingers through his hair, and Javier closed his eyes at the touch. It felt so hauntingly good that he couldn’t fathom it was something real he was experiencing. Your simple touch made him shiver and calm down at the same time, and to even think that things could, somehow, get better.

“You shouldn’t be anyone but yourself, Javier,” you whispered to him.

He gulped, an emotional turmoil taking over him as he looked at you. He rubbed his thumb over your cheek, the softness determining him to close his eyes again and enjoy it. 

“What did you come here for?”

It was a while before he responded.

“I don’t know. I thought I did, on my way here... but now... I don’t - I can’t - “

You pulled him in and pressed a light kiss on his lips, watching his reaction. Seconds later, a primal instinct woke in Javier and he kissed you back, engaging into a very sloppy, yet fiery and passionate kiss.

One thing that was clear about Javier was that, regardless of his emotional state, his body seemed to naturally know his way around a woman.

You let Javier’s tongue slide right into your cavities, touching every spot there was, his hot breath seemingly fogging your mind. You moaned into the kiss as Javier began to grind against you, now on top of you on the couch, causing you to wrap your legs around his waist. The gesture did nothing if spur him further on, so he began peppering kisses on your neck and jawline, treating particular spots more harshly and teasingly, biting and licking, smiling against your flesh as you moaned.

“J-Javi - Javier - w-wait - “

You could barely speak, but Javier heard you and lifted his head from the crook of your neck, inspecting your facial expression and realizing, in spite of your definitive words, that you enjoyed that make-out session just as much as he did.

“I’m just... not sure if... this is what you really want to do right now,” you told him caringly.

“I need... I need to stop thinking about this entire situation, for a while. Just for a little while. We both could use some... distraction. And what I want right now... I really - God, I _really_ want you, Y/N.”

The way he placed emphasis on his desires made you gulp and, for a brief moment, reconsider your own choice.

“Javier - “

“I need to... get my mind off of... everything. I only need you. _Please_. I don’t need anyone or anything else, ever. I swear, I swear to fucking God. No one else, nothing else. I just... I need to feel you, to touch you and be with you, and on you and inside of you - “

Weakened by his words and physical treatment, you grabbed his face and pulled him in for a kiss, slowly regaining your upright position. When you stopped the kiss, you noticed a bewildered Javier looking back at you, eyes slightly teary. You caressed his cheeks gently.

“As much as I would want this, curious as I may be... and as much as you think that fucking my brains out will help you... I just don’t think this is going to help you get your mind off of what is really bothering you.”

Javier was breathless and speechless as he collapsed at your chest, listening to your heartbeat. It was perhaps the one time since his childhood that he felt truly safe and cared for, and the sudden thought of being with another woman but you repulsed him to the bones. The feeling was unfamiliar to him, but suddenly it felt like the most right thing in the world.

He almost thought that it must have been another Javier Peña who frequented whore houses, not him.

Because this Javier Peña only cared for you and you alone.

“Tonight is not the night for that kind of game that I heard you play so well, Javier,” you told him, caressing his hair again. “Tonight... you’re gonna sit here, have a glass of wine with me and talk normally to me. Like you actually trust me.”

“I trust you with my life. There’s no one else I trust like you.”

Javier lifted his head sufficiently for another kiss on your lips, one you gladly welcomed.

“Wine?”

“Yes.”

“You do understand that this means I am not approving of you hooking up with whores anymore, don’t you?”

Javier laughed, more so at your ability to make him laugh when he least expected or wanted it.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Like I told you before, I am not a piece of meat. So if you sleep with me and then leave like nothing ever happened, I will chop off your most important tool down there.”

Javier frowned this time, slightly concerned that that was no joke.

“I am not joking,” you reassured him with a killer smile. “If this is just another fun game to you, best walk away now because I am not gonna waste my time - “

“No, ma’am. I am... absolutely hooked on you. Just you.”

Both smiled, toasting a glass of wine. You caught him giggling into the glass, not paying any more attention to you, and curiosity struck you.

“What are you laughing at?” you asked, smiling yourself.

“I was thinking of asking if you have plans for tomorrow night, but given how fucked up our schedule is... well.”

“Did you notice that whenever we make plans, something intervenes? Maybe some mystical force in the universe is trying its best to send us a message.”

“Which is?”

You inhaled, as if about to confess the most difficult thing in the world. You were a woman of rationality and truth, and so was Javier, so believing in a higher force wasn’t really on either one of your agendas.

But you couldn’t shake the feeling that something was standing in their way.

“That very first time when we agreed to go out together... Carillo died. And then... we basically moved at the office, with little to no time... lost some more people... and I - I know it’s stupid, I know you’ll probably have a copious laugh at my expense for saying this, but I just feel like if we make plans again... something will happen.”

Javier put the glass down and gazed at you, realizing how serious you were. He knew very well just how practical you were, and for you to genuinely believe that you were potentially doomed for making plans was something that, on a certain level, he sure understood.

He figured you were just as afraid as he was, even more so of saying it out loud.

“Then we don’t make any plans,” he told you, grabbing your hand. “We’ll be spontaneous and beat any odds.”

You chuckled, almost unable to believe him.

“I mean it,” he added. “I am done with being scared or played or fooled. I am taking back control over things.”

“Dominance issues. Interesting.”

Caught off guard, Javier could only giggle in amusement for a few seconds, then erase any trace of his flustered self.

“What I’m saying is... nobody and nothing can tell me shit about what I should or shouldn’t do. I get to decide. We get to decide. And I - I wanna be with you. For real. No games, no running, nothing. You and me. We got this.”

You smiled against your will, a sense of pride overwhelming you.

Pride at the sight of a determined and confident Javier finally expressing himself properly.

“We got this,” you repeated with a nod.

It was well after midnight when you began to feel sleepy. Javier had his head on your lap, telling you about the possible leads he had worked on, but more so, he told you that he was utterly terrified and angry and exhausted.

He told you that he wanted to spend every free minute he had with you, and with Steve and Connie.

He told you that he would lay his life down for either one of you three.

He told you that he never cared for anyone else the way he cares for you.

And you fell asleep contently, with a smile on your face, just like Javier did.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Javi finally get the chance at that first date, only this time, in true DEA fashion, duty calls right at the very end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not super thrilled with the way this turned out, but hopefully it’s still enjoyable lol. This is fluff (Javi gets romantic and flustered, lots of teasing between you two)

_“Wait for me outside when your shift is done. 9 p.m.”_

The note you found on your desk and signed only with the initial J had absolutely taken you by surprise.

You hadn’t seen Javier for most of the day, and yet it seemed as if he had stuck to your mutual agreement of being spontaneous. Curiosity itched you for hours: you were agitated, you couldn’t care less about any silly so-called tips that prostitutes might’ve called on the emergency line to claim they possess, and the nervousness you felt was more than enough to require three large cups of coffee.

Alas, 9 p.m. rolled up and you left the office under Steve’s investigative eyes.

There was not much movement outside. You looked around but no sign of Javier. Confused, you began to wonder if something had happened or, more preferably in this case, if he was late. You had no idea what to expect, and through you had worked for the higher authorities for years and you were trained to prepare for the unexpected and the worst, you hated that feeling when it came to your personal life.

But you had to remind yourself that you were now involved with Javier Peña. That man brought unexpected and worst in a beautifully wrapped up package.

The sound of tires on concrete snapped you back to reality and you noticed a black car diagonally parked out front. Cautious, you frowned and made no steps towards the car as you tried to identify it first.

Thankfully, Trugillo stepped outside and flashed you a smile, which eased any doubt you might’ve had.

“I was asked to be your driver for tonight, Y/N,” he told you.

Reckoning that was part of Javier’s entangled arrangement, you approached the car as Trugillo opened the passenger’s door for you and closed it behind, wasting no time before cruising throughout town.

“Mind telling me where we’re going?” you asked.

Trugillo only smiled, eyes on the road.

“Sorry, I was instructed to not disclose anything regarding this evening.”

“Huh. Tell me at least this isn’t a kidnapping because it kind of sounds and looks like one.”

“It’s not a kidnapping, I promise.”

Both chuckled and exchanged a few more words during the ride. It wasn’t long before Trugillo parked in front of El Cielo, the top restaurant in Medellin. Unable to contain your pleasant surprise, you stepped out of the car, utterly captivated. There were flowers everywhere, it seemed, as well as little lights to decorate the outside sitting area of the restaurant and music, all combined with the hot summer air, which made quite the landscape.

Trugillo guided you inside and wished you a wonderful evening. Still taking in the scenery, you asked for a potential reservation made under the name Javier Peña and was led to an intimate booth in the back. You noticed Javier standing up right as you walked to the booth, wearing a white shirt, black tie, topped off with his classic leather jacket. 

He looked at you with an admiration that exceeded anyone’s imagination.

When you got closer, a strong scent of cologne invaded your nostrils, tingling your senses. It was one of the many little things that made Javier such a popular attraction and one you were also guilty of falling for: he always smelled _incredible_.

“What’s with - what - “you began, trying to piece words together to form a coherent sentence.

“I’m sorry for the secrecy,” he said. “I thought if Trugillo drove you here, it might be a bit safer.”

You didn’t reply. _It happened_ , you thought. Javier Peña managed to leave you breathless, completely shook. It was a moment later that you detected the roses on the table, the wine and the candles and you took a deep breath, at a loss of words and touched at the same time.

“I thought you said you weren’t a romantic sap.”

“I didn’t say neither that I was or wasn’t.”

_Touché._

“Is this your first time doing this?”

Your slithery and teasing remark, paired with your smirk, caused Javier’s heart to skip a beat and to reply with a coy smile himself.

“You caught me. I haven’t done this in a very long time, so I’m kinda nervous.”

“Don’t worry, baby, I’ll guide you safely to the other side.”

“What is on the other side, more specifically?”

You only smirked in return.

“You’ll know when we get there,” you answered, checking the menu that was brought to you seconds prior.

You spent the rest of the dinner talking as you usually did, which was surprising to Javier; it was true that he hadn’t been on a date in many long years, and it was also true that he had forgotten the basic principles. He had forgotten the nervousness and how fast it goes away once you get sucked into a conversation with your partner and discover common ground, mutual interests and passions. 

In you and Javier’s case, you spent most time discussing work, debating other potential leads or informants, but then, as the conversation steered into a new direction, entering your personal life, Javier felt like an intruder.

You were willingly and openly sharing with him facts about your life and yet, he could’ve sworn he heard regret in your voice. And he knew what regret sounded like, all too well.

“That’s why you got in the DEA,” Javier muttered, completely invested in your story.

You nodded, staring into your plate, a bitter smile smeared across your face. The memories were still fresh, yet they felt so distant that they might’ve just as well happened to someone else.

“When your father becomes a drug dealer to support the family, you have three choices: play oblivious and go on with your life, involuntarily - or not - join him, or… do something about it. I chose the latter. When it was too late for him, unfortunately, but… I like to think that I can still chase the bad guys and make a difference.”

“You are good at chasing the bad guys.”

Sensing the flirtatious undertone, you lifted your head and cocked an eyebrow in his direction.

“I suppose you do fit into that category. Compared to others.”

“I am not, however… a bad guy. You know what I - “

“I know. You’re a very good man. And for a first date, you are doing surprisingly well.”

“Really?”

“Consider me impressed and charmed.”

Javier smiled at you, his chest warm and stomach filled with butterflies. He couldn’t recall ever feeling so deeply about someone, and it made him nervous but oh, so fucking happy.

Though there was a certain corner of his mind which got progressively darker with its thoughts, the fear of being too close to you and tragically losing you raging inside his mind.

He fought it harder than ever to lock it down. And it sure as hell wasn’t an easy task.

“What happens now, Peña?” you asked him as he snatched the check on the table.

“I think a walk was mentioned sometime, wasn’t it?”

“Oh, that’s right! The infamous walk under the moon-lit sky and its stars.”

Your radiant smile faded condemningly fast, gesture which triggered Javier. Your eyes were scanning one of the tables up front, transmitting an energy that Javier did not particularly like.

“What’s wrong?” he asked you immediately.

You leaned over the table and gently grasped his arm, smiling again.

“Three tables in front of us,” you whispered whilst focusing only on his eyes. “Don’t overreact. Don’t stare. It’s Pacho.”

Javier understood the move and stared right back at you, as lovingly as possible, then changed his seat to be right next to you, thus having a better view.

Indeed, three tables over, it was Hélmer Herrera, also known as Pacho, one of the four leaders of the Cali cartel.

If they could somehow manage to get him, they would be well on their way to catch the entirety of the group.

Javier placed the money on the check and put one arm around you, determined to not raise any suspicion, though thankfully, Pacho hadn’t noticed them.

“How do we play this?” he whispered. “We’ve got to make a move, he’s right there.”

“He knows you too well by now. Let me do this.”

When you tried to stand up, Javier pulled you down by the wrist.

“Do what? What do you wanna do?”

“Javi… we have one of the Cali leaders right here in the same restaurant, peacefully eating dinner. You’re right, we have to do something. So I’m gonna go over there and – “

“And what?”

His eyes shot you a worried and frustrated look, but his gut told him what he already suspected.

He just knew how you were going to play your card.

“I’m gonna go over there and be a little _too_ flirtatious,” you said.

Javier’s stomach disappeared entirely.

“Y/N – “

“I know what I’m doing. It worked on you, didn’t it?”

He frowned, not bothering to reply to you. Every fiber of his being fought against the instinct of shooting Pacho right then and there and driving you home. He couldn’t argue that your methods did not work – seeing as to how you had him wrapped around you finger in the most delicious way possible – but that corner of his mind which contained all dark scenarios about your relationship suddenly got enlarged.

“Trust me,” you told him, cupping his face and kissing him briefly on the cheek. “Let me do this.”

Javier only nodded, throat too dried up to provide a verbal response. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust you or that he was afraid you couldn’t protect yourself, not at all. But those men were vicious and cruel and did not care about anything but their own pleasure and business.

It felt like an eternity had passed before you returned to the table. Javier remained in the booth, hands sweaty and frantic, mind impeached with the possible outcomes of that situation, and body malfunctioning at the mere idea of something happening.

 _She was right,_ he thought, a painful knot in his stomach. _Whenever we plan for us, something happens._

_But if she lands this motherfucker, I’ll love this woman with every single fucking thing that I’ve got until I die. I’ll make sure she gets treated like a queen._

Surprised by his own thought, he gasped when you returned, watching you smile and wave in Pacho’s direction as he exited the restaurant. The panic mode made its comeback, and Javier rose.

“What happened? Where the hell’s he going?”

You put your hands on his chest and moved closer to him. Javier gulped, not expecting that kind of contact.

“Everything’s fine. I told you I know what I’m doing.”

“What did you do?”

You hesitated, which meant that Javier was not going to like what he was about to hear. He braced himself for the worst.

“Y/N.”

“Relax. Breathe, will you?”

He did as he was told, but gravely so.

“Okay. I am as relaxed and as calm as a man on a hunt can be. Will you tell me what happened?”

“After a little chat and some laughter and some flirty remarks… we were invited to a beneficiary ball this Saturday,” you told him with a smile. “So go get yourself a nice suit.”

“A – A beneficiary ball? Cali is hosting a beneficiary ball? Really?”

“Mhm.”

“And what ‘we’? Who is ‘we’?”

“You and me. Obviously. We were both invited. As… husband and wife.”

Javier’s jaw dropped and his body numbed. He said nothing as you wrapped your arm around his, headed for the promised moonlight walk.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Javier attend the beneficiary ball that the Cali cartel throws, and things take a wild turn when Pacho gets involved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kinda angst, some fluff sprinkled in there (lots of suspense, tension and a whole lot of jealous and protective Javi)

_“You failed to mention you have such a wonderful and gorgeous wife, Peña.”_

Berna’s words still reverberated through him two hours later, well into the so-called beneficiary ball. Javier still struggled to process the scheme that you cooked up, like the words you hurriedly and ever so casually informed him with brought him restlessness and peace simultaneously.

You and Javier knew very well that the ball was nothing but a ruse meant to cover up what was really going on. Mostly drug related business, but there was a massive rumor going among the guests that Cali had went as far as to organize an auction as well, which was supposedly to appear like an innocent move to gather funds for Medellin, but you figured that the reality of it was much different.

Javier walked around, his body pulsing with anxiety, with you on his arm, not letting you go even for a minute. When you had to use the restroom, Javier had escorted you and waited outside, just in case. His tuxedo felt restraining, nearly asphyxiating him. He knew that the situation they were in that night was most likely the factor at fault.

But your appearance was also not something which spared him of nervousness.

You wore a long, flowy red dress, which gave you the distinguished aura of a true queen. You kept your dark hair in wavy cascades over your exposed shoulders, and the diamond earrings and necklace you wore found their perfect match with the diamond ring that Javier had gotten for you in order to make your act as a married couple more believable.

Though you had to admit, in the highest secrecy and strictly to yourself, that you had grown fond of the shiny rock around your finger. You stole glances at it every once in a while when Javier looked away.

He had played his part perfectly as well. He bought another ring for himself, feeling a little unusual with it on his finger, but nonetheless, it had grown on him after a while. Besides, he had noticed Pacho circling around the two of you like a vulture, eyeing you in the least smooth way.

“What is it?” you asked, seemingly reading his thoughts.

You could tell he was worried and in high alert, but you feared there was something else to it.

“Pacho’s been staring at you like a lion stalking an antelope ever since we got here. The only thing missing is for him to drool.”

“Easy, tiger.”

“I know you know your stuff and you clearly got him smitten, but come on – “ 

“Save the jealous husband act for when one of the Cali guys can actually hear or see us.”

Javier involuntarily tightened his grip around your waist. Surprised, you held your breath and carefully studied his face, contorted as if in pain.

“You – you really are jealous, aren’t you?” 

He didn’t respond, and you were not sure if you should feel flattered or alarmed, or even both.

Javier just noticed Pacho and Berna approaching you both and, out of some unknown instinct he failed to acknowledge as part of him, smiled and placed a light kiss on your cheek.

“I have nothing to jealous about. Especially not when it comes to those motherfuckers,” he muttered against your nose. “Act naturally and happily married now, my love.”

“Peña! Or is it the Peñas now?”

Berna’s guttural voice reached you and Javier immediately and you smiled politely as the men shook hands. Pacho said nothing, but approached you instead, held up your hand and kissed it, all the while staring deeply into your eyes.

“I really hope to see you enter the auction tonight, Ms.... is it Peña now?”

Javier could’ve easily and swiftly growled seeing your hand still in Pacho’s, more so seeing how gentle and charming the bastard was with you.

“I kept my name,” you replied flatly, though still amiable.

“Ah. Of course. A powerful woman who knows her worth. You got quite the jewel here, Peña.”

“I know. I’m very lucky.”

“What is this auction, exactly?” you asked.

“We sell dates for our beneficiaries with the most beautiful women present tonight, in exchange for the highest bid. The money is meant to go to the city, of course, and to its reconstruction. Escobar really made a huge mess with his little explosive toys.”

“Of course.”

Suddenly, your face went blank and lost its natural flush, as Javier briefly noticed, and he soon understood that something must’ve been very wrong. He too knew that Cali was not about to graciously donate thousands of dollars to the people of Medellin out of the goodness of their hearts, so the real act behind it was surely something much, much worse.

“I’ll be there, no worries.” you told Pacho, who smiled widely, kissing your hand again.

“It would be a shame to miss such an opportunity, Ms. Y/L/N. I will bid as well. And I’ll make sure that I win.”

He smiled at Javier as he said the last line, who clenched his fists in an attempt to remain calm and unresponsive to the teasing. 

Berna stayed, chuckling nervously and tugging at his bow tie.

“He’s got quite the crush on you,” he told you both. “I’d keep her close if I were you, Peña.”

“I wasn’t planning on doing anything but that,” Javier replied bitterly.

“Good, because things aren’t really... what they seem to the public.”

“What do you mean?” you interfered.

Berna took a quick scan around him before leaning in closer to you.

“Whomever wins each woman, they get to do whatever they want with them. But trust me at least on this one, Peña, neither man who is bidding tonight is planning on taking the women out for a fancy meal.”

He looked at them gravely before walking away, setting a very dark tone for the remainder of the evening. Now pale and frozen, you hung on tighter to Javier’s arm, who then placed his free hand on top of yours.

“Those women are probably gonna get raped and then killed,” you said breathlessly.

You were obviously scared, and so was Javier. He growled, unable to speak or think properly. The mere thought was killing him, making his blood boil.

The image of Pacho winning the auction for you and forcing himself onto you, touching you – 

“I could do worse than Pacho,” you added, staring blankly in front of you, trying to compose yourself. “From what I know about him... yes, he is a scumbag and a criminal, sure, but he... doesn’t seem so bad. If you compare – “

“If you’re thinking of _voluntarily_ going with him – “ 

“I am trying to find a bright side to this, Peña.”

“There is no bright side.”

You stood in front of him, face practically stuck to his and your eyes revealed a strength and determination albeit your impending fear that was above Javier’s level of understanding.

“I want you to listen to me very carefully right now, Javi. _Please_ ,” you whispered to him, your hands on his chest. “We have to stick to the plan.”

Javier’s eyes widened, barely surviving the anger and panic that had erupted within him like a volcano.

“What plan?!” he whispered back. “We had no fucking idea about this auction and now Pacho expects to fucking win you like a toy?? Fuck no! I’ll shoot this son of a bitch right in his dumb fucking face. I don’t care who’s watching.”

“Javi, _look_ at me. Listen to me. _Listen!_ We cannot fuck up this auction. We cannot intervene. The ones involved with Cali are the ones who will bid. This means that you cannot do any move against them or they will be onto us. We’ll blow our cover, our story will be gone, and everything will be down the drain! It will be impossible for us to catch them if we blow this.”

Javier’s breathing was coming out ragged, so he remained quiet.

“We have to let Pacho have the highest bid for me. That way, when he escorts me off the stage, I get to be alone with him and interrogate him. I can do this.”

“I know you can. It was never a question of possibility, but of _desire_ , Y/N.”

You noticed how livid he was: he spoke through clenched teeth, his face was red and his eyes were shooting at you, pleading for you to stay.

“Listen to me. We _have_ to let him win.”

“No.”

“Javi, please. We have to.”

“No, I – I can’t.”

“We will not get a chance like this ever again. We got this, remember? You and me?”

You cupped his cheeks this time, kissing him softly and longingly. Unable to resist you anymore, Javier placed his hands on your waist, pulling you in for a deeper, more intimate kiss. He scrunched his nose, moaning into the kiss, only this time, the sound was purely one of pain.

“Ms. Y/L/N? If you will follow me.”

Berna’s voice was calm. He extended a hand to you and you gracefully accepted being led to the stage, in line with other fifteen women. Javier followed Berna as well, right next to the stage and fought the most difficult battle of his life, watching you climb up there in the midst of the audiences applause and some ecstatic whistles. His eyes locked with yours and, much to his desperation and pain, he could only wait for your turn.

»»————- ♡ ————-««

The line of women seemed never ending to Javier. In the sea of colorful dresses, you truly stood out with your red one, appearing like the brightest and hottest flame. 

He clenched his jaw when you finally moved forward with thunderous applause.

“Ms. Y/N Y/L/N, ladies and gentlemen! Now, _gentlemen_.Who would like to do the first bid? Do we have a starting offer of, say, a thousand?”

“One thousand!”

“Fifteen hundred!”

“Two thousand!”

 _Fuck!_ Javier shouted mentally.

_Of course they fight for her. Jesus fucking Christ, she’s fucking breathtaking._

“Three thousand,” the firm yet confident voice of Pacho was heard somewhere in Javier’s vicinity.

_I’m gonna skin you alive, you motherfucker._

“Four thousand!”

_Fuck, I’m going to hell._

“Six thousand.”

Several men turned towards Javier, including Pacho. He locked eyes with him and the devilish look in his eyes informed Pacho that he was nowhere near giving up.

Unsurprisingly though, Pacho flashed him a smile and offered seven thousand dollars.

“Eight thousand,” Javier shouted.

On stage, you stared at the two bickering men in sheer astonishment. You wanted to curse at Javier and tell him to stop, but truthfully you were too shocked to even protest.

“Eighty five hundred. Final offer,” Pacho said assertively.

But he had severely underestimated Javier and his limits.

“Ten thousand dollars, final offer, and the date starts _now_.”

There were several gasps in the crowd, and a displeased, but also somewhat impressed Pacho conceded. Once the man on the stage shouted “Sold for ten thousand” and pointed to Javier to come on the stage to aide you down, his heart stopped. He was able to discern the fact that he had acted reckless and impulsively, but he couldn’t stand idly by and do nothing. His blood was still boiling when he intertwined his fingers with yours. 

You said no words as you climbed down the stairs and blended back into the crowd alongside Javier.

When music resumed at its prior loud volume and Javier instinctively grabbed you for a dance, that’s when both finally allowed yourselves to feel everything that had happened.

“I told you to let him win,” you muttered next to his earlobe. “The plan was to get Pacho, no matter what.”

He sensed your anger, your tremor and insecurity, along with your warm breath against his neck.

“Turns out you were the limitation of this plan.”

“Javier – “

“I am not going to apologize.”

“We will not get a chance like this again.”

Javier spun you around, bringing you back to his chest and staring down at you this time, relief easily legible on his face.

“What was more believable to them, Y/N? That I would let some drug lord fuck my pretend wife against her will after winning her at a fake auction, or that I would actually do something about it because I give a shit about her? Hmm?”

“I could’ve gotten him to talk to me, and you know that.”

“He’s still smitten with you. I doubt you’ll have any problem here.”

You didn’t respond, so Javier took the initiative.

“Are you actually pissed off that I bid for you?”

“No! No, that’s not – “ 

Your voice broke, and it was then that Javier felt how you were shaking still.

Although you rarely allowed yourself a moment of weakness, you had clearly been shaken by the situation and had also assumed the worst was about to happen, regardless of your marvelous agent skills.

“Do you even have ten thousand dollars to give to them?”

Javier huffed with displeasure, a feeling of extreme cockiness reappearing.

“I think they care more about keeping their business thriving and under the radar than coming to a DEA agent to demand money.”

You smiled a little, finally beginning to relax in his arms.

“Thank you,” you muttered.

“I know what you told me to do, Y/N. I understood. But I couldn’t sit there and watch that sleazy motherfucker win you like that. I just couldn’t. Call me selfish and arrogant and whatever else you want, I don’t give a shit. What I do give a shit about is my girlfriend and her safety.”

You stared at him in a way that he hadn’t had the chance to see before and it puzzled him immensely. He frowned, trying to uncover what you were thinking, but to no avail.

“What?” he asked whilst holding your hands at his chest.

He discovered that that particular gesture brought him a whole lot more comfort and peace than he would’ve ever believed.

“You said the G word.”

Javier replayed the moment and realized it, too.

“I thought it was a big, scary word for you,” you teased, which made him feel much better, strangely.

“Once. Right now it’s... the most amazing word I can think of.”

Javier stopped dancing, incapable of taking his eyes off of you. He felt hypnotized and completely drawn in, like the sweetest trance and the most wonderful spell to be cast.

The only breaker of the spell, however, was none other than Pacho. Javier did everything in his willpower to remain friendly.

“You won big tonight, Peña. Fair and square,” he told him, shaking his hand,.

“What can I say? I just can’t stand seeing her with someone else.”

“Understandable. Say, would it be too bold of me to ask Y/N for lunch tomorrow? Business lunch, I promise! I understand you have a vast knowledge in investments and I could really use an expert’s opinion for what I have in mind.”

“I’d be happy to discuss investments.”

Javier looked at you, stunned, but you squeezed his arm to calm him and you smiled brightly at Pacho.

“Shall we meet downtown, one p.m.?” he proposed.

“Perfect.”

“Until then, Y/N. Peña.”

“Here’s that shot at interrogation that you wanted,” Javier said once Pacho was out of sight. “You owe me an apology.”

“For what, pray tell?”

“Overreacting.”

Entertained, you smiled and hugged him tightly, a sense of relief warming your body again. Soon enough, though, there seemed to be not enough of him in your life, not enough time to be spent with him.

When you finally let him go, you kissed him again, deeply and fiercely, strangely invested into the idea that Javier Peña had made it clear to everyone present that night that you belonged to him and none other.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get very heated between you and Javi after one of the longest nights you both had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is PURE SMUT, kinda filthy. Lots of teasing, top Javi, creampie, double orgasm, cunningulus, cockwarming, unprotected sex

Somewhat anxious still, Javier kept looking straight ahead in the back of the cab, caressing your hand all the while. Your fingers were cold, and he reckoned that you were still shaken by the auction. He was as well. But he wanted, more so than before, to uphold a powerful and strong stance, one which would indirectly let you know that he was there for you.

He caught a glimpse of your fake wedding rings, nearly touching, and he unexpectedly sighed, deep in thought.

He hadn’t thought about the prospect of marriage for _years_. Not to say that it was on his mind right now, but the truth was that he found the idea appealing. If it was someone whom he’d want by his side for the remainder of his days, his ride or die, it would one hundred percent be you. 

You were the only one who could match him on the field, challenge him in all the ways he hated to do by himself and return his words, which had become a guilty pleasure of his.

He also could not deny the fact that you looked absolutely ravishing with that diamond ring on your finger and he thought that maybe you could be his someday. Completely and irrevocably his.

“I don’t know which part of tonight was more weird and terrible,” you said suddenly. “Actually managing to seduce Pacho or nearly being sold to him like a piece of meat.”

“Both. Both were equally weird and disgusting.”

You rubbed your palm against his hand and stared at him with a lively smile.

“Are you still jealous?”

Javier puffed, not facing you.

“Is this something that I have to get used to every time I interact with a man?”

He rolled his eyes this time, turning towards you with a smirk.

“I only have to worry when it comes to narcos, not idiots like, say... Murphy.”

“So… you wouldn’t be jealous if you saw me… going out with Murphy?”

“Why would you go out with – “

“Hypothetically! Jesus Christ, you _are_ insanely jealous. You gotta fix that attitude before it really becomes a problem.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

He leaned in to kiss you, and all of a sudden, the taste of your lips and your warmth wrapped him tightly in a haze, and it felt like the rest did not matter in the slightest.

Javier paid the cab driver and opened the door for you, leading you to your apartment building. He stopped at the entrance door, gulping and exchanging an insecure look with you.

He was not the type of man to get shy or afraid of any physical encounter, especially not with women. He was confident and dead sure with his seduction and pleasing skills, and yet now, standing in front of you, bewildered, he felt unsure.

“Here,” you said, taking off the ring. “I won’t need this tomorrow. This agent does not wear precious jewelry in the drug paradise. Even if it is one beautiful fake wedding ring.”

“It’s real.”

“What?”

“It’s a real wedding ring with a real diamond. It’s not fake.”

You examined the piece of jewelry attentively and gasped, eyes wide at Javier. You hadn’t thought _at all_ that Javier put so much intricate thought into your scheme, nor that he would allocate so many resources – emotional, physical and material – to it.

“Javier – I – “

“You should keep it. In case you might need it soon. For the plan.”

“The... plan. Yeah.”

You replied with a smile, almost immediately kissing him gently. You had only just began to get used to those kisses, both sweet and passionate, and right then and there, you began to want _more_.

You cleared your throat and opened the door to your apartment, signaling a hesitant Javier to come in.

“The usual?” you asked.

“Yes.”

He beamed at the thought that in the time span of a few months, you and him had managed to create little inside habits that only the two of you knew, ones that made both relax around each other and ones which created an intimacy that neither imagined.

He sat down in the kitchen, removing his blazer and rolling up the sleeves of his shirt, clicking the wine glass he was offered with yours as you joined him. No words were spoken for a while, but the silence was simply so comfortable and soothing that they felt no need to fill it.

Javier looked at you, admired each and every feature he could see. 

Many were the times when he had tried to understand what was it about you that made him fall head over heels for you and how could you have captured his heart so abruptly and relentlessly. And it took him a long time to understand that it was _everything_ about you: the way you removed the hair from your face, the way you walked, your sarcasm and witty comments, your occasional arrogance and your work ethic, even the way your heart broke a little whenever you saw a dead child. You were a beauty, to be sure, but it was so much more than eye candy.

It was, perhaps, for the first time in Javier’s life that he understood what it felt like to be truly in love.

He had loved before, or so he had thought, but he had never been _in_ love.

Alas, he could finally understand it.

And the look he had whilst watching you take the glass to your lips and sip delicately… that look was one of lust, sheer desire and, ultimately, _love_.

“It was one long ass day,” you said.

“Another day on the job.”

“Hm.”

You played with your own fingers; meanwhile, your heart, lungs and mind were all racing at insanely high rates. As you sat there in that comfortable, peaceful stillness, you felt a sensation that built within you in minutes, washing your entire body in a pool of heat.

“It’s nearly three in the morning,” Javier said out of the blue.

“Really?”

You huffed, having lost track of time and being too absorbed by what you were feeling.

You recalled the night that Javier had invited you to his apartment to share a drink and a friendly conversation, more so because you had been, truthfully, prepared to shoot him down. You had been prepared to say no to him, to cast him aside and to mind your own business, thinking you did not need that kind of trouble and suspense to your already hectic life.

And now, many weeks later, things had changed so drastically that they practically were unfathomable. What on earth had that man done to you that had such a powerful effect on you? 

Not to say that you hadn’t found him ridiculously attractive before this whole ordeal, but that was the extent of it. A simple observation, an innocent look which you knew for a fact would lead nowhere.

But this was no longer a simple or innocent look. It was no longer a woman simply acknowledging the presence of an attractive man or vice versa.

It was a look of lust, sheer desire and, ultimately, _love_.

“You should… get some rest,” Javier told you, emptying the wine glass. “You have that lunch tomorrow – _today_ – with – “

You smiled, having Javier close to losing his mind.

“I’d much rather stay up with you than go to that lunch well rested,” you said, giggling at how silly you sounded. “Besides, it kind of feels like a late night date. It’s no five star restaurant, but… still.”

“I don’t need a restaurant for a successful date. All I need is five to ten minutes alone with you.”

You held your breath, sucking your cheeks in, a habit which Javier couldn’t help but find endearing and tempting at the same time.

“Aren’t you so presumptuous?”

“I flatter myself to think that I know how to treat a woman.”

“In bed. Anything else outside the sheets remains to be seen.”

Javier agreed in his mind, remembering the fact that he was, more or less, new to the dating game and that he was trying his hardest to fight whatever demons he had in order to be there for you, the real way.

“Although I will say that on our first date, you really went all in. And tonight, you… you saved me tonight, Javi.”

He went silent, his nerves on the edge again.

“I wouldn’t call it… _saving_ …”

“You saved from potential death and rape. You came through.”

“I got your back. I always will.”

“Don’t make promises that you can’t keep.”

“I will.”

He played with your fingers this time, rubbing each one tenderly, swearing he could feel how tense and downright eager you felt. And he understood it, for you felt the exact same way. The contact was so unassuming, so tiny, but the impact it created was ravishing for them both.

“You don’t know what’s going to happen in the future,” you continued, gulping.

“I know that I wanna be with you. I finally know that.”

_“Finally!”_

Javier laughed, and so did you.

“So you’ve said,” you nodded, finishing your glass of wine. “So, uh… five to ten minutes you say?”

Javier raised his eyebrows, a smirk now formed from the corners of his lips.

“Those are just the beginning,” he said while moving closer to your face.

“Mhm. And what happens after that?”

“Do you wanna find out?”

“I think I do, yes. Get an insight on what the fuss is about that Javier Peña.”

In no time, Javier pressed his lips against yours, smiling into it. It was no slow motion, but a profound and ardent one, filled with tenderness and a wild craving.

You unconsciously arched your back under Javier’s touch, and it drove him past edges of sanity to feel how you responded. He felt oddly and equally flattered and empowered by your reactions to his touches, going as far as to think that you wanted him more than anything and anyone else.

That’s how it was for him.

Daring and a tad breathless, he moved his hand up your back, fingertips barely touching the fabric covering your body, and you arched your back even more, exposing your neck and moaning lightly into the kiss. Javier grunted as well, feeling tempted and turned on like never before. Both were running low on air, but the act in itself was so delicious that you found it difficult to stop.

Javier stopped and lifted you up, your legs wrapping around his waist as he carried you, a hand cradling your lower half, and his other holding your thigh. In a matter of seconds, you were on the bed, a large smile appearing just as Javier laid on top of you. His eyes seemed to be asking for some sort of confirmation and consent and you simply nodded, vaguely trembling as he pulled down the straps of your dress down your shoulders and over your curves until the fabric was on the floor. Javier admired your smooth, bronze skin, biting his lower lip as he took the time to take you in.

“What happens now?” you muttered, breathless, feeling more than naked.

“I’m gonna kiss you again, and again… and again… until I can’t breathe. I’m gonna taste your skin, every beautiful inch of it, bury myself in you and make you say my name in ways you’ve never even thought of.”

Gulping, you stared back at him, feeling yourself getting wetter by the second. Of course he would know just what to say and do to drive a woman insane, and you seemed to be making no exception. He kissed you again, as promised, and you wrapped your legs around him once more, leaving Javier enough room for him to grind himself onto you once in a while. You could feel that he was already hard, and that very feeling made you rush the kiss, making it sloppier.

You couldn’t help but moan again, feeling as if you were burning alive as Javier’s lips traveled down your neck, kissing and barely biting at the surface, his warm breath sending shivers down your spine. One of your hands was running through his hair, working as an act of encouragement for him.

“Javi – _Javier_ – “

“You sound so damn good when you say my name like that.”

You smiled, head backward in pure bliss. Javier’s lips went continuously down your body, kissing and taking your breasts into his mouth and thus earning a much louder moan from you. You arched your back again which only made his job easier and the treatment he applied on your body feel _sinfully_ good; his mouth kissed his way down to your stomach and then, finally, one hand spread your legs and planted kisses along the inside of your thighs.

“I could listen to you moan like that all day, every single day,” he groaned, looking up at you.

You were burning up, blush rising on your face and turning you the color of your former dress. He went in a frenzy, seeing how his words and actions made you react.

“Javi – “you whined, your body a nervous and aroused wreck, insanely sensitive and receptive to him.

“The way you say my name… _fuck_ ,” he groaned, a hand trailing up your leg and squeezing your thigh.

You moaned and spread your legs wider, your other hand entangled in his hair as well, wanting and needing more of whatever Javier had planned to give to you.

“Javier – please – “you moaned, barely controlling the urge to dig your nails into his skin at how insane he managed to drive you with the softest touches.

Javier was still working on your thighs, kissing and caressing each one.

“Please what?” he asked playfully from in between your legs.

“Me. Now. _Please_.”

He smirked, feeling cocky like his true self again. You bit your lower lip, watching the hungry way he stared at you, licking his lips. You had never had anyone look at you like that, much less the man who made you feel so many incredibly and overwhelming things all at once.

He kissed your core before beginning to lick your folds teasingly. You didn’t even attempt to hold back your moans. When it came to Javier’s mouth, you found that you were a moaning mess. 

His tongue was working its magic while he sucked on your clit and, soon enough, he added a finger inside and began to thrust it in and out of you, carefully listening and watching you. He curled the finger ever so slightly, hitting you right in the spot that you needed it the most.

“Oh f-fuck! Fuck, right there – _yes_ – “

Just as you moaned, Javier removed his finger and solely used his mouth. His tongue was doing the most devilish dance known to mankind and you felt a hint of your orgasm arrive, so you began to moan louder and move your hips against his tongue along the rhythm he had established. He caged your thighs with his large hands, holding you as still as possible, though he felt how impatient you were getting and how close you were.

You shivered and gasped, your back arching against his tongue motions and he smirked with pride. He loved watching you in that posture, with your breasts outward. That meant he was hitting it fucking _good_.

“I want you completely undone for me,” he muttered against your soaked lips.

You jolted after hearing said words, and you were unsure if you even heard him correctly. A string of curses left your own tongue as you felt Javier practically smearing his face with your juices. He ate you out like he had been starving for days, edging you past the point of sanity and onto your highly anticipated release.

Javier moved his hands upwards to play with your breasts, teasingly rubbing your nipples while you moved against his tongue.

“Come on, my love, you got this – “his husky voice vibrated through your soaked core.

“God – oh m – “

“You got this, baby, come on – “

Any coherent sentence had long abandoned you, and all you could do was mutter his name followed by some filthy words, but the juxtaposition of those was perfectly in motion with Javier’s sinful work.

Alas, you came so hard from the stimulation that your body felt the need to jerk from its position away from him. But Javier was having none of it when he followed you, still licking your throbbing clit. You grabbed a fistful of his hair, riding your orgasm off against his face while he sucked you dry, as hard as he could. Your breath slowly returned, and Javier’s mouth left you. You caught a glimpse of him tastefully and mischievously licking his lips, and your body flushed with a mixture of emotions.

Javier then removed his shirt, exposing his toned bronze skin, then he worked against his belt and pants, pulling them down along with his boxers. Your eyes went wide and you looked away for a few moments, trying to conceal your surprised and reddened face.

You would’ve been lying if you would’ve claimed that you haven’t pictured what he looked like before, but what you were now met with had exceeded any expectation you might have had. He was generously gifted, thick and long enough, his cock throbbing as he wrapped his hand around it, giving himself a few strokes, eye contact intense still with you. He noticed your face, smiling at your amazed and flustered look, and he crawled back onto the bed with a proud smirk, standing on top of you again.

He kissed you roughly this time, and you were able to taste yourself on his lips. His own eagerness was increasing; he grabbed your thigh, lifting it around his waist. His grip was firm and tight, yet caring still and the kiss was a token of his affection for you.

He looked at you again, focusing his eyes for a split second on his hand as it wrapped around his hard-on, dragging the tip through your soaked lips. You gasped softly, Javier moaning as well, feeling how wet you were, the tip tapping against your clit and your body jerking slightly at the contact.

Javier rubbed against you a few more times, coating his cock in your juices and you cupped his face, pulling him in for another kiss, sloppy and fast. You moved to his neck, pressing kisses as he slowly pushed inside of you. You gasped out loud as he stretched you open, slight pain bearing through and your thighs trembling when he pushed in. You held your breath, fingers digging into his broad shoulders.

“Fuck,” he grunted breathlessly.

When he fully thrust into you, his hips collided with your thighs and his cock was fully within you. You let out a shaky, unsteady breath, feeling stretched in the most delicious way possible. He groaned, hips bucking as you clenched around him, that first thrust sending you into a state of pure bliss already

“If you keep doing that, I’m not gonna last,” he chuckled, his forehead to your shoulder.

You felt flattered for some reason.

“And I’m not here to embarrass myself. I got a reputation to maintain.”

“My apologies,” you muttered mockingly, caressing his back.

He stayed inside of you, not moving, wanting you to adjust to him first.

“You just… you feel so damn good,” you whispered into his ear, kissing his earlobe ever so softly.

Javier groaned, your sweet words making him shiver all the way down, his cock twitching in you.

“Will you sit still?” he asked.

“I can’t make any promises.”

“If you do that again, I’m gonna start all over and you’ll never hear the end of it.”

“You fucking tease.”

Javier smirked and pulled out slowly, your toes curling as you gasped, his cock dragging against your walls when he pushed himself back in. You dug your nails into his shoulder as he thrust in and out twice more, tantalizingly slow, and Javier groaned at his own movement, seeing the enticing way your mouth formed an O with each gasp and each moan.

“Jesus – fucking – ohhh – “you whined, hands roaming aimlessly on his back, crying out as he started to move faster, hitting your spot deeper.

“Y/N – fuck – “

His hand grabbed your hip with a dominant grip as he thrust faster.

The sound of skin slapping against skin, your cries in the air and his own grunts sent him into ecstasy. You dug your nails deeper into his skin, Javier barely feeling it, but rather more focused on the way his hips collided with yours and how pleasure filled both your bodies. He kissed you messily, your tongues sliding against each other and absorbing every ounce of each other, moans hastily escaping your lips in response to each other’s body.

“You feel – so good – wrapped around me, my love,” he grunted, giving you a particularly hard and deep thrust, which was welcomed with a high-pitched moan from you.

Your walls contracted around him, mouth agape at the pleasure.

“Do it again,” you begged, needing that roughness again.

Javier arched a brow at you, pulling back and staring at you in disbelief, though he had to admit, he was pleasantly surprised. You smirked up at him, pecking his lips.

“Harder, Javi,” you commanded, earning a growl from him.

And Javier delivered.

He held himself up and increased the speed of his thrusts, the tip of his cock hitting your g-spot every single time.

“Yes – yes – G-God – J-Javi – “you cried, head backward in a trance.

The bed rocked with each thrust he gave you, the air now filled with nothing but your moans and grunts and the all-too-familiar scent of sex.

“F-Fuck – J-Javi – _fuckkkk_ – fuck!” you gasped endlessly, feeling the bed practically cry beneath you.

Javier grunted, lowering his head to kiss you. He smiled into the kiss, giving you another particularly hard thrust, turning you into a puddle under him, your body weak as he fucked you. You felt like crying and seeing stars at the intense feeling of Javier inside of you, reaching beyond your wildest dreams.

He grunted when he felt you tightening around him as you came. Your body jerked under him, nails digging into his back to the point of scar-inducing, and Javier hid his head into your collarbone, biting down where he could see flesh, crying as you came around him and subsequently triggering his own climax.

“Jesus… fucking… Christ, Y/N…” he moaned in desperation.

“Just cum already, Javi,” you whispered, clenching around him again, this time purposefully.

And it worked: he moaned your name like a forbidden prayer with a few more thrusts and he melted. His cock pulsed inside of you, ropes of cum filling up at your entrance as he emptied himself in you. You moved your hips to meet his just as he slowed his movements.

Both fought your breaths to calm down from the mind-blowing orgasm. Javier stilled on top of you, barely moving at this point, unable to leave your body. He shot you a look full of admiration, peppered with a little something that he was still a bit afraid to fully admit to himself and to you, respectively.

“What?” you mumbled.

He smiled, kissing your forehead, your nose and then your mouth. You gasped when he slowly pulled out of you at last, a moan also escaping Javier’s lips. You blushed, feeling his and your cum drip from you, coating your swollen lips.

“Wait for me,” he said, pushing himself off of the bed, legs shaky.

You stayed there, body numb. Javier found the bathroom and took the nearest towel he could find and knelled before you and cleaned you up. He planted another kiss on your forehead and lips as he pulled you close, lying next to you and covered with the blanket that you threw on them.

“You sure sell your work well,” you told him teasingly.

“What are you talking about?”

“’At least one orgasm’, to quote you.”

Javier chuckled, recalling the conversation.

“This wasn’t like the other times.”

“I bet you say that to all the other women.”

“I really don’t.”

You laughed, head resting on his chest. The crack of dawn was visible through the window, a shy ray of sun beaming through, but neither minded. Slowly and surely, you drifted into a peaceful sleep, the first one in a very long time for both of you.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after your first night together, you decide to wake Javi up in a more unorthodox way which proves to be very effective.  
> However, duty calls for you and this time, it hits a little too close to home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smut in the beginning (blowjob involved), followed by angst.

It was well into the day when you woke up. The sun was peaking brightly through the curtains and you scrunched your face, rubbing your eyes before fully waking up, nearly flinching when you turned to the side and saw Javier sleeping peacefully.

Somehow, the image of Javier Peña being in bed next to you was something of a distant dream. He seemed truly at his most peaceful and beautifully normal: messy hair, mouth slightly ajar and body covered with only that blanket. The memory of last night creeped up on you, making you rise from the bed with a coy smile.

One tiny part of you was perfectly aware of the fact that you had been unconsciously added to the long list of women who had traveled to bed with him, but you have already been through enough to know that what you now shared was completely different than anything him or you had.

You heard Javier grunt in a terribly coarse voice, fussing over to the other side, and you felt an impending need to kiss his cheek softly. You then moved to his lips and neck, pressing tenderer kisses along his long neck, hearing a vague moan from him.

Feeling more devilish and playful, you continued her trail of kisses further down on his chest and abdomen, Javier’s huffs increasing. When you teased his happy trail, little pecks across the sensitive area, Javier moaned out loud, no longer in between dream and reality, but completely awake and aware of what was happening.

“Y - Y/N – “he grunted.

You teased the tip of his cock, then moving up and down his length, and Javier’s fingers hectically caught your hair and pulled it hard, making you smirk. You stopped, raising your head innocently at him.

“Good morning, sunshine.”

“It… sure is.”

Javier smiled, both attractively and adorably sleepy still, and you continued your torture.

You wrapped a hand around his cock, now fully erect, and teased his tip again with your thumb. Javier’s body convulsed under your touch and he tried to sit in one place, but it was impossible. As soon as your mouth was around him, making circling motions with your tongue, his whole body burned and he turned into a puddle. He wasn’t accustomed to morning sex, and he hadn’t thought he would ever be that sensitive when barely awake, but, in a matter of a minute, he came hard, ropes of cum dripping down your jaw and chest.

He struggled to catch his breath, completely blinded by the unexpected wave of pleasure, and caught a prevue of you as you licked the corner of your lips and smirking at him. He huffed, taken aback, and stood up, looking for a towel to clean the mess. You went to the bathroom to clean yourself and put on some fresh clothes, realizing with haste that you had to meet with Pacho in roughly two hours.

“You… are something else,” Javier told you when you met in the kitchen.

You grinned, noticing that Javier was already wearing last night’s clothes. He approached you, wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled your body to his, kissing your forehead.

“I thought I could return the favor from last night,” you replied.

“Oh, that was no favor, baby. It’s only natural.”

“Hmm, you don’t say?”

“Yes. But I’ll admit, this is a refreshing way to wake up.”

He kissed you fondly and passionately, a desire to taste you fully arriving in no time; he fondled your breasts and kissed your neck, gently biting inches of skin, and you had to fight against that with every ounce of power you had in you .

“As much as this is… _ngh_ – so – damn good… _Javier_ …”

“God, when you’re moaning my name – “

“Javi. I gotta… I gotta meet with Pacho soon.”

The mentioning of that name threw Javier off and it managed to get him to keep his hands to himself. He rolled his eyes and nodded, following you into the kitchen. He gladly drank the cup of coffee you prepared for them both.

“Listen, I’ll be right behind you,” he told you, mug in his hand. “I’ll be in a car, quietly observing – “

“You? Quietly and just observing?”

You raised one eyebrow at him, and, well, Javier understood your skepticism.

“I can be smooth,” he protested.

“Oh, that I know now, but I don’t think you can when it comes to this.”

“Yes, I can.”

“Javier, you spent the insane and nonexistent amount of ten thousand American dollars to bid for me against Pacho last night.”

He opened his mouth to protest, but was found speechless. He recalled his impulsiveness and recklessness, but once again, he felt no shame or need to apologize for it.

“I wanted to get Steve,” you said, sipping from the coffee.

“Steve. Really?”

“Don’t be shitty. He’s an amazing agent and he knows how important it is to get our hands on Pacho.”

“That’s probably what Pacho thinks about you, too.”

“Javier.”

“What now?!”

“Your jealousy?”

“Right. Fine. Steve can go with you.”

“Thank you for giving us your blessing.”

You smiled, but Javier suddenly couldn’t feel good anymore.

The intense and pleasurable start he had into the day had vanished without a trace, and all he was left with now were consuming thoughts.

»»————- ♡ ————-««

The lunch was going surprisingly well, you had to admit.

Pacho had been pleasant and made no move, neither personally or professionally. Of course, that was all the more cause for concern, but you preferred to focus on a more optimistic outcome of that meeting.

“What kind of investment did you need advice for?” you asked.

Pacho smiled wide. It was that particular gesture which was the most unsettling and the one thing that truly made you suspect he was about to say or do something regrettable.

“I am looking to acquire more buildings. You know, sturdy, strong buildings that make a statement. It’s a very good market right now.”

“Okay. Makes sense.”

“There is one in particular that I have my eye on. I actually signed the papers today.”

“Which one?”

“A gorgeous apartment building on 88 with 3. Tall, good construction, well located.”

You stared at him in disbelief whilst he sipped from his bourbon.

You heard him loud and clear, and Pacho knew that as well.

He knew fucking well what he was talking about and what he was doing.

You corrected your posture, not willing to play his game and reveal any feeling you had about that confession.

“Interesting choice,” you said absentmindedly.

“Isn’t it? I feel like it would be good to have some apartment buildings. Of course, none of the existing tenants would have to leave or anything. This has no impact on them.”

“None, you say.”

“None.”

You fixed your sight on him, anger shooting out of your eyes.

“Isn’t your apartment in that building?” he pretended to ask innocently.

“Yes. It is. But I think you knew that before you even told me this.”

Pacho shrugged.

“I did.”

“So… what’s your plan? Become the land lord and make random visits to my apartment late at night because you lost at the auction?”

You were letting your anger get the best of you and you felt it, but it was nearly impossible to stop it. However, it was clear that you had struck a chord with Pacho because his facial expression changed to a gloomy one in a second.

“I thought you lived with your husband now, so why would you still need that place?” he asked, staring carefully at you .

 _Fuck_ , you thought.

_He touched the one plot hole in our plan._

“We do,” you responded. “We do live together. Not that it’s anyone’s business on how we organize our lives, but since we have such hectic jobs, sometimes we crash in the nearest place. Sometimes it’s mine, sometimes it’s his.”

“Still, I don’t suppose you would still need that place. It sold for a great price.”

The idea that Pacho was now owning that entire building was sickening you. More so because he surely made the transaction late last night or early this morning, while you and Javier were peacefully sleeping, while you were going down on him, while you were still in a happy place…

“Keep it,” you said after a while. “I’m sure it was a great investment.”

You prepared to leave, but Pacho caught your wrist and spun you around, a shameless smile smeared across his face.

“I was thinking of buying that apartment building on 90 with 2 next. You know the one.”

_Javier’s._

_He knows both our places._

“It seems like you’ve made up your mind, so there’s no need for me to advise you on anything.”

“Not really, no. But I can advise you to be careful of you and your husband’s whereabouts.”

You cocked your head to the side and crossed your arms at your chest.

“Was that a threat, by any chance?”

“Not at all. Goodness, no! I would never threat a gorgeous and independent woman.”

“Really? Then where the hell is Judy Moncada?”

Pacho giggled, running a hand through his hair and placing the check on the table whilst standing up to match your height to a fault.

“I’d ask Berna if I were you,” he muttered in your earlobe, making you shiver.

“Berna?”

“He’s got some tricks up his sleeves as well. But… if I were to take a guess… I would think about the second drug paradise on this continent.”

Pacho winked at you and left the restaurant, leaving you shocked and worried on your own. You wasted no more time before rushing to Steve’s car, parked discreetly on a side street and, when you got in the passenger’s seat, you stifled a gasp so as to not alarm Steve.

“What happened?” he asked, examining you .

“There’s good news and bad news.”

“What’s the bad news?”

Javier’s voice in the back startled you to the point of you turning around brutally fast and nearly having a heart attack. You looked at him, displeased.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” you demanded.

“He wanted to tag along,” Steve said. “Apparently he doesn’t trust me alone with you.”

“That’s not – you told him _that?_ Of all the things you could’ve said or explained to him?”

“I didn’t.”

“That was the gist.”

“Steve, the thing is – “

And he finally took notice of the ring on your finger, followed by the one on Javier’s, and looked at you both with utter shock.

“Uh, what the fuck are those?!” he exclaimed.

“It’s part of the plan,” Javier began.

“We… told Pacho, and Berna… and subsequently the entire Cali cartel, apparently… that we are married."

Steve frowned.

“What in the – “

“What’s the bad news, Y/N?” Javier asked, shutting Steve up.

You took a deep breath, frowning.

“Pacho is a very petty man, it seems. He just bought the building that I live in.”

Javier’s eyes went wide, his hand gripping on the seats so tight that his knuckles turned white.

“He – _what?_ ”

“He bought the building. I think he tries to get something out of me regarding this, us, and I’d rather be shot again before telling him anything.”

“He’s probably gonna use it as a cover up for more drug deals,” Steve concluded, eyes still locked on the matching rings.

“Or… he bought it just out of spite and pettiness,” you proposed. “He said he’s thinking of buying yours next, Javier.”

“Motherfucking – “

“He wants to corner us.”

“What the fuck does he think – “

“I got good news, too.”

“What good news could possibly come after this?”

You smiled, a bit of pride showing itself on your now glowing face.

“He might have told me where Judy Moncada is.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier has a suggestion to keep both of you safe in the light of recent events which shocks you, as well as Steve and Connie. But you’ll later realize how complicated being with Javier is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> starts with fluff, but oh, angst creeps its way by the end.

“You can stay with me until we get our hands on Judy Moncada and that son of a bitch,” Javier said later that night over drinks at Steve and Connie’s.

“I sent the tip to the embassy and at the office about Judy. If this is right, we’re one step closer to bringing down the Cali,” was heard from Steve.

“Pacho’s gonna buy your building next,” you reminded Javier. “And even if he doesn’t, the fact that he knows where both of us live is enough to drive me away.”

“You guys need entirely new locations,” Connie added.

Javier’s face lit up and he turned towards you.

“Come live with me.”

There was a deafening silence for a while; Steve turned to Javier, his brows furrowed in confusion and judgement alike, while Connie stared with disbelief at both of you, realizing a second later your shocked face.

“I’m sorry, live – live with you?” you practically yelled. “Live _where?_ We’re more or less homeless!”

“Anywhere. We’ll find a big place and – “

“Javi… sweetie,” Connie placed a hand on his arm, “uh… I know this whole relationship situation is new for you, but even so…”

“You can’t move in with someone after – after what, a week, two, of dating?”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s weird!”

“It is,” Steve fortified. “It is weird, man.”

Javier huffed, eyes focused strictly on you.

“All I’m saying is we turn this into our advantage. We can live together until this mess is over. It’ll be like a stakeout to catch those motherfuckers.”

“Javier – “

“It’s like a – like a test.”

“Which we will both probably fail! Sharing a living space is a serious matter and… before you know it, we’ll butt heads, we will argue and get to despise each other and… we’re gonna fall apart.”

“It’s part of the plan now. We gotta make the plan as we go. Pacho already thinks we live together, doesn’t he?”

“Yes…?”

“It’s more convincing this way. It’s easier, too. I won’t worry about you and you won’t have to worry about me.”

You snorted, still not entirely convinced.

That idea might have been appealing had you and Javier been in an established and committed relationship for longer than a few days, basically, but you could not deny the fact that you were in a desperate need of a safe house, both of you.

And it was, after all, a mission.

“What do you say?” Javier checked. “Fake married couple pretend to move in together?”

You nodded under Steve and Connie’s careful looks and can’t-help-it smiles.

“Who are you though?” you asked him. “What did you do to Javier Peña?”

“I didn’t do anything to him. You did.”

You rolled your eyes, chuckling with nervousness.

“Oh my God, shut up.”

“So, now that this was settled, let’s address the whole ‘we are married’ thing going on because… you can understand our confusion and surprise, right?” Connie asked.

Javier smiled, head down as he took a sip of whiskey.

“It was… my idea, actually,” you mentioned.

“ _Your_ idea?”

“I was trying to be nice and overly flirty with Pacho and one word let to another and… when he mentioned that beneficiary ball, I had to get us invited both.”

“No, of course,” Steve agreed. “What other option was there other than pretending you’re married?”

“In all seriousness, Javi, you really went all in! Even buying rings to make the sale happen… and Sierra’s ring! Wow.”

“It’s super realistic.”

“It’s a real one.”

Steve and Connie stared at Javier for an eternity before you nodded in agreement. Still baffled moments later, more laughter was shared among the four of you, aside drinks and cigarettes. Though she hadn’t said a word to either one of them, Connie was the first to suspect that Javier’s intentions were going in a more serious direction than even he himself realized.

“Javi? Can I – can I ask you something?” she asked him once she caught him alone in the kitchen.

“What’s up?”

She hesitated, playing with her fingers. She did not want to risk triggering something unpleasant for Javier or to jeopardize anything.

“You bought a real ring for her,” she began.

He poured another glass of whiskey and watched her closely.

“Yeah… and?”

“Nothing. You, uh… you really put a lot of thought into this.”

“It should be believable, right?”

“Right. No, yeah, totally. You uh… you also bid 10k for her. Just to not see her go home with another man.”

Javier gulped, the reminiscence of the previous night and the events that transpired after raging within him like a storm.

“Pacho was gonna _buy_ her and – and do who knows what – I just – I couldn’t let that happen.”

“I know. I think it’s very sweet and romantic of you.”

“Thanks, Connie.”

“And… didn’t you call her your girlfriend already?”

“Maybe. Yeah. Yeah, I – I did.”

“Javi… all these things that are happening, all these things that you’re doing for her… don’t you think there’s something more you expect out of this relationship?”

Javier approached her, glass in hand and eyebrow arched. If he was to be completely and painfully honest with himself, and only himself, the intensity of his feelings for you had nearly burned him alive for about a year. 

Ever since you had arrived in Medellin and joined mainly him and Steve on their manhunt for Escobar and now the Cali cartel, Javier hasn’t been able to take his mind off of you. He had shamelessly pictured you a couple of times in the beginning when he still had his private encounters, then he had shamelessly imagined you to be making all of those sounds instead of those women. 

And truthfully, that was the precise moment he knew he had lost his mind for good.

He always found pride in the fact that, regardless of the circumstances of his one night stands with prostitutes, he was devoted and in the moment, leaving nothing as amateur work. When you unknowingly infiltrated his mind, he had completely lost focus on was only able to get off while thinking of you. He felt no shame at the thought, not even when he smiled politely at you in the morning after. He figured you would never have to know. He believed you would never get involved with him.

And now? A year later? His world was completely turned upside down.

Javier had been feeling more insecure regarding his capability of being a decent boyfriend rather than anything else. You were surely out of his league and were much too smart and elegant for his filthy shenanigans, but he had really been putting in hard work to better himself. Yet his fears still lingered.

But he knew for a fact that he only cared and wanted you. No one else.

“I don’t really make plans that far into the future,” he eventually responded to Connie.

“I think you know better by now than to need a lecture from me to not toy with her or her feelings, Javi.”

“I do.”

“I just think that maybe you… want and need this more than she does, and if it’s really that serious in your head, you should let her know, too.”

Javier frowned.

“I do. She… fuck, I can’t even explain it.”

“Give it a try.”

“She makes everything feel incredible. And I’m not talking just sex here.”

“Okay, that’s not what we need – you guys did it?”

“She makes me feel better. Like all the shitty things we go through don’t even matter. Like they can’t hurt us. When she looks at me… it’s just her and I and… no one else exists.”

Connie smiled, caressing his arm.

“That, sweetie, is love.”

Javier stared blankly at her, processing the last word. A word he had never really said in the entirety of his life, and one that he was outright terrified of. It had meaning, it had emotion to it, and though he was fairly convinced of the fact that that’s what he was feeling for you , he didn’t feel right saying it.

At least not yet.

»»————- ♡ ————-««

Sometime later in the night, you agreed to go with Javier back to his apartment to pack the essentials so that they can stop by your place and do the same practice. But no later than taking their first steps inside, there was movement from the living room. Alarmed and with your agent instincts kicking in, you both prepared your guns and scooped the perimeter.

The silhouette you noticed was tall and slender, clearly belonging to a woman. When Javier turned on the lights, he noticed Maria, his last hookup, smiling at him.

“Maria,” he cooed, taken aback. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s been nearly three months since our last appointment, Javi.”

Her voice was brazen, yet smooth and determined. You barely recognized her at first, but the vivid memory of her and Javier on his bed returned and instantly emptied your stomach.

You cleared your throat to make your presence evident and crossed your arms.

“There’s a reason I didn’t call you,” Javier began to explain.

“You’ve got a new toy.”

You chuckled, and even Javier felt in danger.

“I’m not the toy here, honey.”

“I’m sorry. Is she here for a three way or –?”

This time, you couldn’t hide your astonishment. You stared at Javier who returned the surprised look, then approached Maria with a calm but regretful expression.

“Listen, Maria, this – this is Y/N Y/L/N. We’ve been colleagues for quite some time and… now, we’re together. I won’t be needing… _this_ , anymore.”

“You’re together with her? Boyfriend and girlfriend? _You?_ ”

“Yeah, everyone was surprised. Including myself. But yes.”

Maria walked around for a bit, the sound of her heels clicking on the floor painfully and annoyingly to you. Quite frankly, you thought about punching the bitch, but that would’ve meant you were just as ragingly jealous as Javier, and you were determined to keep your composure and reputation.

Besides, you were in the middle of an emergency.

“I don’t believe you, Javi,” Maria said suddenly, addressing only him.

“Believe it.”

“You know… I think you still need me.”

“You really can’t take a hint, can you?” you asked, feeling your patience slip.

“Why are you here, Maria? For a quick fuck? It’s not gonna happen.”

“I’m here… because I’m pregnant. And before you ask, yes, it is yours. There was no one else but you, Javi.”

The bombshell clearly had its desired effect: while Javier was left with a completely shocked expression, you slowly turned to him, face drained of any emotion except incredulity. You huffed and smirked, but it was by no means a good omen.

“Well. This kind of puts a dent in our plans, doesn’t it?” you said, smiling.

“Y/N, I don’t – I didn’t – “

“Three’s a bit of a crowd. So why don’t you choose which one of us leaves?”

“Maria, please go.”

Eyes wide and now jam-packed with rage, Maria exploded.

“You’re gonna choose her and throw me out?! Me?! You’re gonna throw _us_ on the street?”

“Pull yourself together, honey, no reason to be so dramatic.”

“Javi, come on – “

“I said _leave_.”

Maria got up into Javier’s face, breathing so fast onto him that it somehow managed to anger him even more.

“I give you so much more than any other woman and you know it fucking well,” she muttered and walked out, slamming the door behind her.

Now left alone, you turned to Javier, much calmer than a few moments prior.

“You know she’s lying, right?”

“I figured. It’s been three months, there’s no way she wouldn’t have come earlier to drop this bomb.”

“That’s not the point, Javier.”

You stopped, trying to think things through and to say something that would not make the situation much more difficult.

But wasn’t it already too complicated?

“We have to hide, basically, from Pacho and Berna, we have to go on a manhunt for Judy Moncada, we have to pretend that we are happily married, and now – now we got a co-dependent stalking former girlfriend of yours who claims she’s pregnant just to get you to fuck her again on the regular!”

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I really am sorry, I didn’t know she was gonna show up – “

“Again, not the point, Javier! Not even fucking close! The point is… everything is so… fucking complicated and twisted and I don’t give a shit if this makes me sound crazy but every single time that we are even remotely happy, something happens and gets in our way and it’s just – it’s too complicated and painful.”

Javier noticed how drop dead petrified, sad and hurt you were and he instantly panicked, he himself feeling down under badly.

“It’s too fucking complicated,” you muttered again, eyes teary.

“Y/N– “

“You know, as a woman in a man’s world, you are only good so long as you look pretty and cook and sit still to be fucked. Any reaction you might have or expression of an emotion, regardless, can only be an overreaction. Do me a favor and allow me this one moment of overreacting.”

Javier’s lips trembled, his whole body pulsated with a fear unknown before. He felt guilty and ashamed of anything he had done in the past, and he had no idea how he could fix it.

“What do you want me to do?” he whispered, barely able to speak. “Tell me what you need me to do. I’ll do it, whatever it is. I don’t care.”

Revealing a bitter smile, you looked at him for a long time before saying anything again, numbness consuming your body and devouring you from inside out.

“I should’ve chosen Carillo,” you whispered at last, breaking Javier. “I should’ve went with him.”

“No. No… no, you shouldn’t have.”

“Why? Give me one good reason. One solid, strong reason why not because I know… I feel that it would’ve been so much easier with him. No shitty background, no heavy or sad stories – “

“I’m in love with you, Y/N. I… am. I am. I have been in love with you for I don’t fucking know how long, and it won’t… stop. It never stops.”

Frantic and momentarily driven insane by the prospect of losing her, Javier seemingly no longer had control over his body’s functions. He grabbed your wrists and pulled them to his chest, the warmth of your skin making him shiver and nearly cry.

“I can’t stop,” he repeated. “I can’t stop wanting you, every inch of you, every portion, every part of you and – and all of the good things that you bring into my life.”

“Javier – “

“I will do whatever I have to do to be with you. I don’t give a shit what it is. I’ll do it. I’ll kill, I’ll shoot, I’ll dismember, I’ll – I’ll do it! I just – “

You shushed him and cupped his cheeks, bringing his forehead to yours. There was that comfortable silence in between, and both found a much needed closeness in it.

“You don’t have to kill anyone for me,” you whispered.

“Not even Pacho?”

“We’ll see about that.”

“Please don’t go.”

You felt tears streaming down your cheeks but you did not effort to ignore their existence or hide yourself. You were upset, rightfully so or not, and you refused to hide it.

“I need a bit of time alone, Javi,” you whispered to him sweetly.

“What – what do you mean?”

“Just… I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? I need… I don’t know. I need to think, to breathe… and you are not helping.”

“Stay. Please stay.”

Javier smashed his lips against yours, a furious kiss forming right from the start. He needed your body as close as possible to his; he wanted to feel your softness and your breath on him over and over, until there was nothing else he could say but your name.

“Please stay,” he whispered again, lips finding yours second after second.

“I’ll – I’ll see you tomorrow, Javi.”

You broke the kiss, caressing his cheek, and left the apartment without as much as a glance back.

Suddenly surrounded by waves of guilt and disappointment, Javier did the next best thing he knew that would surely numb him: drink the pain away.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once you think things through, you decide to go back to Javier’s place and let him know the truth. Plus, another work day solidifies itself with a deal for you that could change everything.

The smell of liquor and closed air hit your nostrils from the first moment you entered Javier’s place. You inspected the place cautiously until, inevitably, you noticed Javier lying face down on his couch, still wearing yesterday’s clothes. You sighed and placed the two cups of coffee on the table, approaching him carefully.

“Javi,” you whispered, patting his back. “Javi, wake up.”

The man grunted for a few seconds before brutally rising from the couch, looking around him confused. You removed the few messy locks of hair residing on his forehead and cupped his cheek, looking fondly at him.

It wasn’t something you could properly explain. You were painfully aware how tricky the entire situation was, and how much work it was to try and date Javier normally since your lives were anything but that, but you were more than willing to give it a try. Despite his habits and guilty pleasures, Javier was an incredibly good man, tender, protective and loyal to those that matter to him. And those qualities just so happened to be some of the one you treasured the most.

“Y/N,” he muttered, blurrily distinguishing your face.

He recognized your touch first and foremost; it was the kind of soft that lingered with you no matter how long or how much you’d try to get it out of your head.

“What are you – hmm – you’re – “

You smiled. The sight of barely awake but totally hungover Javier was somewhat adorable.

“I see you handled things the usual way,” you said, kicking the empty bottle of whiskey by the feet of the couch away.

Javier said nothing whilst struggling to keep his balance on his way to the kitchen. He smelled the fresh roasted coffee and immediately felt his head throb. You handed him a cup, seeing as to how he was moving around pointlessly, and Javier took a few thirsty sips right away.

“You should really consider cutting back on drinking.”

“I was, but then… last night, when you said… what you said, I…”

You turned towards him, guilt sprayed across your face. 

You had barely slept, thinking things through and breaking them down to an aching point. You seemed to be constantly living with a huge pit in your stomach, one that would scream back at you that you and Javier were simply not supposed to be together.

_But fuck all of those thoughts_ , you snickered.

_I’m gonna take this fucking leap and take this chance because I want to._

_I want him. More than anything else._

“I’m really sorry,” you muttered, deeply affected still. “For – for what I said about…”

There was no need for continuation. Javier remembered it perfectly and his insecurities and fears had returned with full speed.

“Did you mean it?” he asked, voice not daring to fall apart just yet. “When you said you should’ve gone with Carillo… did you mean it?”

A pause stood in between your answer and Javier’s self-damaging thoughts, and it persisted for a while before anything dared come up.

“I thought I did. As I said it, I thought… I really thought I did,” you admitted. “But the moment it came out completely and I saw the look on your face… it hurt a lot more than I could’ve imagined.”

Javier remained silent, now beginning to truly feel the aftermath of last night’s events, as well as your torn expression.

“I didn’t want to hurt you,” you continued. “I really didn’t mean to. I didn’t mean that. It was…”

“Something you said when you were angry. I know. I say a lot of shit when I’m pissed off, too.”

“Still… it hurt like hell.”

Javier did not agree with you verbally, but it was sufficient for you to take one good look at him, at his consumed puppy eyes and know that he was hurt, probably more than you were.

“I’m sorry for saying that,” you repeated truthfully.

“It doesn’t matter now.”

“It does. If I hurt so badly when Carillo died because he was a good friend… imagine the hurt I would’ve went through had I actually had feelings for him. But I didn’t. Everything that I feel… is for you. Every feeling of… despair and anger and exhaustion and care… and love… they’re all for you and because of you.”

Javier moved towards you, slightly looking down on you. Your face was radiant despite your exhaustion, and your warm eyes carried a glow in them that Javier had never seen in any woman. He cupped your cheek, pulling you even closer to him.

“I’m in love with you too, Javi,” you murmured.

Nearly in shock, Javier pulled you in for a kiss, his coffee and whiskey infused breath mixing with yours in an intimate dance. Many minutes passed by before either of them ran out of breath, and you were the first one to pull away, trying to manage your breaths.

“You should take a shower and change your clothes. We got work to do,” you told him.

“I take it you didn’t come all the way here to join me for a shower, or?”

“Unfortunately not.”

“Too bad.”

You chuckled mischievously.

“Also, I woke up early and did some research into your friend, Maria, and surprise, surprise, she was lying her ass off about being pregnant.”

“Just as we thought.”

“Crazy bitch.”

This time Javier laughed, appreciating you from afar.

“You’ve got some serious jealousy issues going on as well, don’t you?”

You arched an eyebrow at him, nearly interrogating him with your look.

“You’ve found your match, Peña. Now be careful. You’re on a slippery road.”

“Yes, ma’am. So. What are we doing today?”

“Trugillo and his team are going after Judy Moncada. Turns out that Pacho’s tip was good. So we are gonna go after him today.”

“I still can’t over the fact that he just willingly answered your question about Judy, just like that.”

“Well… I did turn on my charm when I spoke to him.”

“Try to tone it down next time we see him. It’s working too well.”

You chuckled, with Javier following the gesture suit. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed you again, having to force himself to go take a shower and make himself look presentable.

»»————- ♡ ————-««

There was quite the rumbling around the office by the time you decided to leave. Seeing as to how Javier and Steve were highly focused on work and organizing a trip to the States in order to locate Judy Moncada, you wished them both goodnight and, despite Javier’s insistence to take you home, you walked to your car and decided to grab a few more things from your apartment.

Gun safely secured in your back pocket, you walked out of the office right past a flashy red Mercedes, one that was easily meant to catch anyone’s eye. Sure enough, just as you had suspected, the owner of the car was, of course, Pacho. He wore a black suit and smiled widely as he approached you, whose hand was resting carefully on your gun, but instead he leaned over the car, observing you from a decent distance.

“It’s a bit dangerous for a woman to be alone at night, you know?” he opened the conversation.

“You’re telling a woman something she already knows very well. But don’t worry, I can handle myself very well.”

“I am not doubting that. But I was thinking your husband would fulfill his basic duties and drive you home at least.”

“What are you doing here?”

Pacho paused, and you had a very unpleasant feeling in your stomach.

“You’re taking a very odd and creepy interest in my marriage, Herrera. What do you want?”

You had clearly taken him by surprise by defying him with the usage of his real name, his family one, no less, but Pacho brushed it off and chuckled.

“How is Judy?” he asked.

“The tip was good. Thank you.”

You fought to get the last two words out, but you were smart enough to recognize potential danger, and Pacho could be that potential danger should you play your cards wrong.

“I merely made a suggestion. You’re the one who did the math.”

“Still… I appreciate it.”

“How much?”

You frowned, sensing that Pacho’s real reason for the bizarre encounter was about to be revealed and you simply _knew_ you wouldn’t be a fan of it.

“Very,” you replied cautiously yet acidly.

“I believe the way business works is, I give you something, you give me something. It’s your turn, Y/N.”

“I thought that giving me Judy’s location was your payment for practically driving me and my husband out of our apartments.”

“I did no such thing.”

“We are both too clever to play pretend and ignore the fact that you bought those two buildings just to keep a close eye on us.”

“Y/N, come on! Don’t turn this into something it isn’t.”

“Which might be what?”

“Misery business.”

“It’s a little too late for that, isn’t it?”

This time it was you who got closer to him, practically breathing onto his face now.

“What is it that you want, Herrera?”

He smiled in return, a fraction of him clearly enjoying the show.

“Have dinner with me. Friday night. It’s on me.”

Out of nowhere, you burst out laughing, a laughter rather unsettling and worrisome.

“Have dinner with you?”

“Yes. It’s a simple favor to return, isn’t it?”

“You might think so, wouldn’t you?”

“One meal. I won’t bite.”

“That remains to be seen.”

“One meal.”

“I am a devoted partner, Herrera. I don’t go around with other men behind my husband’s back.”

“Just because you’re chained to the fence doesn’t mean you can’t bark at cars.”

You stood still, the reply leaving you speechless. You were at a crossroads and you hesitated for longer than you would’ve wanted. It was obvious from Pacho’s tone that he did not want to be refused, and quite frankly, you were afraid of what would happen should you turn him down.

After all, he bought you and Javier’s place simply out of spite when he lost the bid for you, so he was most likely capable of anything.

The brief image of Javier going stir crazy over this information and him acting out of jealousy and anger again was enough for you to decide that it was best to go with the flow and work the plan as they go, as Javier told you.

“Let’s be clear. Do not expect anything out of this dinner,” you told him. “No games, no funny moves. It is a… business meeting.”

“You have my word.”

“That’s not good enough.”

“Oh? What else can I do for you, Y/N?”

“You said it yourself. One thing in exchange for another, right?”

“Right.”

“Then I want you to give me one of the Rodriguez brothers.”

Realizing how exceedingly zealous you were with that request, you leaned in closer to Pacho and ran your hands across his back, stopping briefly at his belt and looked him straight in the eyes, slightly delighted by how affected he seemed to be.

“Which one?” he asked.

“Surprise me.”

“Don’t you think it’s a bit of a stretch?”

“For a man like you, not even a little. See you Friday.”

You left, getting into your car and driving away, breath unsteady. You laughed at your own mannerisms and actions, but you couldn’t help but be a little proud of your work.

Now if only you could come up with a believable excuse that would spare Javier of incessant anger on Friday, that would round up quite nicely for the evening.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you accompany Pacho for a business dinner, but his proposal is anything but that. And Javier doesn’t react particularly well to the news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is PURE ANGST, proceed with caution

You did your best all week to not raise any suspicions at the office.

With Steve or Trugillo it wasn’t that complicated. They never asked too many questions, even if they were in your close and trusted circle.

But with Javier it was tricky. Not because he posed never ending questions, but simply because of who he was. His instincts had almost never failed him, and because of how he felt for you – and vice versa – it got him on a higher alert than before. Even when you said you were having dinner and some drinks with Connie on Friday night he seemed a bit tense, but he quickly dismissed it and went on with his day.

You didn’t like the fact that you had to go behind his back that way, but you had only the best intentions, as well as keeping Javier’s best interest at heart. You cared too much for him to have some sort of a stroke because of his anger, so why worry him excessively? 

One might have argued that involving Connie in your little Friday plot was far more dangerous than simply telling Javier what you were doing, but you had it all figured out. Connie wouldn’t be in any danger. And you could absolutely not risk anyone messing up that dinner and lose the huge opportunity of getting one of the Orejuela brothers.

You chose one of your best dresses for that dinner, more because you needed that extra shot of confidence rather than to impress Pacho. As far as you had seen, he was easily impressed by a set of pretty eyes, empty words and minimum physical contact. You chose to get your gun as well, just as a safety measure. Should a worst case scenario happen, you better be ready. As the saying went, better to have something and not need it than to need it and not have it.

So you instructed Connie thoroughly and told her every single detail about the evening, telling her to stay in your car and to call you if there was anything even remotely suspicious. You knew you were already risking a lot that evening, so you wanted everything to go down smoothly.

You stepped into that restaurant with high anxiety, much more intense than anything ever experienced on the field, but you kept your head high and your most radiant smile. You pleasantly noticed Pacho standing up from one of the tables in the middle, eyes rushing to your long legs and your walk, but quickly focusing on your face as he kissed your hand to greet you.

“You sure know how to dress to impress,” he remarked, pouring you a glass of wine already.

“You’re not doing so badly either.”

“Are compliments to other men not a dangerous slope to go down on from your pledged loyalty to your husband?”

“Not if they’re true.”

Pacho chuckled, and you were unsure at that point whether he was simply going along with your flirtatious acts and comments or if he was truly flattered and charmed by you.

“Didn’t you say that I can bark at cars even if I’m chained to the fence?” you asked, raising your glass.

“I did. I wouldn’t have thought you’d change your mind.”

“My husband has very questionable past encounters with… women. And I looked past it. Why can’t a woman have some innocent fun too?”

“I see no reason against it.”

They clicked their glasses and went through dinner rapidly. 

Pacho had proved innocent yet again under the first impression, but as you pieced the details together, you soon wondered if what was worse was yet to come. You thought about Connie, your heart sinking for a few seconds, and you hoped for the best.

“About my request,” you finally tackled the issue at hand.

Pacho raised his brow with delight, a rather devilish smirk erupting from the corner of his lips.

“You wanting one of the Rodriguez brothers.”

“Yes. I hope you understand that I have to do my job.”

“Of course. So far our collaboration worked excellently. Everyone gets what they want and we get to keep our business on the low. However – “

Your heart sunk into your stomach, shrinking to the size of a peanut. You gulped, patiently waiting for the rest.

“It’s still a big request,” Pacho continued.

“Go big or go home.”

“I like a woman with goals. But why did you feel the need to use leverage for tonight?”

You frowned, genuinely confused.

“I think your friend Connie Murphy is already bored in that car by herself.”

You he stared at him in disbelief, heart and stomach disappearing completely by that point. Pacho leaned over the table, closer to you.

“You’re much more resourceful than I initially thought.”

“She has nothing to do with you and me. Leave her out of this.”

“It would be a shame if her husband realized she’s not quite where she said she was tonight, wouldn’t it?”

You rolled your eyes, exasperated and afraid.

“Fine. Let’s cut the crap. What do you want in exchange for one of the brothers?”

“How about both?”

Your head was close to spinning. Your heart began racing wildly again, too thrilled to believe what you had just heard.

“Both?” you repeated, distrustful.

“Why not? They have been getting on my nerves lately.”

“In exchange for what?”

Pacho smiled, somewhat fondly, before providing his final answer.

“You.”

_There it is._

_The catch._

_The ultimate catch._

You stared back at him, mouth ajar in shock. But then again, the more you thought about it, the more it made sense. 

You really shouldn’t have been shocked at the revelation. Pacho was a straightforward man with many resources and endless ways to threat or corner someone, and throughout that entire time, he did exactly that. He cornered you and now there you both were, having the final showdown.

Still in awe, you could only stare at him, desperately trying to figure out an appropriate response.

“We don’t have to agree on anything right now,” Pacho told you calmly. “You can think about it for a while.”

“Connie stays out of this.”

“She’s not that interesting compared to the real prize if you ask me.”

“Swear to me that she remains safe.”

“She stays out of this.”

You gulped, fear wrapping itself around you and surrounding you with waves of fear and anxiety. Your mind was in shambles, rummaging into thoughts of Javier and Steve and Connie, and how their hunt for the Cali cartel had become by far more important than their own lives.

The stakes were higher than ever, you thought, and you could practically feel your throat close and body go numb under the immense pressure.

“Don’t you think it’s a bit of a stretch?” you asked Pacho.

The man giggled.

“For a fine woman like yourself? Not even a little bit.”

You eventually left dinner with a huge pit in your stomach. When you got in the car and came in contact with Connie, you hugged her tight, much to the latter’s surprise.

“What’s – going on?” Connie asked from over your shoulder, confused.

“Nothing. Just… eased to see you.”

“What happened in there? Did you make a deal?”

You hesitated.

“It’s… in the making.”

“I can’t imagine he just shook on it, did he?”

“No. He’s clever and sneaky.”

“Are you okay though? You’re a bit pale.”

You didn’t respond with anything but a reassuring smile and drove Connie back home. The ride was comfortable and friendly, but your mind could only work endlessly and process everything with high intensity, nearly painfully so. You knew damn well that you should’ve refused Pacho on the spot. You couldn’t simply sell yourself like that.

But that was precisely what Pacho wanted. And he wouldn’t have hesitated to retaliate against the rejection and go after Connie. He wanted to buy you one way or the other, and he used your own needs to get to you this time.

When you parked in front of Steve and Connie’s apartment building, both of you noticed Javier’s Jeep as well, and moments later, Javier and Steve themselves, seemingly engaged in a hectic conversation.

“Honey,” Steve cooed, hugging Connie tightly and not letting her go for many seconds.

“I’m wildly popular tonight,” she laughed.

“What’s going on?” you asked.

Surprisingly, Javier did the same as Steve and hugged you tightly. You hugged him back, his trademark scent of cologne and warmth overwhelming you to the degree of a mental breakdown.

“Berna called me and said that Pacho’s out in town tonight at some meeting,” Javier clarified. “With you ladies out, we thought – “

“Oh, no, we were perfectly safe,” Connie said immediately.

“Besides, I was prepared.”

You showed Javier the gun hidden in your purse and he nodded as if in agreement.

“Thank God you’re both okay,” Steve said.

“I wasn’t worried. Y/N can handle shit,” Connie smiled at you.

You returned the smile before addressing Javier and Steve. You had no clue how the hell were you going to play that card now that it got so personal and close to them, but you knew you had to.

“What if I told you I could get all of our hands on Cali and take them out?” you said to the men.

“I would say that’s kind of an indecent proposal for a gang bang,” Steve joked.

Javier chuckled at well, but soon it faded upon seeing your desperate face.

“Both Rodriguez?” he questioned you.

You nodded. “Berna, too. All of them,” you added.

“Seriously?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

You faltered, anxious again. You didn’t want to blow the night’s cover, but the implications of the situation were greater than ever before and you were convinced you couldn’t hide them anymore.

“Let’s just say that Pacho said something at his meeting that… well, if he gets that, he will give us the Rodriguez brothers, the labs, everything.”

“What’s in it for him?” Steve asked, holding onto Connie.

“I think he really just wants this one thing.”

“Ah, come on, there’s not enough money or cocaine in this world to make him betray the entire cartel just like that!”

Javier observed your shaky body language, your facial expression and your reluctance, and finally understood. The kind of panic that ran through him at that time was immeasurable and incomparable.

“He doesn’t want money or drugs,” he muttered, tone grave.

Connie shot you a concerned look.

“You dragged Connie tonight with you?” he asked you.

“What?” Steve interfered.

“Pacho’s fucking meeting was with Y/N. And Connie, apparently.”

Steve stared at Connie with panic and concern alike, but she was quick to dismiss him and jump to your defense.

“Look, Y/N knows what she’s doing. I was in the car the entire time, perfectly safe. She handled things like a pro.”

“What the fuck, Y/N?!” Steve exclaimed.

“You could’ve said something,” Javier grunted.

You finally exploded.

“Could I? Every time that I do, you get this overwhelming instinct to protect me like I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.”

“Of course I want to protect you! I give a fuck about you!”

“I am not a fucking property, Javier! I don’t belong to you like an object! And I am _not_ some poor defenseless little lady! I am a grown ass woman, swift and intelligent and cocky enough to solve shit on my own!”

“I don’t – you don’t – belong to me – I – “

“Shut up! You act like I am only here to look pretty and to be impressed when a man your size and your rank is the only thing I need. I am _not_. I am _not_ an object, and I am _not_ incapable at my job. Is that clear?”

“Never said you were, but when you go behind my back like this, behind our backs – “

“I planned everything carefully for _days!_ I knew what the fuck I was doing! I didn’t need you or your excessive jealousy and anger to mess this up! Pacho knew Connie was with me. One wrong move or word and – “

“He knew?” Connie whispered.

“I knew what I was doing and I kept my cool whilst doing it, unlike you, Javier.”

He huffed, both insulted and relieved at the same time. There was no real point in trying to argue or dismiss your words, he knew that you were right. He knew that his anger sometimes got the best of him.

“If something would’ve happened – “he insisted, voice breaking.

“Nothing would have happened. Pacho won’t hurt me.”

“Please.”

“You might find it hard to believe that someone would be into me as well to the point where they couldn’t stand seeing a single wound on me, but just know that I could end this deal. I could end this cartel with a single word.”

“What the fuck does Pacho want then?” Steve asked.

Silence.

Javier felt like breaking into a million pieces when he looked at you. 

He saw the sadness in your eyes, the madness, the nerves and all of it. You were shook. That much he could tell: you were trying your hardest to satisfy everyone and to take everything up on yourself, but it was consuming you deeply.

“He wants me,” you confirmed at last.

Javier ran his hands through his hair, nearly ripping it apart, while Steve and Connie stared at you with astonishment. Even Steve found it hard to believe that Pacho would go that far and low.

But he had to remember that he was one of the four chairmen of the Cali cartel and that those people did not give a flying fuck about anything else but their empire and their own needs. Only Pacho had some decency to remain somewhat of a gentleman.

“How – what the fuck does he – how, exactly?” Steve tried to put one and one together.

“He just said he wants me, not how. But I have a pretty accurate guess as to how he wants me and it’s not a very pleasant image.”

“Obviously that’s off the table, we can’t spare any people and especially not you. Right, Javi?”

Javier didn’t answer. He was pacing around furiously, facing away from all three of them. Steve eventually went to him and forcefully dragged him back.

“What was the deal?” he grudgingly asked you.

“I initially said I want one of the Rodriguez brothers but he offered both… in my exchange. He said I could think about it for a while.”

“How generous of him,” Connie sarcastically remarked.

“What – what do you want to do?”

Clearly you hadn’t expected Javier’s thoughtful question. You soon realized he was fighting his inner instincts very hard because his fists were clenched and he was sucking his cheeks in, but you nonetheless appreciated it.

“I don’t know yet. This can bring them all down.”

“But you’d… be with Pacho,” Steve reminded you, face contorted with disgust.

“The idea is hardly appealing, but… the agent in me says that it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

“Hitting on married women. This motherfucker really has no standards.”

“He couldn’t buy her at the auction so now he’s trying to buy her with the one price that we all want,” Javier muttered.

“It’s actually clever as fuck if you think about it,” Connie added.

All three stared her down.

“I’m just pointing out the obvious.”

“I have to think this very well,” you said.

“There shouldn’t be anything to think about.”

You glared at Javier, seeing his pained reaction and feeling extremely guilty as well, but in all honesty, you had the hardest time right then, not any of them.

“You’ll end up agreeing anyway,” Javier said out of the blue.

“What?” you asked, bewildered.

“Because this is bigger than any of us. It’s gotten out of control. For fuck’s sake, this is controlling our lives, it’s owning us! And… you’ll go with you agent instincts because you are a workaholic like me and Steve, and you’ll go with Pacho.”

“Because it’s an easy decision to make, isn’t it?”

“No. Because it’s duty above anything else, apparently. And because who better to make this kind of decision that the daughter of a former drug lord?”

You didn’t realize when it happened, but it did. Your hand swung down Javier’s way and slapped him across the face as hard as you could. Steve and Connie watched in agony and surprise and said nothing.

“Don’t you dare use that against me, ever again,” you growled to Javier. “ _Ever_. I told you that in confidence, in a moment of intimacy and security. You don’t get to use my past against me or to dictate me what I should or shouldn’t do.”

You got in the car and drove away without saying anything else to either of them, anger practically seeping through your every pore. You just knew you would have another sleepless few days.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in the middle of the tension-filled evening, Javier comes crawling back to you (quite literally) to apologize and to confess himself - and it sure works out better than he had expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some angst, SMUT (face riding, cowgirl, unprotected sex [wrap that thing up, loves!!!], cockwarming, implied doggy style)

It was almost one o’clock in the morning, but sleep was nowhere near finding you.

You hadn’t even changed out of your clothes; everything that had happened that night and in the past few months was finally taking its toll on you, exhausting you to the point where you could barely get off the couch to grab a glass. So you settled for drinking wine straight from the bottle. The only sound was your breath, now so slowed down that anyone who might’ve seen you might’ve thought you were barely alive.

But the reality wasn’t far from that.

Mentally, you were far from feeling okay. Everything was taking a turn for the worse and it was getting more and more intricate by the minute. You had to make the biggest decision of your life, and there was nothing that could help you settle for an answer. How were you supposed to decide between willingly surrendering to a drug lord or refusing him and practically losing any progress the entire team had made?

You were halfway through the bottle of wine when you picked up the phone and called Steve. Luckily, he answered fast so you wouldn’t have to make up terrifying scenarios regarding his or Connie’s whereabouts.

“Hey, Steve, it’s Y/N.”

_“Hey.”_

His tone was slightly hoarse and even judgmental, you felt, but you cleared your throat and continued nonetheless.

“Are you guys okay?”

_“Yeah, we got home not long ago.”_

“Is Connie okay?”

Steve sighed heavily on the other line.

_“Yeah, she’s fine.”_

“I’m sorry for getting her involved in this mess. I’m really sorry.”

_“You know, if Javi would’ve pulled this stunt, I would’ve punched the shit out of him. But given the circumstances… I’m not the kind of guy who lays his hands on a woman.”_

You smiled.

“I knew what I was doing. She wasn’t gonna be in danger. I love her. I would’ve died before I would’ve let anything happen to her.”

_“I know. She told me. And I trust you, Y/N. You’re… one of the best agents I’ve ever seen in my damn life.”_

“Thanks. Where’s – where’s Javier?”

_“He left before we did.”_

A vague insecurity crawled its way into the pit of your stomach, but you cast it aside immediately. You didn’t want to mistrust Javier, not anymore, and not after what you were going through. And despite his attitude from that evening, along with his unexpected words, you chose to have faith in him.

“Alright, you guys take care,” you said. “See you soon.”

_“Goodnight, Y/N.”_

“Goodnight.”

You took another sip of the wine, the bottle leaving your lips with a little _plop_ , and you began to feel the alcohol burning your insides, twisting them even more than your anxiety managed to, and you sunk your body into the couch, allowing it to swallow you and your fears.

Mere moments later, the door was heard opening and then closing. Puzzled, your investigative eyes tried to see the source of the sound without making a single movement, but it was next to impossible. 

Thankfully, the source revealed itself, now standing before you in a much disheveled way.

“Javier,” you cooed, half bitter and half hopeful.

Hopeful for _what_ exactly, you had no clue.

“You gave me a spare key for… emergencies,” he muttered, his hands fumbling at his jeans.

“I remember. You did the same that day when I saw – “

“I’m sorry.”

It was all that he said, and he needn’t say more: you knew exactly what the apology went for. He had those damned puppy eyes again, as if knowing you were weak for them and that you could not resist them, but you fought hard to stand your ground and not cave in.

“Full offense, but I don’t feel like talking to you right now,” you said, finally getting off the couch and walking past him. “Or talking at all, really.”

“You don’t have to.”

You went into the kitchen, completely ignoring him, but you could hear his determined, heavy steps following you. You gulped and sighed simultaneously, closing your eyes as you stood with your back against him.

“I didn’t say that ‘your father was a drug lord’ thing as an insult. I swear I didn’t. You’re probably the most fitted person to fight against all of those fuckers, the one who knows the most and who has seen the most. I didn’t – I never want to make you hurt, Y/N.”

“Isn’t this our thing?”

Javier went mute. Even without seeing your face, he swore he felt your pulsating anger vibrate through the walls and right through him, fuming and shouting at him through no movement or words at all.

“Isn’t this what we do? We get mad, we say some shit we don’t mean to and then we apologize, only to later do the same thing again. And again. And again.”

You turned towards him this time, eyes practically defying him. But beneath all of that anger, all of that resentment, lied a boiling passion, nearly blinding.

“I’m asking you, how many times can you bang your head against the wall before you start to bleed? How many times can you cut yourself until you realize you can’t stop the bleeding?”

“I’m sorry.”

“I heard you the first time.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m sorry.”

Javier fell to his knees right in front of you and hugged your legs, burying his head in between your kneecaps, his hot breath tingling your legs. You frowned, stomped. 

What the hell were you supposed to do now? You’d never seen Javier in such a fragile state of mind or a more regretful one at that, and all it did was mess with you beyond your comprehension or acceptance skills.

“You don’t understand what this is doing to me,” he muttered from down below. “No one fucking does.”

“To _you?_ ”

“Yes. To me… it’s like I’m drowning.”

Javier kept his head in the same position, nearly sobbing. A tremor engulfed his extremities and he went cold all of a sudden.

“I have never… cared for anyone more than I care for you,” he said, voice already breaking. “I never loved anyone as much as I love you. I never loved before… I really never did. It was all… fucking empty and pathetic and lonesome and I liked it that way. I loved it. And now, when you’re not with me, when I can’t hear you, when I can’t see you or smell you… I’m drowning. I’m drowning, Y/N.”

You unconsciously ran your fingers through his hair, feeling overly emotional. As hard as you fought against it, once you heard his heartfelt confession disclosing his true sentiment towards you, you knew you were a goner. It was impossible not to be affected by it.

“I’m drowning all the time when you’re not here, and the way you make me feel… _fuck_.”

Javier lifted his head and looked up at you. You shockingly noticed his wet eyes and a single tear running down his cheek.

“You’re my breath of fresh air,” he continued, still looking up. “You’re the fresh air that I need, the breath of life. You’ve become… my life, and I… I hate everything that doesn’t have you in it. The thought of anyone else touching you or hurting you, it – it makes me wanna… shoot them all in their fucking faces. I know I’m selfish, I know I’m damaged goods, I fucking know, but I don’t care. I don’t give a shit. I would shoot my way through this entire fucking country if it means I get to keep you safe and happy. You’re my life, Y/N, and I – I want you more than anything and anyone.”

You began to sob silently, your fingers tenderly running through Javier’s mahogany locks on repeat and holding him close to you.

“You don’t have to kill anyone for me,” you whispered, oddly hung onto every word he had spewed out.

“I will, to keep you safe.”

“Why did you have to love me? Why did _I_ have to… give in to every single thing that you do or say?”

The question carried more meaning to it, and Javier picked up on it in a heartbeat. Realization hit him like a sledgehammer and his legs nearly gave out on him as he processed your not-so-smooth declaration.

“I love you, Y/N. Please… _please_ forgive me. Please be with me,” he muttered, looking up at her.

You could barely flash a tiny smile down, but even that sent Javier into a frenzy. He felt his heart throb with love and pain and multiple sensations for that one woman, and he couldn’t recall a time when he felt more alive.

He pressed a tender kiss on the inside of your thigh, just above your left knee, and the simple skin touch made you shake. Then he pressed a second, a third, a fourth… tenth kiss, higher and higher, his fingers lifting your dress all the while, and your grip on his hair tightened without your knowledge.

You let out a soft moan as he kept kissing the inside of your thighs, his lips now moving to your right leg, a gush of breath getting closer to your sweetest region. You pulled on a few hair locks, eyes closed and head backward, mouth agape at Javier’s every touch.

When he buried his head in your crotch and came upon the black panties, he shivered and, without a single thought in his mind, caught the string between his teeth and dragged it all the way down to your feet. You were watching the scene unfold before you, barely breathing, and shook at the outrageous moves that brought so much pleasure. 

There was something absolutely _maddening_ about having Javier on his knees for you, admiring you that way, the way no one else did.

“Can I have you?” he suddenly asked, cutting all of the oxygen from your lungs.

“Yes,” you replied almost too fast.

He proceeded to place on hand beyond your legs and the other on your back, carrying you to the bedroom. He kicked the door with his foot and threw you on the bed, the mattress bouncing as your body fell on it. Javier stripped off his white shirt, leaning in to kiss you. There was nothing sweet or slow about the kiss, nor in any of your desperate movements. It was all fast and needy, a raging desire behind every touch.

Clothes were tossed aside on the floor without care, and you found yourself once again naked beneath Javier’s body, breath ragged and mind spinning already.

“Hands on the headboard, my love.”

You tremble as Javier’s calloused hands hold your thighs to either of his sides, holding you right above him. You hover, shaking with excitement.

“J-Javi – I – “

Then he pulled you down, right on his face, no comments or other words allowed. You moaned as his tongue teased your clit, breath tingling your senses and sending your body into a fit of passion.

“Javi – _oh_ – “

His tongue glides smoothly between your legs, moving through your lips and prodding every inch of available skin. You’re too weak to say or do anything; Javier is one fine master at eating you out and you are not good at handling it. And he, too, is fully aware of that fact. There’s no need to admit such a blatantly obvious fact.

You want to pull away from him, in a need for air and mind clearance, but Javier isn’t having any of it: his grip on your thighs tightens, and he continues his torturous ministrations over your clit, his growl vibrating right through you and sending some sort of a dirty signal to your body to prepare for that all too familiar burning sensation.

“Fuck – Javi – fuck – oh, _fucking hell_ – _Javier_ – “

You’re sitting entirely on his face, allowing his lips to gain utter and total control over your pussy, sucking on your bud like he had been thirsty the whole day, dragging his tongue across the slit and murmuring sweet nothings.

“Such a pretty girl,” he said from somewhere down below. “The prettiest girl.”

You barely hear him. You’re simply and plainly on the verge of exploding.

“Come on, baby, you got this. _Cum on me._ ”

With every word he says right into your pussy, you shiver and you arch your back, hands gripping the headboard harshly and holding onto it for dear life.

“Ride my face, baby. You got this,” he says again.

This time you hear him, and you can’t help it. You rock your body to the rhythm he has established, rubbing your awfully wet pussy on his face as he keeps eating you out furiously, edging you right to the verge of that final and sweet release.

“Javi! Javi – fucking hell – “

You cum at last, and you cum so hard from the stimulation that you keep on riding his face, just as he had wanted, without shame, without guilt and without anything but absolute pleasure and a persisting desire for _more_. In spite of your shaky legs and blurry vision, you cannot stop for the life of you.

Javier lets you go and dives for another longing kiss, allowing you to taste yourself on his mouth, moaning into the kiss. Everything about Javier’s persona was so deliciously enticing that there was seemingly nothing or no one that could break their connection. 

You knew that Javier had lowered the walls around his heart and allowed himself to be completely exposed to you, body and soul, and it was simply marvelous.

Your hands travel up and down his back as you’re straddling his lap. One hand reaches down to stroke his cock and Javier hisses into their sloppy kiss, but you smile against his mouth as your hand strokes his hardening cock more and more, your thumb swirling over the tip, practically feeling the building sensation rising in Javier.

“Y/N – fuck – _oh_ – “he moans at your lips.

You pull away only to gaze at him hungrily, your hand continuously stroking him, with no desire to stop. In return, Javier grazes your cheek and you take his hand to palm your core. He teasingly moves his fingers against your swollen folds and you moan.

“God, I love how you sound,” he whispers.

You suck in a breath as he moves his index and middle fingers over your clit.

“Oh, yes, baby,” he moans himself. “I love it so fucking much.”

You kiss his chest lightly, both your hands now on his broad shoulders as he plays with a few locks of your hair and palming your core still. Your head sinks lower and lower, but this time, it’s not what Javier wants.

He guides your hand to his cock, looking down at you and moaning as he feels your warmth wrap around him and clench him tightly. He closes his eyes for a few seconds, resting his hands on your hips as you begin rolling them.

“Fuck, _yes_ ,” Javier grunts, gripping onto your sides, squeezing the skin and molding it into between his fingers.

Your hands are splayed on his chest as you roll your hips in circling motions, causing yourself to arch your back and bite your lips. Your hair is falling down over your shoulders in wavy cascades and Javier’s fingers snake their way to the bone of your spine to wrap around the back of your neck, watching mesmerized as you’re eagerly riding him.

The image is lustful and beyond striking. His grip tightens as he thrusts up, strong and decisive, making sure his cock reaches into you properly, giving you all the pleasure that you want, need and deserve.

“Javier – “you moan.

“Oh, fuck yes, baby,” Javier moans as well.

_He loves it when you’re loud._

_He loves it when you can’t contain yourself._

You’re riding him, snugged on his lap, and you hold his thighs now to push yourself up and down, to grind yourself onto him as fast as you can, to make yourself feel as good as possible and to do whatever you want with him for the sake of your own pleasure first.

_It drives Javier wild when you do that._

Your body shivers with every thrust, the feeling of him gripping the back of your neck indecent and sinful. Javier pulls you down by the neck and kisses you deeply and passionately, groaning into your mouth as you run your fingers through his hair and push yourself completely down on him, thrusts fast and rough.

“Fuck – _yes_ – you’re so g-good,” Javier tries to speak, face scrunched in ecstasy. “A good girl – such a fucking – good girl – the prettiest girl – “

“Javi – I l-love – I love y-you – _fuck_ – “

He freezes momentarily, eyes locked on your surprised face. A smirk curving his lips catches you off guard for whatever reason, his tongue licking his lips deliberately.

“What did you say?”

If you had been in the right, conscious state of mind, you might have been able to form a coherent sentence, but instead you furrowed your brows at Javier, desperately trying to mask your panic.

“What?”

“Say it again. Please.”

He gives you a particularly hard thrust, causing your mouth to open in a high.

“Say you love me, Y/N.”

He is not commanding you nor rushing you; he is _pleading_ for your love, needing it desperately.

Your heart is pounding as hard as Javier is pounding into you, and you can now recall the words you had cried out in the throes of passion.

Blushing furiously, you sink your nails into the flesh of his thighs and he jolts with pleasure. You lift your head to see his beautifully fucked out expression. His thumb traces lightly along your jawline to push between your lips in a moment of haste, right into your wet mouth, and you suck it without a second thought. He flashes a devious, sexy smile, reserved for you and you alone.

“Tell me, my love,” he says, fucking you as hard as he could.

“God, Javi – I’m – I’m gonna – “

“Do it,” he says, thrusting farther up, faster and harder. “Say you love me, tell me – please, baby – “

“I – I love you, Javi – “

“Again – “

“Oh – _f-fuc-ck_ – I l-love – I love you – “

“I love you, Y/N– “

“I love you – _fuck,_ I – I love y-you! I – “

You bite down on his thumb, the feeling of his other hand on your ass making you quiver. He grunts your name again and again until his orgasm crashes inside of him, making him burn, thrusting up into your pussy, emptying himself inside of you. His cock throbs, swollen, and he buries himself balls deep into you. Your orgasm explodes throughout your body as well, not long after. You moan, eyes closed, as you roll your hips slower, again in circling motions, still reeling from the intense orgasm. Javier slows down his thrusts as well, focusing on going as deep as possible instead of as fast as possible.

He kissed you once more, hissing when your body crashed at his chest. He linked his forehead with yours, keeping his eyes closed as if somehow afraid that if he were to open them, the magical moment would disappear.

“Look at me,” you commanded him.

He obeyed, opening his eyes and staring at your glowing face, eyes kind and warm as they always had been in their shared intimacy.

“I love you, Javier,” you mutter, more secure in saying it this time around.

He smiles, heart melting.

“I love you too, Y/N. I _adore_ you.”

You smile, flattered, hanging onto his shoulders again when he decides to randomly thrust inside of you again, hard. He bites on his lower lip, staring at you intently.

“Tired?” he asks, still inside of you, hands on your ass.

“Not really.”

Javier smiles devilishly, just the way you like it.

“How do you want me?”

 _God, he’s reading my thoughts,_ you ponder fleetingly.

“From the back.”

“Buckle up then, my love.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in the aftermath of an unexpectedly long and eventful weekend, you finally make your decision, thus changing your relationship status in the blink of an eye.

For who knows how long, there were only ragged breaths, beads of sweat and skin slapping against skin, caressing, biting, licking and touching with a yearning that exceeded your wildest dreams.

Javier soon became _unhinged_ when it came to you; anything he could do to make you scream or plead in fits of passion and ecstasy, he would do it in a heartbeat. You drove him well past the thin edges of sanity and pleasure. Everything about you was an absolute thrill, making him shake with the simplest touch or the most mundane word. From the enticing way you allowed him access to your body, the way your body curved itself deliciously as he was inside of you, to your sweet chuckles, your adoring and caring whispers, your sparkling and attentive eyes, and your wonderful way of just existing.

Much later, in the darkness, as you made slow circling motions with your index on Javier’s chest, neither dared state the obvious, but it was more than clear that both knew it to be true and, in the end, a harmful necessity.

“You know I have to take up on Pacho’s offer,” you muttered against his chest.

Javier sighed profoundly, recoiling at the statement.

“I do,” he responded.

“It’s not going to be that bad. The way I see it, he probably just wants to keep me around like a pet and mess with my head while you’re all on the hunt for them, aimlessly, because I’m the only outsider who knows the actual location of everything they own.”

“I’d much rather have him not mess with any part of you.”

You lifted your head, inhaling and staring at Javier, half amused. He never ceased to surprise you, even if it was with something as surefire as his jealousy and poor anger management skills.

But perhaps that was the very reason why you were attracted to one another like moths to a flame: you both knew what it was like to be filled with so much rage and frustration at the things you do and see, and both of you were in the position to comfort each other.

“Besides, I have a plan,” you tried to coax him.

And it worked. Javier’s eyes squinted curiously at you.

“You’re always the woman with the plan,” he remarked admiringly.

“I am.”

“So what’s the blueprint, what are we working with here?”

“I doubt Pacho is going to allow me contact with the outside world once I get to what I can only _hope_ and presume it’s their main location, but once I’m in, I’ll get to the closest phone or whatever the hell it is and call Connie because it’s less suspicious.”

“That’s a great idea.”

“I know, right? So I call Connie, tell her everything I noticed about the location and have her tell you and Steve all of the information.”

“Then it’s DEA to the rescue.”

You smiled, kissing him briefly and cupping his cheek.

“Promise me you got this,” you said with a near gasp.

“I got this.”

“I mean it, Peña. You gotta have a clear head for this. No blind rage, no striking jealousy, none of that. You gotta think things through and work like you always did. Like one of the best DEA agents there are.”

“I promise, I will. I got this.”

“Good. I’d hate to have something happen to you after buying me such a lovely pretend wedding ring.”

Javier laughed, taking your hand into his and examining it closely. The sudden absence of said ring was somewhat bizarre to him.

“Don’t forget I also paid ten thousand dollars to save your wonderful ass,” he fired back.

“You didn’t actually pay for shit!”

“But look at the effect it had! You can’t tell me it didn’t work.”

“I have a fantastic memory, I don’t forget anything. More so not this one cause… no one else would’ve been as crazy as you to do that for me.”

Javier smiled, pulling you closer to him.

“I forgot to tell you,” he said in between kisses on your forehead and nose. “I found a very nice apartment in town. It’s low-key, it’s kinda hidden, and we could move in this week.”

You watched him surprised.

“So... we’re doing this? We’re gonna... live together?”

“Well, we can’t live in either of our places since Pacho decided to keep tabs on us. Sick fucker’s probably aware of what we’re doing right now.”

“Ew, don’t say that!”

Both of you laughed, cuddling up to each other.

“It’s a temporary move,” Javier assured you. “We’ll see how it goes.”

“And it doesn’t terrify you?”

“No. Should it?”

“I… don’t know. It’s a big deal. I know that you lived with Lorraine for a while before you planned to get married, but other than that… neither of your girls stayed longer than a few hours in the same place as you.”

“Neither of them were my girls. They were… friends with benefits. You… you are my girl.”

The doorbell rung, to both your surprise. Furrowing your brows, you got out of bed and wrapped a gown around you before answering.

“Connie,” you said, genuinely surprised and confused.

“Where the hell where you? I’ve been calling you all weekend!”

“All week – “

You went mute, processing. 

_It couldn’t have been._

“I thought something happened to you!” Connie continued, entering your place and looking around.

“Wait, no. It’s not – _no_. Today is – “

“It’s Monday, Y/N. How did you miss that?”

You smiled nervously and flashed a smile at Connie, vaguely embarrassed. You scratched the back of your neck, a now distant memory of Javier’s grip over it flushing your body with the heat of a thousand suns.

“So sorry,” you said, flustered and giddy. “I… wanted to catch up on some sleep and I guess… I lost track of time.”

Before Connie could offer a reply, she noticed Javier walking up behind you in a pair of jeans, smiling eased at her.

“Good morning, _sleep_ ,” she accentuated, smiling at both.

“Morning, Connie. Everything okay?”

Javier placed one arm around you, whose nervousness increased speedily.

“Yes. I just wanted to check up on Y/N because she hasn’t been answering her phone, but I see now that she is… more than fine.”

“Shit, it’s already seven! Anyone up for some coffee?”

“Would love some.”

“None for me, Javi, thanks.”

He went into the kitchen, leaving room for Connie to finally freak out properly. She pulled you closer to her, sneaking into the living room, and looked at you in shock.

_“The whole weekend??”_ she whispered.

You laughed, face scrunched with flattery, nerves and once in a while, lustful flashbacks of your apparent two day affair.

You finally nod, jolting with excitement as Connie repressed a scream.

“We barely left the bedroom,” you add, pursing your lips together.

“Damn!” she giggles. “What did you – how even – what – “

“A _lot_ of things. And I hate to admit it, but… his reputation speaks volumes. Son of a bitch knows what he’s doing. And he’s doing it _sinfully_ good.”

“This kinda makes me wish I could pull an all-weekend with Steve.”

“Give it a try. It’s life-changing.”

Connie slapped your arm playfully, still unable to believe.

»»————- ♡ ————-««

Paradise had to wait.

There was work to be done.

You managed to get a hold of Pacho and accepted his terms. No later than two days later, he disclosed the exact location of both Rodriguez brothers, as promised, and the DEA was once again on the run. Now that Judy Moncada had been captured and placed behind bars in the United States, the Cali cartel was finally being broken down.

With the natural exception of Pacho.

He was smart and manipulative, that one was for damn sure. As you had suspected, he cut you off from the world entirely once you were blindfolded and taken to his mansion. No gun, no badge, no phones and no other means of communication. 

He was not keeping tabs on you 24/7 though. Quite the opposite, in fact: he allowed you to enjoy every luxury he had to offer without any limits – aside the obvious _no-leaving-my-territory_ rule – and minded his business like before. You truly felt like a caged animal, but there was nothing you could do about it. Literally _nothing_. Pacho was always around, even if he did his own things, and you were trapped.

As swift as the wind during a storm, you realized after a week spent there that there was no way you could transmit the information you owned. You recognized the place, you knew exactly where it was, and yet, without a mean of communication, it was useless. All of it.

You wondered how long it would take you to become completely obsolete.

»»————- ♡ ————-««

Back at the office, Javier was losing his mind.

It had been over a week, and there was no sign of you. He had his phone with him at all times, he even checked the communications center for any incoming calls or messages or even tapes, but there was absolutely nothing. It was as if you had been erased off of the face of the earth.

And suddenly, Javier’s mind went into the darkest place it could find, bringing forward scenarios that were lavishly gruesome.

He refused to believe that Pacho would’ve killed you. Even if he loathed Pacho and couldn’t wait to get his hands on him, he somehow knew that he wouldn’t do such a stupid move. Naturally, trapping a DEA agent into a corner and tricking them into being willingly held captive was a stupid move in itself, but killing them upon their arrival would’ve brought a blood bath upon him and his employees, and Pacho surely knew that. 

Javier knew that Cali loved keeping things low-key, and this voluntary kidnapping was no exception. He could only hope that you were still alive.

He then started to rummage on the possibility that he kept you as his sex slave, which somehow brought Javier much more pain than the previous scenario. He didn’t want or need to picture the despicable and filthy things he could do to you no matter how much you would’ve fought him, but he couldn’t help but think of the possibility.

The waiting was ruining his life.

All he did was think and worry and be afraid, in spite of everyone else’s words and actions. The anger he felt was pure torment, and he internalized all of it. He drank in hopes of washing it away, but it was barely a successful operation.

“We got Rodriguez, and we even got him to confess where their labs were and now we – “Steve said, approaching Javier’s desk.

He stopped the moment he noticed Javier’s disheveled silhouette sprayed across the desk; his head was resting on a pile of papers, his hands dangling to his sides, and it reeked of whiskey.

“Dude, you gotta pull yourself together,” he said, removing some of the papers.

“No.”

Steve sighed and grabbed him by the hair, pulling him in an upright position. He had dark circles under his eyes, his otherwise bronze and honey skin was pale and he generally looked like he had given up.

“You look like shit,” Steve commented.

“I’m not trying to look otherwise.”

“It’s not a very attractive look.”

“Too bad cause it’s one to stay.”

“The hell it is. You think Y/N is gonna want to see all of this?”

Hearing your name did him no good. It pained him to his very core, creating a never ending pit in his stomach, blocking his trachea and emptying his heart of hope.

“It’s been two weeks,” Javier muttered. “Where the fuck is she?”

“We both know the technical answer, but I don’t think I should say it out loud.”

Javier groaned in pain and Steve pulled a chair to sit next to him.

“Look, she figured Pacho wouldn’t let anyone from the outside communicate with her,” he told him. “And we figured as much, too. She’s clever and cunning, more than that piece of shit can tell. She’ll figure something out. But you know damn well that we have to wait for her signal.”

“I know, I fucking know, but it’s… fuck, I feel like… I’m drowning.”

Steve patted his back for a while, resonating with him. He too experienced a particular kind of separation from Connie – though, granted, not under those circumstances – and he knew just how soul-tearing it could be.

“She’s gonna find a way to us,” he encouraged Javier.

“I just want her to be safe.”

“Don’t hate me for saying this, but I think she is safe with Pacho.”

Javier lifted his head too fast, making himself dizzy. But that did not prevent him from feeling all of that anger conquer his nervous system yet again.

“She’s Pacho’s leverage,” Steve said. “If we do some shit to go after him – and by us I mean you, obviously – she’s gonna get hurt. Come on, Javi, you know this shit.”

“I fucking know! It’s just fucking tearing me to pieces like that motherfucker wanted!”

He threw a fit of rage, rising from his seat and throwing all of the folders and papers on the floor along the phone. He grabbed fistfuls of his hair, fighting the urge to not rip it himself. But Steve acted quickly and grabbed him, holding him tightly by his torso.

“Stop it! Stop it, Javi!” he yelled under the curious eyes of the officers present. “You gotta wait a while longer. You gotta wait.”

“I’m – “

“You gotta fuckin’ wait a bit longer! If you don’t, Y/N is gonna get hurt. She’s the most important thing right now and until she gets in touch with us, you can’t be pulling any stunt, do you hear me?”

Javier grunted.

“Do you fuckin’ hear me, Javi??”

“Yes, I – I fuckin’ hear you!”

Steve let him go after a while, watching him closely.

“Come crash at our place,” he told Javier. “I’m sure Connie wouldn’t mind one bit.”

“Thanks, I’m good.”

“Drinking yourself to sleep or potential death, all alone? Yeah, you’re handling it well.”

Javier frowned at him.

“Like you handled it any differently when Connie left,” he fired back. “How did you say… oh, right, ‘I’m a big boy, I can handle it’.”

Steve chuckled.

“I know I fucked up too back then. I was bullshittin’. Of course I couldn’t fuckin’ handle it. The love of my life was gone. How the fuck does anyone cope with that in a healthy way? I get that, Javi.”

“But she’s not – Y/N’s not the – “

“Bullshit. Don’t come at me with that.”

Javier shut up, looking intently at the floor. He hadn’t the slightest clue as to how to shun the image of you, all alone on Pacho territory.

“You shouldn’t be alone right now, Javi,” Steve insisted. “Come crash at our place until this is over.”

He eventually accepted, realizing that, indeed, he shouldn’t have been alone.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All of the time you spent isolated in Pacho’s residence culminates with an encounter with him during which he reveals quite shocking things to you.

It had been over a month, and you were nowhere near solving that pesky communication problem.

Normally, you would distract yourself with work or something else that could keep your mind busy instead of generating dozens of all-too-realistic scenarios depicting the danger your loved ones were in. You found it difficult to adopt a composed and practical approach to the entire situation, but you could not help it. You could not do it otherwise.

But the truth was that Steve, Connie and Javier were most likely safe. They surely caught the Rodriguez brothers and everyone else involved with Cali by then.

Except for Pacho. Of fucking course.

And you were no fool; you succumbed to the asphyxiating situation and accepted the terms he had enforced upon you, knowing that even attempting to escape would result in either your death or the entire team’s. Or both.

You weren’t really fit for a masterful escape anyway. Lately you had been feeling more tired than usual, nauseous, and whenever Pacho invited you for any of the day’s meals, you either cleaned your plate in a fleeting heartbeat or barely. Physically, mentally, everything was turning against you.

One particular afternoon, a fine young man entered the wide living room, staring at you with an ostentatious smile. Somewhat confused, you stared at him politely and murmured a hesitant “Hello”.

“Are you here to play with us?” he asked you, visibly intrigued.

You, on the other hand, were speechless. You examined him carefully and quickly deduced that the chances of him being involved with Cali’s drug business were slim, but you did not exclude it entirely. If little kids can work as informants for Pablo Escobar, there was no stopping this man from being involved too.

“No,” you replied after what felt like an eternity. “I’m just captive here.”

“I’d prefer the terms ‘friend’ and ‘safely imprisoned’.”

Pacho’s voice was booming, echoing through the walls. His smile was as wide and charming as ever, but you averted your eyes, unpleasantly surprised to notice him walk around with zero clothing.

“I’m relieved, I thought you switched,” the man told Pacho.

You furrowed your brows, still looking away.

“What is it with you men and your excessive desire to whip your dick out every other minute? Nobody’s asking for that. Nobody wants to see that.”

“Speak for yourself, lady.”

You rolled your eyes, but only then did you realize how things _really_ were.

And frankly, looking back on it, it made _so_ much sense.

“Go upstairs, baby. I’ll be with you shortly.”

There was a slap heard, and you needn’t witness it firsthand to know what it was. You still faced the wall, your mind on high alert after the unexpected surprise.

“Gotta remind myself to change the pet name Javi uses if I make it through this,” you muttered to yourself.

“You don’t have to be so shy, Y/N,” Pacho said, closer to you. “I’m assuming you’ve seen men before.”

“I have, but… really no offense, you’re not one I want to add to that list.”

“You do realize that I prefer men, don’t you?”

“Now I do. And even so… I’d rather not.”

“You can relax, I’m dressed now.”

Still reluctant, you turned slowly and noticed to your ease that he was indeed dressed. He wore a blue and gold shirt and loose pants, and he was clearly fresh out the shower. If he wouldn’t have been a cruel criminal, drug dealer and, apparently, gay, he would’ve been quite the catch for women.

“You didn’t know,” was all that Pacho said, pouring himself a whiskey.

“That was not the reaction of a person who is in the know.”

“I make no attempt to hide it, even if there are people who hate this. And to those people, I say ‘too bad’. Also I get to shoot them or dismember them, so.”

“Sure, yes. Understandable.”

Pacho took a seat next to you. What was astonishing about the entire situation was his calmness and politeness. He could’ve easily killed you, just as he had killed many times before, but instead he treated you like a friend. 

Only you knew it was not genuine. You knew it was a façade, a shameless cover up for whatever the hell his plan for you was.

“You were never interested in me in that way,” you remarked. “You let me and Javier and Berna and everyone else think that.”

 _Javier_.

The name, the associated face with it caused a massive pit in your stomach.

“Don’t hate the player. Hate the game.”

“Why though?”

“You seem a bit offended at the idea that I didn’t actually like you.”

You frowned. If it weren’t for the entire situation, you might’ve been amused at the conversation.

“I assure you, I’m not,” you said. “I’m just curious.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I still find you a stunning woman, absolutely ravishing, feisty, clever and loyal to a fault. If that helps.”

“It doesn’t.”

“Still. But you are far from my type.”

“I’ve noticed that now, yes.”

Pacho took a sip from the glass, chuckling. You had an unpleasant feeling rushing through your body. You simply did not like where the conversation was headed.

“You’re leverage,” he told you. “You, my dear, grant me safety right now.”

“So what’s your plan? Keep me around like a pet until I die?”

“No, not at all. Just until your so-called husband makes the mistake of coming after you.”

You could only stare at him in return, breathless. You gulped, nausea returning. Panic spread like wildfire in your veins, but you were determined to, at the very least, keep a straight face.

The unpleasant feeling grew, now becoming unequivocally painful, and you started to get a better grasp on how things stood.

“You’re the key,” Pacho said, offering you a glass of whiskey as well, but you denied it. “You’re the weakness that I’ve been waiting for.”

“As flattering as you think that sounds – “

Pacho laughed.

“Javier Peña is a pestering problem. He was one when Escobar was alive, and he is one now for Cali. He has become our biggest problem.”

“The Cali cartel has fallen, Herrera. You’re the last one standing, simply because you betrayed everyone else.”

“Fair enough.”

“It’s always the same with you, narcos. You pledge loyalty and talk a great deal about it but when it comes to your own life, you flee so fast like you were never there to begin with.”

“The only rule that always governed humans is survival, Y/N. We all do what we gotta do to survive. You can’t really blame me for looking after myself, can you?”

“Actually… no.”

“See?

Pacho stood up, pacing around the spacious room. You made no movement, fearing to do so just when things were becoming clearer.

“Since Escobar died about a year ago, the DEA has made huge efforts to catch Cali. They did the very best they could. And recently, when I realized the lengths you would be willing to go to in order to catch the bad guys, I thought there was no visible choice but to surrender.”

“So you made that call for Rodriguez and the lot of them.”

“I knew they would never surrender on their own. I would’ve killed them myself eventually, I suppose, but once I made that proposal to you, I figured you wouldn’t let such an opportunity pass by. I just knew you would put work above anything else, even above love. You all do.”

“You gotta do what you gotta do.”

“True. So you see, Y/N, _you_ are the weakness.”

You did see it.

You finally understood.

“You’ve been playing us all along,” you said breathless.

Pacho shrugged, as if waiting for you to finish your thoughts.

“Right from your arrival in Medellin,” he specified.

A cold shiver chilled your entire body in seconds, thinking back to all of the moments in Medellin, all of the moments you thought were safe and intimate to spend with friends.

“I knew exactly who you are,” he continued, pacing still. “Y/N Y/L/N, the last living heir of Nicolas Y/L/N. Your little sister and brother were tragically shot on the same night that your father was back in Cali, your mother was never heard from again and here you are… alive and well.”

“What can I say? Survival skills.”

“It’s rumored that Nicolas Y/L/N was the one who introduced Escobar to the world of drugs.”

Pacho squinted at you, as if trying to remember something by simply looking into your eyes.

“I know all about your father, your family. Quite a tragic story. And all the more ironic how he was born, had a family and died in _Cali,_ of all places _._ But you… I didn’t know it at the time of your arrival that you would be _this_ valuable. I thought you were just another agent that had to be eliminated, but as months went by, I noticed how fond Peña was of you. How protective he was over you. It was different than how he acted with Steve Murphy, for example.”

“Probably because he’s not interested in Murphy in that way.”

Pacho laughed, pointing at you.

“See? This is why I like you. You’re witty and hilarious. But maybe… not quite the fast thinker I thought you were. Anyway, Javier Peña is a very resourceful and capable man who would stop at nothing to do his job. However… he proved to everyone, in a very surprising twist of events, that he has, in fact, a weak spot. _You_.”

You gulped, caught off guard and unsure what to say, so you opted for silence.

“I was quite shocked to see how devoted he is to you, even without himself realizing it. He would buy expensive jewelry to keep your ruse alive, he would spent nonexistent amounts of money to keep you by his side. This is not something you do lightly.”

“I’m aware of that.”

Upon noticing your distressed and gloomy face, Pacho leaned in closer to you.

“You didn’t think I knew that you’re not actually married?”

You offered no response.

“Who do you think planted that little idea in your head?”

Your face lightened, the naturally rosy complexion of your face vanishing. Your skin had turned very pale, eyes inspecting Pacho’s resentfully.

_“With so many preparations to be done for the ball this weekend – “_

_“Oh, are you hosting a ball?”_

_“Yes. Beneficiary ball. We intend to raise a lot of funds for the city. A lot of benefactors will be there to support us. Mostly older and wealthy couples.”_

_“Got room for another one?”_

_“Another couple?”_

_“Yes. Me and Javier Peña.”_

_“I wasn’t aware that you two were – “_

_“It was spur of the moment, very spontaneous and very recent.”_

_“You would be more than welcome to join us.”_

You felt sick.

“You came up with the whole beneficiary ball on the spot,” you realized. “You actually planned it because you knew we’d want to attend it.”

“Guilty as charged.”

“And everything from there onward – “

“I needed a way to get rid of Peña, and you turned out to be the perfect trap.”

You felt your insides twitch and convulse in disgust, shame and fear alike. You replayed every moment you had with Javier, every moment when you thought you were one step ahead of Cali when, in fact, you and the rest of the team were being played like a violin.

“Now all I gotta do is wait for him to make the inevitable mistake of coming after you and finish this whole ordeal. Then you’re free to go, too.”

“You’re just gonna… let me go.”

“Yes. With a bullet.”

Pacho winked at you, worsening your sickness.

“Don’t be so surprised. You must’ve known this was coming. The impending death, I mean.”

“You underestimate Peña. He’s better than you think.”

“I already have a great impression of him, no need to sell him out to me, my dear. Though I will admit that under different circumstances I would’ve definitely been… curious and eager to get to him – “

You scrunched your face, the thought repulsing you for the sole reason of having such a vile person being near Javier.

“He _is_ ridiculously handsome, so I get why you would fake marry him.”

“He’s better than you think, Herrera.”

“We’ll see about that. Although… it’s been more than a month and no sign of him yet. But I expect his anger will betray him soon. Either that or… he didn’t care that much about you in the end.”

You clenched your teeth and said nothing.

“After all, love is blindness. And right now, your beloved Javier is as blind as a bat. Once he steps into the light… he’ll be gone.”

You still said nothing.

You knew better than that.

Your faith in Javier was above any pathetic attempt of Pacho’s to drive you apart or ditch your plan. He was a great agent, and you trusted him to make the right call and to follow the plan to a T.

Otherwise neither of you wouldn’t live to see the dawn.

“You know, I personally would feel fantastic knowing that my father was most likely the one responsible for laying the foundation of the drug empire in Colombia,” he pushed her further. “Not to mention the practical creation and rise of Pablo Escobar.”

You knew better than to talk back. And yet…

“If you think you’re telling me something new or potentially harmful or tear-jerking about my father or my family, you’re absolutely wrong. I heard all there is to it, so much so that I’ve become immune to it.”

Pacho smiled, cocking his head.

“Too bad. You would’ve done great among us.”

“Yeah, so long as I kept my legs open for all of you, right?”

He shrugged.

“You could’ve been the Cali jewel. The cartel’s princess.”

“I think I made the right career choice.”

“Well, in any case, if you’ll excuse me, I have company.”

“Please do enjoy yourself, by all means.”

“You’re more than welcome to join us if you’d like. I wouldn’t be opposed to the presence of a gorgeous woman in between us men.”

“That’s fine. I’ll let you two enjoy your intimacy.”

Pacho finished his drink and rushed back upstairs, leaving you very distressed and pained and worried sick with your thoughts. You began pacing as well, unable to rest. You had to find a way to get to someone at the office, regardless of whom it was. There had to be some way that Pacho communicated with his employees.

You stepped cautiously on the marble floors and searched through every drawer you saw, every hidden corner, hope desperately clinging onto you like a life jacket. You needed the tiniest thing, just a small thing, any indicator that it was possible to connect with the outside world. Anything –

Alas, _there it was._

The portable radio station hidden cleverly inside the old, rusty suitcase brought you so much joy that it was almost laughable. With ears attentive for any movement and hands carefully working the equipment, you did your best in finding a frequency that could help you and not endanger your life more.

“Come on now, baby, come on… come on,” you whispered, pressing the buttons and listening intently to the frequencies.

In the midst of all the buzzing and incoherent blabs, someone picked up and responded, causing your heart to stop.

_“Hello? Who is this?”_

“Hello?” you whispered fearfully, filled with anxiety and anticipation alike. “This is – I’m – “

_“Who are you talking to?”_

_“This lady on this line, probably a confused – “_

“Trugillo?”

Silence.

_“Y/N?”_

You sucked a breath in as excitement washed over you. You held the speaker closer to your mouth and spoke again, voice slightly shakier than before.

“Yes, yes, it’s me!”

_“Where are you? Are you alright?”_

“I need you to listen to me very carefully and tell to Murphy and Peña and the rest of the team what I’m telling you now. I am in Pacho Herrera’s house, in the outskirts. It’s a huge house, with yellow, hidden in the woods. Once you get to the street on 98, you take a sudden left and keep forward for ten minutes. You’ll find it. He’s the last man standing here with about twenty five others, armed.”

_“Got it. We’ll be over in no time.”_

“Good. This ends tonight, you hear me?”

_“Oh, yes I do.”_

“Take care when you get here.”

The transmission ended, and you felt like you could finally breathe again. You put the station right as you found it and sneaked the suitcase back into the closet, looking around frantically, eased to notice that you were still alone. 

You took several deep breaths and smiled, hand resting on your chest and the other on your stomach.

_They’re gonna be here._

_This ends tonight._


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the final showdown between Pacho and the DEA arrives, with you right in the middle of it. But there is much more at stake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this contains descriptions of violence and wounds!!! If you’re uncomfortable or triggered by any of it, reconsider reading this!!!

Time seemed to freeze as you waited, restlessly, in the living room.

You focused on your breathing and the sound of rain gently tapping on the ground, audible through the open window. As much as you fought to remain calm and chill, it was a task meant for failure, it seemed.

You longed, more so than ever before, to never have to deal with drug dealers ever again, to not be monitored and controlled by them and to be able to enjoy your friends and Javier freely.

 _Javier_.

You imagined his pained facial expressions, his anger and his distress, his sleepless nights and drunken days, completely descending into madness, dissociating from reality as all he could do was wait, and you felt your eyes tear up. There was also an overwhelming joy to be felt at the thought that he had, in fact, stuck to the plan and waited for your signal.

_He listened to you and he waited for you._

Unbeknownst to you, that mere idea, though so simple, brought immense happiness to you. You knew she could trust you, in spite of everything that was going on, and somehow that alone was sufficient for you to relax a little and make the wait bearable.

“Y/N! There you are!”

Pacho’s over-jubilant tone set you off and punctured the little bubble of happiness you had previously crawled into.

“Where I’ve been in the past five weeks,” you replied dryly, with a smile on your face.

“Hmm, of course you have. But now you seem to be snooping around, and… I’m a little disappointed. I thought we were friends.”

“Friends can share things, can’t they?”

Pacho grabbed the back of your neck and pulled you closer to him, brutally enough to send his kind of message.

“Some things should stay off limits even between friends,” he muttered and forced you up on your feet. “Someone’s been tampering with my personal radio station. Does that ring a bell to you?”

“Can’t say that it does, no.”

“That’s too bad. But since you’re the clandestine here, and I had company for a while now, I have to take it out on you.”

You gulped, losing some of your façade cockiness and struggled to make no sound as Pacho shoved you back on a chair and quickly called the young man from a few hours prior to hold you still while he tied your hands together with a pair of extremely uncomfortable handcuffs, much too small for any adult.

“Good!” Pacho announced. “Now. The radio station.”

You frowned, trying to adjust the handcuffs, tugging lightly.

“Okay, fine.”

He turned his back on you for a moment, enough for you to spit at his feet. The sound made Pacho face you with an impressed, yet extremely fake and somewhat terrifying smile, and he crossed his arms. He even chuckled at the other man, exchanging a set of laughter that chilled you.

“You are something else,” Pacho laughed. “Something else entirely.”

You briefly thought back of the last time you had heard that being said to you, in an entirely different context and with an entirely different person.

 _Javier_.

“I really don’t get you, Y/N. You could’ve been the jewel of the cartel! The Cali cartel princess! Hell, I’m sure even Escobar would’ve loved to have a go at you every once in a while.”

“Do you know what happens to guys like you, Herrera? Not just drug dealers, but shameless criminals who kill and torment and dismember for fun.”

He leaned in, both hands on the sides of the chair, breathing on your face.

“Enlighten me, _princess_.”

“I don’t have to tell you. Look around you. Look at what happened to all of those whom you worked with or for.”

Pacho examined your eyes, gulping. In that moment, you reckoned he was full of crap as well. There was no man who could maintain all of that smugness and arrogance while he knew that something was coming. He surely knew that things were about to end one way or the other.

“All of those narcos are either behind bars, or dead,” you sustained. “What do you think is gonna happen to you?”

“I have no idea. But I prefer to take my chances.”

Out of nowhere, he stuck a large knife right into your left leg, causing you to grunt in pure agony. You looked at his awfully cheerful face, open mouthed and wide eyed, feeling almost too eager to spit right on him this time.

He pulled the knife out, strings of blood erupting from the freshly carved wound.

“Who did you call?” he whispered into your ear.

You crinkled your nose, flinching and tugging at the handcuffs, but naturally, to no avail.

“Was it Peña? Couldn’t resist?”

When there was no response to be heard, Pacho stuck the knife into your leg again, smiling at the grunts and moans of pain. You pursed your lips together, trying as hard as you could to not scream, but the pain was almost blinding. The knife was being twisted right into your flesh, touching nerves and carving deeper with each stabbing motion.

“The less you talk, the more painful it will get, princess,” he encouraged you.

“I – am not – any – fucking princess,” you muttered through gritted teeth.

Pacho chuckled, an apparent sympathetic smile dominating his face.

“I guess I’ll just have to kill anyone who comes in here,” he shrugged, removing the knife and stabbing your leg again.

In the midst of the torture, there was a shot nearby both of you. Pacho raised his head and watched surprised as the other man was now lying on the marble floor, a pool of blood forming beneath his head. You looked up at Pacho just as surprised.

“Wasn’t me,” was all he said to you.

_“Herrera!”_

The voice was in a low baritone, booming and imposing. Your heart skipped a beat the second you realized who the owner of it was.

You never thought you’d be relieved to see Don Berna.

But, as faith would have it, he entered the living room holding a gun pointed at Pacho. His facial expression revealed anything but good news; he carried a stubborn frown, his lips were pursed so tight together that they practically disappeared, and his eyes seemed to be spewing pure hatred at Pacho. He paid no attention to you.

“Berna, what are you doing?” he asked calmly, hands vaguely raised in the air.

“You took us down,” he said, approaching him slowly. “You took the entire cartel down. And for what? For playtime with Peña’s favorite toy?”

You fought the urge to correct him.

“I did what had to be done,” Pacho said. “Those fuckers were too terrified of doing anything right and with the DEA and FBI on our tail – “

“Who made you the king of the cartel??”

“I did.”

Pacho unexpectedly pulled you up and held you close to him while Berna watched in dismay. The pain of standing on your wounded leg, now oozing blood all over, was striking, but you stifled your grunts.

“As for Peña’s favorite _toy_ , she is the key to killing them, you smartass,” Pacho said, one arm wrapped around your neck. “Once they get here, the whole lot of them, they’re dead.”

“And for that you sold your brothers.”

“They were never my brothers. Only smug assholes who thought they controlled everything and everyone, including us.”

“You sold Judy out.”

Berna’s voice seemed to be carrying a little regret and hurt in it, you thought.

“You told _her_ where she was.”

This time, Berna’s eyes shifted onto you, and so did his gun. Your eyes widened and you gulped, desperation catching up with you.

“I made a promise,” Pacho stalled him. “We had a deal, and I respected the terms. And so did she.”

“Now you wanna talk about honor?! About promises?! All of this happened because of her??”

“Berna, don’t – “

He charged the gun and you closed your eyes, feeling a huge wave of adrenaline.

“Don’t shoot me, Berna, please, I’m pregnant!”

You said the words in a haste, too rapid to even be processed correctly by either three of you. You dared open your eyes and stare at Berna, who, surprisingly, lowered the gun a little, face betraying surprise. You were shaking, a mixture of emotions rushing through you all at once.

“ _Please_ ,” you asked as kindly as you could.

His eyes moved onto Pacho.

“You move fast,” he told him.

You frowned, offended and displeased beyond measure.

“Not with him!” you shouted. “We didn’t – _he’s gay!_ ”

“You – what?”

You rolled your eyes, the pain from your leg seemingly gone due to the downright idiotic way everything was now playing out.

“We worked together for years and you didn’t realize that?” Pacho mocked him.

Berna shrugged. “I didn’t want to make assumptions,” he added.

“Jesus Christ,” you muttered to yourself.

“But are you really?” Pacho asked you.

You nodded shyly, the information finally shaping into reality and taking its time to pass through you, just enough to be felt properly.

“Interesting turn of events,” Pacho said.

“But you know what, Miss Y/L/N,” Berna said, pointing the gun at her again, “none of this would’ve happened if it weren’t for you. I’m quite sick and tired of your presence here.”

And before you could even blink, Pacho propelled the knife right into Berna’s chest; the latter collapsed on the floor, grunting in horrific pain. Pacho rushed to his side to grab his gun, all the while holding you as tightly as before, and kicked Berna several times, watching the life drain out of him.

“If the DEA couldn’t do it, someone had to,” he said carelessly.

You tugged harder at the handcuffs, pain returning to your body again. It was then clear to you that none of those men would ever truly care about anything but themselves. 

“ _Now_ … what am I gonna do with you?” he pondered.

There were more shots fired outside, and your heart skipped many beats at the realization.

“I thought once a woman gets pregnant she automatically becomes disgusting and repulsive to you, men,” you said, trying to hide your enthusiasm.

“I can’t exactly kill you now. I don’t wanna be the guy who murdered a pregnant woman.”

“That’s where you cross the line then?”

“But if I don’t do it, what kind of message does that send about me?”

“I wouldn’t worry about that.”

Pacho smiled, pressing the gun onto your torso, enjoying you squirming in misery and pain.

“Don’t move! Drop your weapon and hands where I can see them!”

Steve’s voice was confident and allowed for no room of argument or fight. You let a sigh of relief escape your lips the moment your eyes took notice of him entering the house in the all too known bulletproof vest, gun pointed at Pacho.

Soon, Trugillo and the team entered, and at last, _Javier_.

You gasped when your eyes locked, reading an anger beyond measurement on his face. He gulped, but he stood his ground and pointed his gun at Pacho as well, focused.

Pacho, however, was nowhere close to surrendering. He put the gun at your temple, his grip tightening to the point where he was nearly crushing your windpipe with his arm. 

The sight was pure torment to Javier who had to fight incisively hard to resist his impulse and kill Pacho with his bare hands. He remarked your wounded leg, your also bleeding wrists and tortured face, and had to focus on Pacho harder in order to not blow the entire operation and get you killed.

“Drop the gun, Herrera!” Steve repeated.

“You’re outnumbered, you piece of shit,” Javier spoke, and his voice melted you.

He sounded exhausted, angered and decisive all in one.

“If anyone makes a move, Miss Y/L/N here joins Berna and the rest.”

The gun’s steel was cold against your temple. You closed your eyes and squinted them. Your leg began to feel like it wasn’t even yours anymore, and the sudden thought that it wasn’t only you that were in danger, but the little life you were growing inside of you, made you all the more sick and terrified of what was to come.

Javier approached them both, gun still in his hand. His steps were methodical and rational unlike his facial expression, and he focused solely on Pacho, who smiled like a mad man.

“Stop it right there, Peña,” he warned him. “Don’t think I won’t pull the trigger even on a pregnant lady.”

Javier’s face dropped entirely, eyes daring to shoot momentarily in your direction.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” he shot back at him, incredulous.

“You haven’t told him,” he said right next to your ear.

“Well, I would have – only I was so busy – being hostage here,” you struggled through short breaths.

“I had second thoughts, you know? I thought I was gonna kill you and Peña easily, no strings attached, but then when you dropped this bombshell on us a few minutes ago… I had second thoughts.”

“So you can – think twice.”

Pacho chucked.

“But now, the more I think about it, the more I realize I really don’t want another Peña haunting me for the remainder of my days. So I think I’ll be the guy who shot a pregnant woman.”

“Bold of you to assume you’ll live the rest of your life,” Javier grunted.

The men locked eyes, all the while your pulse nearly incapacitating your lungs. You were breathing so fast and so ragged that it was overwhelming you with oxygen and somehow making your wound hurt worse.

“Ja-Javi – “you said, barely breathing. “Javi, drop the gun.”

“You heard your wife, Peña.”

Javier gritted his teeth, eyes seemingly devouring Pacho alive. He made no movement, no gesture and revealed nothing that would betray his intention.

He quickly scanned Pacho’s posture and grip on you: he had you wrapped with one arm, forcefully stuck to his body. Your face was in the way of Pacho’s, nearly covering it completely, and there was no way to get to him without hurting you.

It was just not doable.

“Is that all you want? To kill me?” Javier pushed.

“Pretty much, yes.”

“You’re the last one standing, Herrera. Everyone else is either dead or imprisoned. What makes you think you’ll get away?”

“The Cali jewel.”

You grunted, realizing he was talking about you in the vilest and objectifying way possible, and it made your skin crawl.

“Let her go,” Javier ordered. “ _Please_.”

“Javier Peña is _begging?_ I lived to see the fuckin’ day.”

“Too bad it’s your last.”

With a smile on his face still, Pacho found himself on the cold hard ground, life draining out of him within seconds.

The bullet struck him right in the middle of his forehead, collapsing his now-lifeless body. A thin string of blood was visible from the front and nothing else.

Able to breathe more normally again, you shockingly stared at Pacho’s body and then, as you locked eyes with Javier again, the man rushed to you, putting the gun into his back pocket and worked against the handcuffs, frantically examining your leg.

In a matter of a minute, your hands, though bleeding and carrying purple and black marks, were resting comfortably onto Javier’s back, your arms wrapped tight around him. His scent invaded your nostrils, making it feel like home.

He swore he could nearly feel your racing heartbeat, the fear and pain you had endured. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, head resting on your shoulder. He broke the hug only to check on you while the team stormed the entire house.

“What did he do to you?” he muttered, looking at your injured leg once more. “Are you okay? What – “

“He didn’t do anything I couldn’t handle. You know me, tough as a rock.”

Javier smiled, a little eased.

Then he remembered, and the realization made him tremble with an anticipation never before known.

“What he said – before…” he began.

“Right. _That_. It wasn’t a lie to get out of being killed or anything.”

“So… are you really –?”

“I think so, yeah. I have the symptoms. But listen, I – I’ll go to a doctor this week, know for sure… and if I really am… I’ll make an appointment and I’ll… fix the issue. So you don’t need to worry about that.”

You caressed his cheek, sweetly and lovingly as you always did, and Javier quivered under your touch. He held you gently, a foreign smile now residing on his lips. One he kind of knew the reason for but he refused to jump the gun just yet.

“Is that what you want to do?” he checked in with you.

“I – what do you mean?”

“I mean… you don’t have to do this because you think it’s what I would want. It’s your choice.”

“It’s not, Javi. It’s up to… a lot of factors, one of which – “

“You said I don’t have to worry about it, which means you thought about me and what I would want first, and it’s unfair. What do _you_ want to do?”

You were wordless. 

It wasn’t as if any other man was ever concerned with your choice. You were told what to do for the majority of your life, and even when you had to call the shots, you were still doubted and mistrusted. The moment Javier had asked you that, it suddenly built a bridge to a whole new other land.

Frankly, you hadn’t thought that much about it. You had wanted a family at some point in your life, but given how hectic and dangerous your life was, you settled a long time ago with the idea that it will never happen, and you were fine with it.

However, now, realizing that there was a real chance for you and Javier as well at a decent and normal life, it made you rethink your options.

“I – I don’t know, I – I just never thought… this would be an option,” you answered.

“Why not?”

“Because… look at this. Everything we go through is… insane. It’s dangerous and deadly and… I just didn’t think I would get to do this. And much less with you.”

Javier chuckled, warmth building within him at the beloved banter and sarcasm shared with you.

“But I think… maybe we could do this. I think we could.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. If we both wanted.”

Javier grabbed your hands into his and rubbed them tenderly, carefully avoiding your fresh wounds.

“I think we could do this very well,” he fortified.

“You mean it? Because there aren’t any takebacks on this kind of thing. We can’t just return a baby after they were born – “

“I realize that and I mean it. I… I do want us to have this.”

“You also realize what this means, don’t you?”

Javier frowned, vaguely afraid.

“You’re gonna be a _dad_ , Peña.”

Javier chuckled joyously and nervously so, hugging you and caressing your hair.

“Guys, the ambulance is here,” Steve announced them. “Might wanna get Y/N checked out.”

“Absolutely.”

“Good to have you back, Y/N.”

He hugged you as well, smiling at you brightly.

“Oh, and uh… congratulations? Or – or are we not thrilled about it?”

Javier huffed, smiling, tapping him on his back.

“I guess you’re gonna be Uncle Steve in a few months.”

A soft chuckle escaped Steve’s mouth as he raised his hands and hugged them both, watching as Javier picked you up and carried you to the ambulance.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> following the Cali cartel’s fall, you and Javier finally get the chance to relax a little and enjoy yourselves.

Back at the office the next day, the whole team rejoiced at the unexpected and final triumph. There was beer and champagne toasted among everyone present, all clapping especially for the efforts of you, Javier and Steve.

Javier had his arm around you, even smiling at Messina as she congratulated you both. Though curious, she raised a brow at them but didn’t pose any question. The way she figured it, it was about damn time Javier acted upon his instincts. Somehow you and Javier managed to be the only ones at the office who failed to see the way you and Javier were looking at each other and just how well you worked with each other, purely because you always needed to be around each other.

“Well, it’s the end of an era,” Steve said, clinking the beer bottle with Javier’s.

He chuckled at the sight of you sipping casually from your water.

“What?” you said, smirk visible in the corner of your mouth.

“Nothing. Just a bit weird to not see you drinking.”

“You don’t have to make it sound like I have a drinking problem, sheesh!”

“Which reminds me, I gotta cut back on drinking,” Javier added.

Both you and Steve stared at him in dismay.

“I can’t be the alcoholic father, that’s just fucked up,” he explained.

“Still can’t believe you’re gonna be a _dad_ ,” Steve said. “I can’t even picture it. You. A dad.”

“Like you would’ve imagined you’ll adopt a baby we found in a murder house.”

Steve shrugged, nodding shortly after.

“Point taken.”

“So… what happens now?” you asked. “Escobar is dead, Cali is finished…”

“I believe we were due a shared living space, if I remember correctly.”

You stared at Javier, a blinding smile residing on your face. You cuddled up to him, a warm feeling overwhelming you completely.

“Not sure if I still want Medellin as my top choice in terms of life quality,” you said, admiring him.

“Why don’t we change the scenery then?”

“Really?”

“I mean… to be honest, I don’t wanna raise a kid in the drug paradise. And not after everything that happened down here. We can… move to the States, start over fresh.”

“You know, Connie and I are gonna head back to the States next month,” Steve intervened. “Why don’t you come with us?”

“Wait, really? We’re doing this? We’re – we’re leaving Colombia and starting fresh in the States?”

Javier pressed a gentle kiss on your forehead, arms wrapped around you.

“If you want to, cariño.”

You smiled and nodded right away.

“I’m sure there’ll be no problem for you guys to find work. Given how the entire world will know who the folks who took down the Cali cartel and Escobar are, you’ll be more popular than drugs.”

“Now _that_ is a compliment I will take this time.”

“And you’re more than free to stay with us till you find a place.”

“Thank, man. I really appreciate it.”

Javier hugged Steve, tapping him on his back and smiling fondly at him. There was no other friend who had been better or kinder to him than Steve Murphy.

»»————- ♡ ————-««

Once the office was finally empty hours later, Javier noticed you cleaning yours and his desk, arranging the remaining papers. He watched you in awe, completely struck by just how much he had grown to love you and cherish you, and now, the fact that you had made another human being out of that love, out of that burning passion for one another, it was blowing his mind in the most pleasant way possible.

“I’ll be right there,” you announced, waking him up from his thoughts. “Just gotta arrange these.”

“Of course you do.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“You’re so goddamn adorable when you’re in cleaning mode.”

You chuckled, shaking your head.

“You know… there’s no one else here,” Javier said approaching you.

You cocked an eyebrow at him, amusement washing over you fast.

“We said we’d go over to Connie and Steve’s place.”

“We did. And we will. But I think we got some time to spare.”

Javier came even closer and gently pushed over everything on the desk, pressing his body against yours, leaning onto your shoulder. 

If he wouldn’t have been so adorable whilst doing so, much like a puppy in need of attention, you might have just succumbed to his indecent proposal.

“And you thought making a mess would be the way to turn me on?” you asked bemusedly, lightly grazing his neck.

“How’s your leg?”

“It’s good.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

Javier kneeled in front of you, pressing kisses across your leg from bottom to top through the clothing, causing you to let out a soft moan against your will. Your fingers ran through his hair, trying to refrain from tugging at it, but the more upwards Javier’s sinful mouth traveled, the more you lost all the good sense in you.

“Javier – “

“Mhm?”

“We’re – we’re still at the – the office – “

“Empty office.”

He moved up, beginning to kiss your neck. You moaned a little louder this time, wrapping your legs around Javier’s waist, spurring him further on. You pulled him in for a kiss, the kind of kiss you missed all that time when you couldn’t be with him, and it began to escalate rather fast without either of your knowledge.

A cough interrupted you, bringing you back with your feet on the ground.

“Should I wait for another ten minutes or –?” Steve asked.

“This doesn’t take ten fucking minutes,” Javier frowned.

“Five then?”

Javier grunted, amused to himself, but luckily Sierra arranged both his and her clothes and placed everything else back on the desk, leaving the office at last.

»»————- ♡ ————-««

“So what happened with Pacho again?”

Connie laid out a wonderful spread on the coffee table: drinks and snacks of all kinds for everyone’s taste. She stood right in between you and Javier, fondly watching over you as you munched on some crackers.

“He knew exactly who I am and what we were planning,” you replied. “From the day I stepped into Medellin, he kept tabs on me. He knew exactly whom I work with, my relations, everything.”

“I know those people are borderline creepy when it comes to those they monitor, but this kind of takes it to a whole other level.”

“I’ve been wondering why he had such a big interest in you,” Steve said. “Not that you’re not interesting, don’t get me wrong – “

You chuckled.

“But why – “

“He had a major interest in my dad. Nicolas Y/L/N.”

Steve gasped, staring at you for a while until realization hit him. 

Of course he had heard the stories and the rumors and he read all the information there was about Nicolas Y/L/N, but somehow he hadn’t associated him with you. 

After all, there were other people with the last name Escobar but he didn’t automatically assume that they were related to Pablo.

“Your dad was Nicolas Y/L/N,” he muttered.

He wasn’t asking nor accusing. His statement seemed heavy for some particular reason, but you were by no means affected by it.

“Nicolas Y/L/N was one of the very first pioneers of cocaine and weed in Colombia,” Steve explained to Connie, who was evidently taken aback by the revelation. “It’s rumored that he was the one who got Escobar in the business.”

“And Pacho was a big fan of him as it turned out,” you said. “He thought I should’ve been in the business as well. I could’ve been the ‘drug cartel’s jewel’, as he put it.”

“Was it true? Did he –? “Connie began.

“I don’t know. I was twelve when he died, when he and my little brother and sister died and… I didn’t ask questions, ever.”

Connie hugged you, eyes a little teary.

“I’m so sorry,” she murmured at your shoulder. “How come you never told us this?”

“It doesn’t really feel like it’s part of my life, to be honest. It’s like a very distant memory, or a nightmare. I knew he was involved in some business but I never asked questions. I think… I was afraid to know the answer. But he was a great father. He was kind and gentle and caring… he always provided for us. He always watched out for us. He did the best he could but in the end, I guess it wasn’t enough.”

“That’s why Pacho was smitten with you.”

“Fun fact: he wasn’t actually into me. Not just because he was gay, but he noticed me and Javier getting closer and he thought he could take advantage of that.”

“Fucking hell.”

“He knew that the job was more important to both of us than turning a blind eye and he used us to his advantage.”

“Look how good it turned out for him,” Javier finally spoke, raising laughter among the four of you.

“Who wants some wine?”

Javier and Steve raised their glasses but you went into the kitchen for some water. Upon your return, Connie watched you closely, slightly suspicious.

“Oh, uh – I think we forgot to tell Connie,” Steve said, shifting his eyes onto her.

“Tell me what?”

You and Javier exchanged a look that got Connie on panic mode for no reason. She just frowned at you both, waiting breathlessly for an answer.

“Guys!” she shouted, getting impatient. “Tell me what?!”

“Wanna do the honors, cariño?”

You smiled.

“I’m pregnant.”

Connie’s face brightened and the smile she displayed was wider than anyone’s. She squealed with excitement and hugged you snugly, then turned and hugged Javier the same.

“Javi,” she said, smiling happily his way. “I can’t believe this. You’re gonna be a dad!”

“I am, yeah,” he giggled.

“How are you feeling, Y/N?”

“So far so good.”

“What about you, Javi?”

“I’m not the one who’s carrying a kid inside of me, why are you asking me?”

“No, you are not, but I am more concerned about your well-being in this case. Y/N’s got balls. Not that you don’t. Obviously. But she’s just – “

“She’s the toughest, most incredible woman I know.”

Javier smiled and winked at you shortly after.

“I’m nervous as fuck, scared… but I can’t wait for it,” he admitted. “It’s something I never thought would be a reality, but… I really wanna give it a shot and… take this chance.”

“You’re gonna be such great parents, both of you! I – oh my gosh!”

“I was just as shocked as you, honey,” Steve laughed. “I didn’t think it was something… feasible, let’s call it.”

“Why?” Javier asked.

“Well… you’re… you.”

Javier frowned, much to yours and Connie’s hilarity.

“You’re a great man, Javi,” Connie tapped him on the shoulder. “You’re a great man and you’re going to be an even greater dad. Don’t you worry about it.”

“No pressure, right?”

“Better make sure you get all your rest now, and you too, Y/N, because you won’t be getting any for a while.”

The night faded away with more laughter and more stories. 

And for the first time, Javier, you and Steve finally breathed normally, without any impending fear.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> one year later, you and Javi get your true shot at paradise.

Javier opened the door, warmly welcoming Steve and Connie with a bright smile. The pair made themselves comfortable in the living room, with Connie holding Sophia in her arms. Both looked around curiously.

“Looking sharp there, Javi,” Steve noticed his attire.

He sure did: he was wearing a very nice suit, topped with a blue tie. He tugged at it, slightly nervous.

“Thanks for doing this, I really appreciate it,” he told, voice unusually guttural.

“No problem at all. Happy to help you guys,” Connie replied.

You finally made your entry, brightening the faces of all those present.

“There she is! Will you look at her!” Steve exclaimed, already heading towards you.

Smile on your face, you handed him the baby in your arms, Steve already playing with her.

“Are you ready to have some fun tonight, hmm?” he spoke to the cooing baby. “It will be a hoot, I promise! Yes, I do! Sophia’s here too and you girls are gonna have the best time, I guarantee it.”

Javier giggled, not used to witnessing Steve in full dad mode, but he now understood it himself. He couldn’t help himself either whenever he held his daughter. He found himself making the most ridiculously adorable noises and faces just to see a smile planted on that little face of hers or hear her coo.

“Gosh, she’s so adorable,” Connie said, pinching her cheek.

“That is definitely from her mother,” Javier added.

“If she takes after either one of us with anger issues, we’re gonna be in trouble,” you laughed.

You failed to notice his eyes inspecting you from head to toe, taking the image in like the finest wine.

It had been a while since he had seen you in a dress, and it had the very same effect on him as it always did: it made him weak in the knees, it dried his mouth and nearly tightened his pants.

But he had to keep his composure for that evening.

“Have you guys finally agreed on a name?” Connie asked. “It’s been three months.”

“Nicole. Nicole Peña,” Javier answered. “I thought it would be a nice tribute to Y/N’s dad.”

“It goes perfectly.”

“Plus, it works with both our last names, if she’ll choose to go by Nikki.”

“Nikki Y/LN… Nicole Y/L/N… yeah, I like the sound of that.”

Steve gasped whilst playing with Nicole and Sophia, earning a giggle from each. “I’m your uncle Steve, and this is your auntie Connie.”

You smiled, wrapping your arm around Javier’s. You made Connie attentive before addressing her.

“Listen, if there’s anything – if you have any troubles at all – “

“Don’t be silly, it’s gonna be fine! You two should enjoy your dinner without a worry. You deserve it.”

“Thank you so much.”

“Thank you, Connie.”

“You are welcome. Now go and spend some time with each other! We got this.”

Javier escorted you outside, opening the passenger’s door for you and driving into the heart of the city.

New York in spring was something else; the fuss that people made whilst being on the run, the trees in full blossom, the scents of the flowers intoxicating every sense, nature waking up from its slumber, and the rumble of the city itself, it all made quite the picture.

Not to mention the light show that was on display every single night when the evening arrived. It was simply mesmerizing to witness thousands of lights, whether tiny or big, reflect on the surfaces of the buildings, and you were truly enamored with it. New York was a massive city compared to Medellin, and you soaked in every aspect of it however you could.

Javier’s hands began to sweat the moment you sat down in the restaurant and pondered over your order. It was your first time alone since you had the baby and it was your first date outside the house in months. He was quite nervous for the evening, and he wanted things to go perfectly.

“Are you alright?” you checked on him, spotting his sickly complexion.

“Hmm? Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Just… you know, a bit nervous for our first night out, away from the baby…”

“I know it’s kinda tough being away from her for the first time, but Connie and Steve are gonna do great. There’s no reason for us to be worried.”

_That’s not why I am worried about, but now that you mentioned it…_

_Great. Another worry to add to the list for the evening._

“So you’re sure you’re good?”

“Yes.”

“I’m only asking because you look a bit… constipated.”

Javier looked at her with a gloomy expression, smiling and shaking his head as you chuckled and placed your order. He placed his shortly after and began to go through his thoughts once again.

“Y/N… uh…”

You raised your brows, looking at him with a spark in your eyes that made Javier gulp and take a sip of his wine before actually beginning his speech.

“There’s something that I… wanna tell you.”

“You’re not pregnant, are you?”

Javier laughed, nervousness leaving his body a little.

“What is it?” you asked, giggling yourself.

“Two things, actually.”

“Okay…?”

“Very important things, and I hope I won’t scare you or make you upset with either one of them.”

This time, you frowned, feeling like a nervous wreck.

“Maybe you should tell me the two things now because I’m not liking the sound of it,” you said.

“Okay. Okay, I’ll – I’ll start with the least shocking. I hope.”

Javier arranged his tie and grabbed your hands into his, smiling at you.

“Y/N… you’re the love of my life. It took me a long time to figure it out, but… one day, when Steve talked about Connie and how he felt about losing her, losing the love of his life… I realized that’s how I felt about you. How I feel about you every day.”

You felt your pulse increase with each word Javier added to his speech, your sixth sense kicking in, but afraid to draw the definitive conclusion as to where things were headed.

But more so, you could not get over Javier calling you the love of his life.

It was perhaps too cheesy or too common, but damn if you cared one bit.

“You and Nikki are the loves of my life. You’re the most important thing in my life. I would die before seeing a scratch on either one of you.”

“Javier…”

“You make me the happiest man on this planet, and trust me, I never thought I could actually be this happy without being afraid that something might happen. And I… I don’t feel like I’m drowning anymore. You saved me from drowning, Y/N. You and Nikki saved my life. And I want more of this, every day. I want us every single day, for however long we got.”

He gulped as he reached into the pocket of his blazer, revealing a small black box to a breathless and speechless you. You watched astonished as Javier revealed the same ring you had worn during the Cali cartel operation.

“Y/N Y/L/N, will you – “

“Yes.”

Javier watched you amusedly and bewitched by your flushed cheeks and candid smile.

“I – “

“Yes. Sorry. Sorry, go on,” you waved your hands frantically.

“Will you be – “

“Yes. Sorry!”

Javier laughed, triggering you to do the same.

“May I?” he asked.

You nodded, pursing your lips together.

“Will you marry me?”

You watched him absorbedly, as if waiting for a signal, but Javier, despite the previous overly excited response from you, was boiling with tension.

“Yes,” you finally whispered.

Wordless himself, Javier placed the ring on your finger and leaned in to kiss you, tenderly and slowly, feeling you and your warmth taking over him, adoring the way that now-iconic ring looked on your hand and what it represented.

“You finally took the leap,” you remarked, slightly shaky.

“When you know, you know.”

You kissed him sweetly again, holding his hand.

“And you thought you would start with the _least_ shocking thing? This was _less_ shocking to you?”

“Well… it depends.”

“On what?”

“On how you feel about what I wanna tell you now.”

You gulped, waiting as patiently as you could, thought it was no easy task.

“I hope this won’t make you panic or react in any way badly,” Javier pushed.

“Would you just tell me what – “

Huffing, Javier did a hand gesture behind you and watched your facial expression carefully. Not long after, a woman joined your table, staring breathlessly at you. She was surely past her fifties, but she carried herself very well, maintaining a very fashionable and youthful look.

“Y/N, this is… Alexandra Y/L/N,” Javier did the introduction, heart pumping in his chest with anxiety.

You squinted, standing up before the woman, now shorter than you. You examined her traits carefully, breaking down her every feature like it was one complicated case.

At last, you gasped loudly, eyes wide as vague memories hit you like a truck.

 _“Mama?”_ you whispered fearfully.

“Y/N, my baby.”

The woman named Alexandra pulled you in for a hug, tears running down your face. Overwhelmed with so many emotions at once, you could only sob silently on her shoulder, unable to believe.

You had given up the idea on finding your mother a long time ago. Once you finally got into the DEA, you used every resource you could get your hands on in order to find your mother. You desperately wanted to find any clue that could lead you to your mother, the last living member of your family, but there was absolutely no trace of her. No records of name changing, nothing at all.

So you gave up, and forced yourself to move on.

And as you held her now, memories from your childhood flooded you, mixed with the happiness from the early proposal, unsure if you were in a dream or not.

“Please, have a seat,” Javier gently conducted them both.

“How – how the hell – “you began, crying.

“It was rough, but it was worth it.”

“This man really went to the ends of the earth,” Alexandra said, caressing your hair.

“He’s known to go all in for what he cares about,” you agreed.

“I believe you’ve got a real man by your side.”

Javier lowered his head, flustered.

“I should hope so, since we’ll be getting married.”

Alexandra stared at both of you with surprise, happiness spreading in her body like wildfire, rushing to hug you both.

“I can’t believe this!” she cried. “Oh my goodness!”

“And… when we get home, there’s someone you should meet,” you added.

“Our daughter, Nicole.”

“I have a – a granddaughter?”

“Yes, mama.”

Alexandra could barely contain herself or the tears of pure joy running down her face as she hugged both you and Javier, congratulating you and listening to the stories you told her about your lives and about the journey to hell and back you lived through that got you to that point of exclusive happiness, but more importantly, _safety_.

It had been a long, exhausting and deadly journey to get there, but they managed to.

 _We got this,_ Javier thought, smiling at the thought of his future wife, mother-in-law and daughter all alive and well, filling his life with the kind of bliss that he never thought even existed.


End file.
